Bullies in Daycare?

Erika - posted on 07/23/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

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My 1 year old daughter is being picked on by an older, bigger kid in day care. She comes home with scratches and occasionally abraded. There are usually vague 'incident' reports filed, without the name of the offending child, but i know exactly which one it is because i have seen him knock other kids down and punch them, spit on them, etc. as I am dropping my daughter off. The caregivers do the best they can, i.e. isolate the bully, and I do feel bad for him as his mother is a nit-wit. But I am still at a loss.. what recourse do I have? It's not like I can put a restraining order on a 16 month old?

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Just to qualify myself - I do a lot of work in training teachers to deal with toddlers who exhibit challenging behavior. There's a ton of information out there that can help the teachers deal with the child who is biting. Unfortunately, when you put together a bunch of small children who have a limited language ability there are going to be times when using their bodies physically is the only way they can communicate.

I know how frustrating this is - as a mom I've been on both ends. As a teacher sometimes you have a child who has so many issues that they become aggressive. How sad at that young age. I wonder if the staff is doing anything to work with the family of this child - do they need some sort of support?

A few quick tips -
-teach all of the children in the classroom a few simple signs. A good way to start is to put their hand out for "stop" or "space" (As in, I need more space).
-It's helpful for the teachers to know what happened right before the incidents. Were the two tussling over a toy? did the one who bit win the toy? That's a lot of positive reinforcement for how well biting works.
-What kind of attention is this kid getting? Is the class size small enough that he is being loved and nurtured? OR is he behaving this way to get some attention. (Someone above mentioned 21 toddlers and I can't believe that is legal in any state).

I'm sending you a message with some research and info you can share with your child's teachers. Good luck!

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Rabia - posted on 10/22/2013

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I have jsut learned that the daycare my 2yr old goes to asks the bullied child to hit back. That is how they deal with bullies. I am not ok with this as I discourage my child from hitting-now this. I feel encouraging this is turning him into a bully

LINDA - posted on 07/24/2009

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hi my name is lynn and I ran a day care for 18 years and yes I have seen many a time where some older kids would pick on the younger ones and even the younger ones being the bully! but I always let the parents know what was going on and if it kept up where one child was getting hurt then that other child would be sent home and I would let both parents know what was going with both names so maybe they could work something out it's not right if someone is hurting your child and you can't talk to there parents to see what is going I ran my day care in my home so I knew what was going all the time the kids loved me and I loved them if your getting no where in this day care go to the head of the day care and see what can be done

take care lynn

Sydnee - posted on 07/23/2009

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yeah it is tough. but we have 4 1 year olds to a teacher and in the 2 year old room we have 4 teachers so i guess we could have a few more but that room cant have more.

Lisa Marks - posted on 07/23/2009

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Talk to the director or file a complaint. Ask that the bully be put in another room. If this does not help then I would consider finding another day care.

Arwen - posted on 07/23/2009

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I worked at a daycare/preschool for over two years, and I know that if teachers can't prevent this sort of thing then either they have too many kids per room as allowed by law, or they aren't watching the kids. Either thing is inexcusable. In Louisiana you are allowed seven 1 year olds per teacher, max. I'd hate to be Sydnee here, thirteen 2 year olds were the max we were allowed, and we always had more than one teacher in those classes.

Anyway, in my experience, the only kids that get repeatedly hurt are kids whose teachers are texting or gabbing through a doorway with other adults instead of watching their class. I would recommend that you call social services to give the daycare a checkup, and never bring your child back.

If you are wondering why they never put the offender's name down, there's a law about that. The teachers aren't allowed. It's to protect the children. I remember only once a teacher spilling the beans about which child had pushed hers, and she went over to the antagonist and was screaming and cursing the boy out. We had to get people to remove her from the grounds. Some people go crazy when it comes to their kids.

Sydnee - posted on 07/23/2009

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i also work at a day care and i understand both sides. it is hard to keep track of 21 toddlers (thats what we have in our 2 year old room i dont know about yours.) but for the most part the teachers should be aware of the trouble makers and keep a closer eye on them and know what provokes them to attack others. talk to the director see what she says and maybe talk to some other parents, see if its also happening to them, if more than one family complains about the bully then most likely the parents of this child will be forced to either take action and teach their child or they will be kicked out due the the amounts of complaints and attacks. make sure the teachers are aware that you are truly truly conserned with this child's behavior towards your own and you will not be happy if it is just blown off like it was an accident. but at the same time this child may be a bully and you may see him doing it towards other children but all of the accidents that have happened may have come from other children too. its a tricky age.

April - posted on 07/23/2009

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Okay, I have worked in Foster Care for the last 7 years. Chances are there is something going on at home that is not being addressed, and the child is taking their frustration out on others. This is obviously something that will not be corrected overnight. You will have to decide whether that daycare is good enough for your child. If they are not correcting the situation then it is time to move on. Every one wants to go to court over something. Take control of the situation and remove your child from the harmful environment. That will take care of the situation.

Ashley - posted on 07/23/2009

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i work at a daycare and deal wih this on a daily basis but if possible ask the director to swich either ur child or the other chld and thats not possible repor ever incident and concern to the director and make sure u put ur foot down

Stina - posted on 07/23/2009

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that's rough. I was horrified to find a mysterious bruise on my daughter when she was 18 mo. The daycare knew something had happened but not where- b/c all they saw was her crying after a known biter left her. She came home with a few other bite bruises. I thought someone was abusing my baby since I hadn't seen an incident report... when I went the next day and asked the director about it, I found out I just hadn't been shown the report. in any case, I kept searching for another daycare that would take my kids as early as I needed to drop them off- with no luck. finally my job situation changed and we no longer need daycare...



Talk to the director about these 'vague' incident reports. Explain that you want to know what happens to your daughter and what measures are being taken with the bully to teach him that it is not ok. If you aren't satisfied with their measures, seek out another daycare. Sorry bullies mom is a 'nitwit' my daughters 'bully' had a nice mom who was horrified at what her son did at daycare. She even apologized to me for what he did.

Betty - posted on 07/23/2009

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Find a new day care. This shouldn't be happening and the day care should have expelled the offender from the school by now. I know that sounds harsh but it is a liability to have a child like that around the other children. The day care is being negligent by allowing this to go on. It's not like you can teach her to swing a punch. She is a helpless baby.

Sharon - posted on 07/23/2009

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You can complain about the continued "assualts" on your child. If the assualts continue you have every right to file for compensation or to call the police about the unrestrained assaults on your child. If you go to the daycare to pick up your daughter and she has more marks on her and the day care won't prove that they have taken steps to prevent this - call the police, non emergency number. Have photos of other scrapes and bruises, dates marked on the calendar etc. The police will take notes and file a report and you can take them to court.

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