Brother reuniting with father who molested me years ago

Liz - posted on 08/05/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hello,

Years ago, I was molested by my stepfather. He was removed from our household, and my brother "missed out" on having a full relationship with his dad throughout his teenage years. Now I am 34, and my brother is 28, and he has been trying to salvage some sort of relationship with him. My brother has bipolar disorder and depression, so if he feels this would fill a void, or be a positive force in his life, fine. BUT it is not going well. His dad is not a good person, and my brother seeks me out to vent and to give him support through this. HELLO??? I want to be there for him, but HELLO! My brother finally asked him up front if he really did abuse me. Ofcourse, he said no. The police got it wrong. My mom just wanted him gone. He has no idea why I would say those things. SO, if your father is LYING, and still cant take accountability for his actions, WHY do you bother?? I have PTSD as a result, so when my brother talks to me about it, I cringe and take a shower following our conversations. Nightmares have come back. I know my brother's state of mind is delicate, but I dont know if I can continue supporting him in his voyage to feel like he has a good father.

How do I support him without triggering my PTSD more?

How do I say it nicely?

Any help would be appreciated

3 Comments

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Liz - posted on 08/06/2015

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How did you know I am not currently seeking advice from a therapist? This experience with my brother (the bringing up of the past) makes me feel like if I get a therapist and bring up the past AGAIN, it would only make things worse. How do I filter who I would be comfortable with? I went years ago, but have forgotten the "goings on" in a therapist's office. Would they actually go through the events, or just focus on triggers currently affecting a person?


I just have such anxiety on how to even begin that process

Thanks for the advice

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/06/2015

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I agree. Seek therapy for yourself. I would tell your brother that he can no longer vent about this to you. That you are glad he is trying to reunite with his father, but you cannot help. Don't talk with him about it. You cannot be there for him. ESPECIALLY without your own therapy.

Sandra - posted on 08/05/2015

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Hi, dear
I suggest that you seek some assistance from a therapist to address the PTSD. Also give a clear message to your brother that at this point in your life you want to maintain a relationship bUT he need to respect your wishes and not to bring up the past. I hope that this was helpful.

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