Breaking Up with Mr. Perfect

Marci - posted on 11/13/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My 17 year old daughter has had a few different boy friends in high school. She had one boy want to date her since her freshman year. She told him she never wanted to lose his friendship so felt she shouldn't date him. Her junior year she fianlly gave in after he told her no mater what he would always care for her and he wasn't like the other boys she had dated. We believed him. He is very religious and belives he needs to do good in the eyes of God. He never cared what other people thought about him. Just a good boy and great kid. They started dating around homecoming his senior year which was a big plus for him see he is a big deal football player, (4 year full ride to a top west coast college) kind of big deal. He told me several times he was playing ball to go to college not going to college to play ball. They dated all that year went to prom the whole bit. When he had to leave for college (football camp) in late June they talked, texted and/or face timed everyday. He came home for a couple weeks before school officially started and they were unseperable. He left for school the second time, everything was the same talk text etc everyday. He came home for a weekend as a surprise to his dad for his dad's birthday. They were together the entire time. He made a confession to my daughter he had gone to a party but only as the designated drive, (He doesn't drink either) He cried and told her he wouldn't go to any more. My daughter told him it was ok that he should hang with his team mates and that she trusted him. Two weeks later he told her he wasn't able to give her the time she deserved in a relationship and said he loved her but couldn't mess up this oppurtunity that God had given him. Heart broken she understood. After the weekend he was on the phone telling her it was impossible without her and the texting talking etc started over. They were kind of on again off again for the month. Then he asked her to come to his school for his birthday. I was not sure how I was going to do that for a couple reasons. One she is only 17 and two her dad really wasn't as keen on this boy as she and I was. It ended up he was able to come home instead. Heres were it gets really weird. The texting talking face timing everything was still going on. On a Wednesday morning he texted her the regular stuff love you miss you can't wait to see you. Its going to be perfect blah blah blah. Wednesday night, they facetimed. He was very distant. they were on the phone for about an hour. For whatever reason he had to go. they said goodbye and would talk in the morning. My daughter texted him good night I love you.. We will be together forever. He texted her back we already talked about this we are not together. Nothing else for like 5 days. Two days before he was coming home he texted her. I'm coming home this weekend (like she didn't already know) and I want to see you. They did. He told her again I love you I did before we dated I did while we dated and I will now. He gave her such mixed messages. She asked him if he still wanted to be with her forever. He said he did but not now and couldn't make any promises. Needless to say she is still madly in love with him and only looks for reassurance that I think they will get back together. She catches him on facebook talking to other girls he blocked her from instagram so she can't see pictures and has changed his major. I know they say college changed you but oh my. His family doesn't even know they are broken up. Since this whole thing was on again off again shes been in pain for over two months on and off. She tries to figure out what happened in the time from Wednesday morning to Wednesday night. I don't know what to do to help her. I tell her God has a plan and to be patient. I hate seeing her cry.

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Marci - posted on 11/13/2013

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Thanks. Would you believe she just asked me to find someone she could talk to so I have left a message for a therapist to call me to set up an appointment.

Shannon - posted on 11/13/2013

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Unfortunately, there isn't anything you can do, but to hold her when she cries and be supportive of her emotions.

I would recommend that you encourage her to move on and to hang out with her friends instead of worrying about him...no one deserves wishy washy love. And, maybe look into finding her a counselor...someone she can talk to and not feel has an agenda or is bias, "You're my mom, you have to say that..." even when you don't.

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