Bring 16 yr old stepson to the Hospital for Delivery of his sibling?

Trisha - posted on 02/20/2015 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I LOVE my stepson. He is a great kid, and his father and I are expecting a little boy.
I do not want to leave my stepson out of any of this, and want him to feel like he is a part of this new start in our life, but... he is 16! If I am in labour for an extended part of time he will be stuck at the hospital bored.
I don't have any other family there to keep him entertained, as I am not letting them know until the baby is delivered.
Luckily, the hospital is near an easily transit-able mall, so he could go there for entertainment for the day, but if it is at night I don't know what to do.
Another thought is, just have my family bring him in when they come in to visit as they will be passing by our house when coming to the hospital.
Anyone have any other suggestions/thoughts?
Obviously, we will give him the choice to come or stay at home, but I was hoping to offer him some more options.

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Trisha - posted on 02/24/2015

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Update regarding my MOM...lol.
On the weekend when my Brother and Sister-in-law were visiting us, my SIL mentioned in passing that she may have suggested to my mom that I would want to have a bit more control over who was in the delivery room etc and how I would want that to go, so... by the time I called my mom yesterday to talk about it she gave me a very passive aggressive "We will just do whatever you want, but I can't afford a hotel room".
My reply "Well, I don't have any beds for people to sleep on. We have one couch and that is it, but I did look at the Travel lodge that is 2 blocks away from my house and it is only 109 for a double bed, if you wanted to go in with someone else".
"I don't have money for things like that."
My due date is 2 months away. If she splits with my grandpa that is only $50 a person. I am confident she can afford to put away $25 a month for the next 2 months.

And, that is where the conversation ended.

Ugh. This coming from the same mother who made me cry after my first wedding.

As much as I want my family to be there and meet the baby and share in that excitement with me, I do not really want to have a full house of people sleeping on air mattresses and couches when I first get home from the hospital with a brand new baby.

Trisha - posted on 02/23/2015

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Oh yeah. No intention of forcing the boy to be there. It won't benefit anyone.
I certainly don't want to start off the life of his baby brother to be an inconvenience. He will come to terms on it and develop a relationship with the baby on his own time (probably when the baby is a toddler and a bit more interactive. lol).
I am not worried about that.
One of my friends said "well Dominic better get ready to change some diapers." My reaction was "Wtf. Why would I make him change any diapers? The baby isn't his responsibility. He can change diapers when he himself is a father, or if he wants to get paid to babysit."

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/23/2015

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I am glad that you asked your stepson what HE would want to do. It is true, he probably doesn't really care much about all the delivery stuff. Why should he? Really....I mean he is 16. Hate to say it, but that is the truth.

I would think it would be nice when the rest of the family comes to see you and baby in the hospital that he would come also.

What it comes down to, if he doesn't want to be there, don't force him. You would be forcing him for yourself, not for what he wants.

Trisha - posted on 02/23/2015

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I asked my stepson if he wanted to come or not, and his reaction was... "I'll just stay home. I don't really care much about that baby stuff".

I don't think it has really sunk in to him yet. lol...

He is soon going to be surrounded by "that baby stuff".

Ev - posted on 02/22/2015

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I can understand your issue for privacy. I am glad your willing to have your step son in there when you have given birth to the baby to meet his new sibling like that. I come from another issue when having a baby. My daughter and son are very close and when she had her babies he wanted to be there the day they came. The first time he did not meet his niece for two weeks. I took him to meet her. He and his sis were not happy that his dad did not take him to the hospital to see his niece the first time. The second time, my daughter texted me that she wanted me to make sure her brother was there to meet his new nephew. I made that promise. And I kept it. I took him the day after his nephew was born. His dad was not thrilled about that because the step kids and younger siblings did not go but they were not my responsibility. My daughter and son were happy with how it turned out.

Joan - posted on 02/20/2015

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I think it's the sentiment of asking him that will be the biggest deal either way :) He's a boy so he may say that he doesn't want to go bc birth (yuck! lol) But at least you put it out there and he knows you want him there.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/20/2015

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Sounds like it, Trish. You go to it! Stand your ground, girl!

Trisha - posted on 02/20/2015

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I am certainly considering that! Being that we are from a larger city they might be more respectful of that, in comparison to the small town my SIL gave birth.
I think my mom might also get that I want my stepson in there before anyone else, to show that he is as much as part of the family unit as this lil baby is, and that he should have a special connection over the aunts, uncles and grandparents.
I think It is time to have a serious conversation with my mom about what I want, and how we can work it all out.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/20/2015

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One thing to remember. You can tell the birthing staff exactly who is allowed into the room and who is not. They will enforce your wishes, because YOU are the birthing mother.

I had to ban my mother from my first son's delivery. She was allowed in the waiting room, and staff kept her from even entering the OB unit until I gave permission...so that could be an option for your mom, as well as giving your step son a chance to be there earlier if he wanted.

Good luck!

Trisha - posted on 02/20/2015

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This will be my first baby.
Unfortunately my Mom has already showed her lack of respect when the request to personal space in the delivery room, so she will not actually know until the baby is delivered. That means they won't be there until about 3 hours after the delivery as they live in a different city.
My sister in law had both my mom and her own mom intrude into the delivery room when she wanted only my brother. I don't want to be in this same situation. I like my privacy, and want all the bonding time I can take to breastfeed for the first time etc.

Sarah - posted on 02/20/2015

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If this is your first or you generally have longer labors then I would allow him to stay at home and have family pick him up on the way to the hospital. You can still have family wait in the waiting room for awhile while you, your husband, and your step-son have a some time just as a family before inviting the rest of the family in.

Another option would be for him to come with you to the hospital and when he got bored have family pick him up and bring him home for awhile. Again this would not work well in the middle of the night (but in the middle of the night he may prefer to stay in bed and sleep anyway). I am sure family would be more than willing to help out in anyway they can.

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