Bullied by the students and teacher

Hafssa. Al - posted on 08/20/2016 ( 13 moms have responded )

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My son is in freshman just started high school my son has ADHD be does not take any medication and he has an active IEP .at the beginning of the school one of the student told him that he is ugly my son did not speak up or defend himself he came home and told me about the incident I called the principal and he told me that he will take care of that I said to him ok and then after only two days of the previous incident my son was bullied by another student inside the class the student said to him (If I have a gun with two bullets on it I would rather shoot you or shoot Hitler or Oussama benladen and he finished by saying to him I hate you Ayman my son's name .my son came home very scared and crying he told me about it I reported it to the police but the police told me that is kids joke I told them that is not a joke after while the parents called me to apologise I accepted their apology but they did not thank me for withdrawing the police reports people are gratefully some others are not life continue .one of his teachers is after my son when all the class laugh she only chose my son for referral and tells him that he is disturbing the students and disturbing.g her when it comes to help she rarely helps him one day the class has a big project but they have to do it in group guess what the teacher chose for him an autistic student to do the project and they were not advancing at all still on their lesson one the teacher did not offer to help them they need help isn't? and the other group was already on lesson 8 why she did that for me it has only one explanation she wants to kill his self esteem and put him down and make him hate the topic.let me remind you I am not against the autistic student ?Autistic students have their own style of learning and ADHD students as well have their own of learning The teacher emailed me to tell me that my son was off task and frustrated about being behind the other students so he ramped out and she told me that the other partner did not want to work with my son believe it or no my son has asked her to work by himself and did not want to work with him of course she did lie to protect herself well to end that she told him Ayman I hate you my son came home crying which kind of teachers is that I am really disappointed and stressed out ? Is the mission of teachers destroying and killing the self esteem of students and putting them down ?no one millions no ? Every student deserves success ?Teachers are the ones who encourage them and support and help them and make successful students isn't

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Jodi - posted on 08/20/2016

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Mallory, just because you don't agree with the technical definition of what bullying is doesn't give you the right to start telling people you feel sorry for their children. That's just rude. Noone is saying that threatening to kill a child is acceptable, but children this age do tend to say things without actually meaning them literally. Involving the school FIRST would be the appropriate action. If the school did not act, and the verbal abuse continued from this SAME child, then yes, that would be bullying and then obviously, you'd take it further. At this point, there would be NOTHING the police would do. They have no jurisdiction over the actions of the school. None.

"I also wanted to add, this parent did specifically say there were more than one child bullying him... "

They were two separate incidences. That is not bullying. If they had been two incidences from one child, then maybe it would be bordering on "bullying".

Please note, NOONE here is saying ANY of this behaviour is ok. They are just pointing out that these are ALL separate incidences and need to be dealt with as such, not dealt with as if there was one individual person instigating all the grievances of this one child and calling the police instead of working WITH the school.

Sarah - posted on 08/20/2016

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Regarding the definition of bullying this link seems pretty clear to me:
http://www.stopbullying.gov/what-is-bull...

"A person is bullied when he or she is exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more other persons, and he or she has difficulty defending himself or herself."

I agree that these were two separate unfortunate incidents. Both unacceptable and both needing to be addressed by the school principal. If the principal gets left out of the loop the she is not going to be aware that the child is having repeated incidents. So jumping to the police didn't really move to improve the problem. If this child truly believed his life was at risk, I personally would have walked into the school office myself and addressed the principal. It is a little hard to understand some of the post because it is not punctuated clearly. I wonder why this child's IEP is not being implemented more effectively to help him manage class projects like the one described. There must be some modification suggestions for work that he finds challenging or daunting to stay on task. Did the teacher handle this well? No, but teachers are human too and getting everyone together and on the same page is going to be the most helpful in the long run.

Michelle - posted on 08/20/2016

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I know he is your son but you are only hearing his side. You say the teacher lied to cover herself, what about your son doing the same. You should have a meeting with the teacher, your son, you and the principle to get everything out in the open. The he said, she said doesn't help anyone.
You really aren't helping by calling the school after the first incident of another child saying your son is ugly. Your son needs to learn that things won't always go his own way in this life and he needs to deal with it. He won't always have Mummy backing him up and telling others off if they are mean to him.

Jodi - posted on 08/20/2016

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The OP did not mention that the principal was even involved in this incident, just that the child came home and said what happened. Nothing about whether any teachers or the principal were involved. Did the child actually tell anyone other than the parent? We don't know that. But it sounds like the parent never contacted the school about it. I have personally not assumed that anything here was about race.

Jodi - posted on 08/20/2016

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I'm sorry Mallory, but technically, it isn't, and too many people throw the word around to describe a single negative interaction between two students. It is a negative interaction, not bullying. IF that student, however, targets the child AGAIN, then we could describe it as continued and therefore bullying. Involving the police in a one-off incident is overkill UNLESS there has been a physical assault, in which case, we are talking en entirely different situation.

I also never said the child lied. I said I highly doubt those were the WORDS the teacher used, but that the child perceived it that way. I also said that his perception was valid. Did you even read the post? I never once suggested she not stand beside her child. I understood the poster had already spoken to the teacher, but it was not clear that an actual MEETING had taken place. The two ONE OFF issues with other students and the issue with the teacher have to be treated separately. Talking to the principal about the incident with another student is not the same as having a discussion about the classroom teacher.

