bullying

Mchelle - posted on 02/20/2014 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I am disabled so i can'tafford a lawyer. my grandson is 13 and has had sexual advances in bathrooms at school. seen pornography . and vulgar music. been stabbed with a pencil in his chest if coat wasn't so thick it would have gotten his chest.The bullying has gotton so bad these kids r coming to my home and beating him and threatening me as well. we just sat in hospital for hours because he went to borrow ice because he hurt his wrist at skating where some kid tripped him. and some kid walks up and punches hi hurt wrist then his nose. so much blood. i live in utica ny. and school or police aren't helping us .

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Kerri Leigh - posted on 02/24/2014

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I am a paralegal and I live on Fort Bragg. I know for a fact that the police CAN do something about these bullies. A restraining order is first. With proof of hospital visits and photographs of the injuries you should get one immediately. Make sure to get the names of offenders, names of the parents and addresses of the bullies. NEXT, if the order is violated then you can press charges. PLEASE DO THIS IMMEDIATELY. I would get the restraining order served immediately for risk of continued bodily harm or worse.

Sarah - posted on 02/23/2014

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Hi. I'm not from your area but I did a search and found there is a place near Utica called the Watertown Urban Mission. My suggestion would be to contact them and let them know what your situation is. They may be able to help advise you on what steps to take in your situation or to let you know which groups can help you. They may also have activities that you and your grandson can become involved in for social support. You don't have to be a church goer to seek their help.

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Amy - posted on 02/23/2014

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Michelle,

Legal Aid means you do have an attorney. Don't say you cant afford something you already have.

Joe - posted on 02/21/2014

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Maybe you could call the hospital if they can attest these things, maybe this could help you.

Mchelle - posted on 02/21/2014

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I have legal aid. But not sure what they can do yet. The police r showing up. He has had over30 welts on him. Blak eyes and just recently a trip to er. The hosp even said because his wrist r swollen and bruised they won't. Put assault charges on minors unless they break a bone or worse.thats the law in nys. So there is no protection for thwm. Harraament and assault only count for adults even da told me

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/21/2014

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Then you need to contact legal aid, and press charges. Disability does not mean that you cannot follow through with these things. My husband is fully disabled.

There ARE avenues that you can take, especially in the area that you are located. Rather than play the "I can't do this because..." card, take action. Only YOU can make this situation any better by continuing to pursue the perpetrators.

But, I have to say that, if the cops are showing up, and not finding any evidence of assault, they will not assume that one has happened. There has to be proof. If they're just telling the kids to go home, then the kids aren't breaking any laws. Harrassment, and assault are illegal, so the officers would take action if it were occurring.

Either way, you need to get an attorney. There are several that work with legal aid, or have sliding scale fees, or will bill according to income.

Mchelle - posted on 02/21/2014

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I do and they tell the kids to go home. And force me to keep him inside. They won't. Press any charges unless they break his bones. The law does not protect r kids when it's. Other teens. Just sad.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/21/2014

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If you are being threatened, and physically assaulted, you need to file police reports each and every time. The police cannot help for 'alleged' crimes, but if you call them when you see the kids coming, and tell them that there is a violent confrontation happening right then, they will respond. It's their job.

Joe - posted on 02/21/2014

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Good to know that he's home for the time being, sounds like you are doing alright so far. I hope you find a better school for him soon. A bit embarrassing for the school that students got a hold of porn using their computers. As I said: I think you should ask the police about what they (and/or what you) can do about those people harassing you two at home. It doesn't mean that there needs to be a lawyer involved, but I don't see a way around asking the authorities for help - that's what they should be here for. Ah yeah: And make sure that you talk to him before you get him into some school, maybe he knows where he wants to go to school, or has certain wishes, but I guess you already thought of that. (Just saying - just in case.)

Mchelle - posted on 02/20/2014

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The porn was at school. On school computer. Teacher admitted it happend.and this has been going on over 3a years. They beat him with objects. And fists. I took him out of school and now thier hurting him in r own yard.

Joe - posted on 02/20/2014

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Porn and music you disagree with aren't all that much outside the norm, It's simply puberty, "loud music" may be a great way to vent his frustration and aggression. Sex at that age is definitely outside the norm - but as long he's not harming anyone and if he's not harmed himself (aka raped or molested) it may not be that much of an issue, though I understand that it's kind of scary, especially with STDs and so on. Now here's what's close to my heart, because I've been there - and that's being tortured in school. Learning and school never been "cool" and it's never going to be, but if he skips classes, school all together, or his grades just dropped at one point, and you know he's experiencing violence in school then you may have a mighty big problem. It's very important that you remain calm, talk to the teachers, but don't yell at them, don't be condescending, tell them what happened, what you've seen and that you are worried, maybe the know a few things or can keep an eye open. If they come round to your house and threaten you, you want to call the police. I'm not sure what they can do, but if it's a regular thing that these kids rock up at your house and boss you around, maybe they can keep an eye out at the times that usually happens. Asking doesn't cost you anything. As for your grandson: Give him some space, he needs time to work his way through that garbage mentally and emotionally, if he's getting beat up at school the last thing he needs is someone snooping around about porn and complaining about music. I'm not saying that you should stay out of his life, the last thing I would have done at that age is admit it - but just "being there" and listening sometimes helps. Maybe you can work with him and find something he finds rewarding - some hobby, club or something along those lines. Having a place and maybe friends away from school could be very important, maybe if he finds new friends, and maybe through those even a new school where he won't experience these things could get better. But yeah, don't lash out on the teachers, understand his frustration and despair, be there for him if he needs you, but leave him room to breath and regenerate. Well, it's really hard to come up with formulas of what's best, but it's what I think would have been good for me, I hope I was able to offer some useable piece of advice. 5 Years and he'll be through the worst, no matter what, but at 13 5 years will feel like an eternity.

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