bullying

User - posted on 02/22/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )

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my daughter is badly bullied by the children and the teachers at school i cant prove it but i know its going on ,any advice

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Louise - posted on 02/22/2011

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Ask your daughter to keep a diary of what is going on for a week. If she can not write yet then ask her every day what has happened. At the end of the week go and see the head teacher and ask her what she is going to do about it. If your child is feeling victimised at school she will not want to go and this is going to affect her social and accademic future.

Just remember that children do exaggerate things so try and ask another child in the class what they have seen too, just so you get a balance. I have had bullying problems for years with my eldest son and it is very stressful for you as well as your child because you feel so helpless. Best bet is to keep the diary and then confront the school. Good luck!

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User - posted on 02/22/2011

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yer i know its shocking bonnie ,just scared to go to a new school but have applied to recommended ones just hard to get them in ,thanx bonnie for your support

Bonnie - posted on 02/22/2011

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The teachers too? That is terrible. I would talk with the principal if you haven't already than maybe try higher up. If that doesn't work, maybe it's time for a new school!?

User - posted on 02/22/2011

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hi laura thank you for your reply kaitlin has a diagnosis of both autism /adhd ,they are aware that she has autism witch makes it all the more frustrating ,i will deffanatly start logging everything now ,i did for a bit before christmas but screwed it all up and put it in the bin frustrated that bringing them to a meeting i wasnt being heard ,kaitlins social worker has seen the emotional effect so hopefully she will do something about it ,iv also applied to another school but its a waiting list at moment because its such a good school ,,

Laura - posted on 02/22/2011

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Sue, I'm from the States so I can only respond from my perspective and experience in that context.

If your daughter has autism/ADHD, then you need to have her officially diagnosed and reported to the school, even if she performs well acedemically. As Louise pointed out, she may be entitled to help, but at the very least it can provide an explaination for her behaviors to the teacher(s). This way the teachers can be made aware of more appropriate responses to her behavior, if they would be willing to use them. As much as I hate using labels with kids, labels DO have some value at times. I think this might be one of them. It puts everyone on the same page with your daughter and alerts the school to her possible needs.

Your best course of action, IMO, is to make noise! Write letters and make phone calls to whomever you need to and to whomever will listen at the school. As Louise suggested, either have your daughter document or you document any bullying/teasing episodes. Document all of your correspondence with the school: Record dates, times, names of personnel, and a summary of your discussion or the bullying event. All of this information can be used to provide "proof" should you ever need to take this problem further (as in to the Courts).

Another tactic you could use requires a more public approach. If this school doesn't like negative publicity because of their reputation, then you can use that to your advantage! Use your local media! Write critical letters to local newspapers. Contact TV stations about doing an anti-bullying report. Use the media to "out" the behavior of this school. What do you think would happen if a news report featured the bullying of an autistic child at this school? Negative publicity, or even just the threat of it, can sometimes stir administrators to action. If you do hint at going public with this issue, be prepared to follow through! Idle threats are useless. If this school values its reputation, then it will work to see that the bullying is dealt with privately rather than risk damaging its public image. Be tough and hang in there! You will have to be prepared to fight but know that you have support here and that what you do may not just be helping your daughter but other kids, too, that are also being bullied but are too afraid. Hope this helps and I'm cheering for you!

User - posted on 02/22/2011

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hi louise ,no kaitlin wasnt statemented because academecly shes acheiving her targets ,i have thought of going to council but i dont know how to get proof and school is good at closing ranks when they sniff something ,thesres no parent liasion officer because they wont fund one its a nightmare school with a great reputation that will not be distroyed under any circumstance

Louise - posted on 02/22/2011

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Sue this is terrible. I really don't know how you are going to get this stopped if you feel you can't speak out to the governers. If this is affecting your daughter on a daily basis I would probably write to the local councel and ask them to investigate. They are not allowed to disclose who has made a complaint against the school and have to make a thorough investigation is an accusation has been made.

Also has your daughter been statemented with her autisum and adhd because if she has she is entitled to a learning support assistant to help her in class this would put an end to any of this.

I think you are in for a fight Sue but stand firm and demand that your daughter gets the same respect and education as ever other child. It is her right!

Pick up the phone or put pen to paper today and contact the council.

User - posted on 02/22/2011

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hi louise thank you so much for taking time to post a message back to me ,kaitlin has autism/adhd and reacts to everything witch the children have noticed and they tease her incourage her to do things that will get her into troulbe ,over the year 6 seperate older children have whitnessed staff snatching pencils from her and telling her to not look at other children ,yet i am always encouraging eye contact ,the head iv been to time and time again and nothing changes they just look at me as a paronoid mum ,i cant go to govs as they breach confidentuality the teachers are extreamly clicky ,one girls mum said her daughter cried herself to sleep out of guilt from whitnessing the bullying but mums to scared to come forward to head ,2 children were bullied for trying to stick up for kaitlin ,kaitlins so defensive now that even speaking to her makes her aggressive towards me

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