My comment is shameful? My comments are criticism? I'm sorry you think that. But the FACT is, the principal may very well have handled the situation with the first student. To assume the school is condoning bullying because a totally different student decided to create another incident is wrong. Going to the police over this is ridiculous unless the school is doing nothing and the targeting continues. Otherwise, you need to give the school the opportunity to address the issue. I was in NO WAY criticising this parent, I was criticising the incorrect USE of the term bullying, and I was suggesting that a MEETING (taking notes and all) be arranged. Shameful? I was offering some constructive advice. But by all means, continue calling the police every time something happens - that will really help you build a relationship with the school principal and the other students.

13 Comments

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Elaine - posted on 08/23/2016

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This is a painful situation for both you and your son. Your son deserves to feel SAFE when he goes to school. Feeling intimidated and scared will clearly interfere with his academic success and certainly inhibit him from engaging socially. You have received some good feedback from others who have posted. It is important to get the leadership at his school involved. Meetings with the principal, guidance counselor, involved teachers, etc. are critical. It might be good to ask for a meeting before he starts school again so there is a plan in place to help your son. There may also be additional resources outside the school that you can look into. You might want to consider speaking to his pediatrician and sharing what is happening. The doctor may be able to give you additional help for your son, including a counselor who can equip him to deal with stressful situations at school. School leadership must take steps to ensure your son's well-being. Stay strong and continue to reach out until you have an acceptable comfort level. It is a parent's job to advocate for their child since they are not able to stand up for themselves. Wishing you both peace and relief.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/21/2016

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Two separate incidents with two separate students that are unconnected is not bullying. It is not acceptable behaviour, but it is not bullying, and it should have been handled at the school level, with the principal and counselor's office rather than calling the police off the bat.

Mallory, the OP mentioned nothing about race or bigotry. Why do you keep bringing that up?

As far as the situation with the teacher, you only have one side of that one as well. You need to be requesting meetings with the teacher in question as well as the principal and counselor.

If you feel that his IEP is not being followed, you need to address that with the counselor that set it up.

Michelle - posted on 08/20/2016

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My oldest son has been bullied (yes, repeatedly) by this one boy. My son hasn't given him the satisfaction of showing it gets to him. One day the bully said to my son he wants to punch him, my son said go ahead and the bully did.
The bully got himself a suspension and now when my son complains about the bully the school listens. I haven't gotten involved with the petty things that are going on at the school, it only makes your children more of a target.
In regards to the boy saying he wants to shoot him, that was resolved. The parents have apologized so it's time to move on. The OP said she accepted their apology.
Mallory, I think you actually need to read properly, you seem to only read half of what is written and then go off at the poster.

Mallory - posted on 08/20/2016

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But what about a boy saying he wanted to shoot him? Does that not warrant something more than just growing thicker skin? That's what I'm most worried about... That's extremely scary, being a parent.
I also wanted to add, this parent did specifically say there were more than one child bullying him... The politically correct version of bullying doesn't really seem accurate. If you think even 1 child threatening your child's life isn't bullying, I feel sorry for your child.

Mallory - posted on 08/20/2016

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You bet if someone threatens the life of my child, I will call the police. I'm surprised the principle didn't! But this sounds completely based around race and I'd treat that very seriously if we're you sweetheart. I hope everything works out and that child learns that bullying isn't the way to go. I wish you all the best! ♥

Mallory - posted on 08/20/2016

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I completely disagree with you about bullying. 1 single incident is bullying! When someone threatens your child, saying they'd like to shoot them, THAT IS BULLYING and is when you involve not only the teacher, the principle but the police. Seeing as how racism is becoming an epidemic, I as a parent would never take this lightly.
And by the way, for you to say that his child is lying about the teacher is heart wrenching, when you're being bullied by not only the students but the teacher as well, you take your child's word over the teachers. You stand beside your child.
Your comment is shameful.
He said he tried to handle it through the school but it isn't working. He needs help with this. Not criticism.

Jodi - posted on 08/20/2016

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I want to start by saying that the two incidents by the students is not "bullying". It actually really bothers me when someone uses that term for a single incident by a particular student. Bullying is when it is REPEATED behaviour by an individual. Not a one-off incident. However, obviously, what these students did in those two one-off incidents is not okay and can be addressed by the school. I don't understand why you went to the police for the second incident rather than going to the school to see how they could address the issue. The second incident is NOT related to the first incident, so it isn't an indicator that the school hadn't addressed the actions of the previous student.

With regard to the teacher, I highly doubt she said "I hate you" to the child, but I'd suggest that's the way he perceives it, which is also very valid. Have you been in to have a meeting with the teacher about the class? Maybe you could ask that the teacher's supervisor or the principal also be in that meeting so that you can all be on the same page about your concerns?

Mallory - posted on 08/20/2016

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Hello, my name is Mallory.
I am so extremely sorry about everything you and your family is going through! I can't imagine what you must be feeling for your son...
I wouldn't let this go any further, I would let the principle know exactly what is going on and that this is not going to be tolerated. There is a VERY high teen suicide rate when bullied and your son does not deserve to be apart of that statistic.
Let the principle know if this happens again, the police will be involved and you will press charges on whomever is involved, that being the students or teacher. You have to "take the bull by the horns" as they say.
I would advise you to look up the bullying laws in your county/state and make sure you are completely prepared to back up anything with factual laws... Like bigotry against anyone because of their ethnicity and or religion.
Bullying is absolutely the worst thing a teen can go through and I want you to know I care enough to look it up for you and help your son.
There's no excuse for this and I can't stand to hear the school is being so uncooperative.
Again, I am so sorry your family is going through this. Let your son know you love him and support him. Let him know you will take care of this and he will get through it.
Please keep me updated!

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