c section envy answers

User - posted on 12/15/2010 ( 33 moms have responded )

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to answer the questions, that some o the ladies asked i say ladies but some were so rude i think ladie is too nice of a name. yes i am for real, my sons 20 month old and healthy, i am 22 years old, i am dislexic so i do find spelling hard but what does that have to do with anything. i only wanted a response from people who had experienced the same or felt the same no arguments. why are so many of you so angry about what i said i never said all women feel this way and i understand most women wouldnt choose a c section but there ar some like me who do and some who i feel are jelous. i went in at 39 weeks 5 days had my c section which went great yes i saw him being bornand held him strait after my partner cut the cord i had no pain after and wa up in 20 hours again no pain i have a tiny scar in my eyes a perfect birth i hope tis answers the questions.

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Amber - posted on 12/15/2010

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I wasn't part of the initial conversation, but I did go back and read the original post.

I would guess that you got what you deem aggressive answers because you were putting down mother's who had natural births in the same way that you were saying that you didn't want to be put down for your choice of a c-section.

Saying that mother's who had natual births are jealous of you is not a positive statement, nor would I even think that it falls into the category of a factual statement.

And writing a comment in this thread that assumes that you and other mom's who receive scheduled c-sections are more modern than those who don't, is also condenscending. Maybe you should think about how you are phrasing things, because that's probably why you are geting the adverse reactions.



And that fact that you tagged it as "looking for honest debate" also invited critiques and debate on your post.



I had a natural birth. I'm not jealous of you, nor do I really mind that you had a c-section. It is not a decision that I would make, because I don't believe that it is the healthiest decision for the baby. But that's my opinion. You made your choice based on your opinion...and I'm fine with that.

Tah - posted on 12/15/2010

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okay let me say this....i have never in my life and with all the family, friends and co-workers and people who just shop at the same place i get my groceries from, before i joined COM heard moms insult and belittle each other over the way they had babies..i had 2 vaginally and my third went and dropped his heart rate to 40 so i had a crash c-section, when i woke up from that major surgery i was pretty sure that they had gotten all the girls i had ever fought together in that OR and let them beat the crap out of me and told them..focus on the stomach..but guess what, through all that pain, i wanted to see my baby, screw your pain medicine, where is Rylan, intermediate NICU my bum, bring me my baby before i tear this place up...now when i saw him and heard him, how i had him was no longer important,(not that it really was anyway)..now through my other 2 labors and deliveries whice probably add up to a week in time, i have never in my life been jealous of someone who had a c-section, planned, or otherwise. To suggest someone is jealous over is going to draw strong views because it is not a fact, it seems to be something people tell each other or themselves to be okay with their choice, well you don't have to put others down to be okay with what you chose to do, just own it, i am happy everytime i hear someone had a healthy baby, no matter how they got here, isn't that the goal....geez...

Jodi - posted on 12/15/2010

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Amelia, if you are looking for positive responses, you really need to rephrase your posts, because you are bailing out an entire group of mothers for being jealous of you, having loose vaginas, being emotionally scarred and now for not being modern. I could care less how you gave birth. But I DO care that you have these wildly uninformed and ignorant accusations.



It wasn't the c-section that bothered anyone. That's your choice, whether I agree with you or not. It was the accusations you made about mothers who give birth naturally. That just isn't going to win you any friends.



If you are comfortable with your choice, why do you even care what other people think anyway?

[deleted account]

Thank you for responding Amelia, but I am just unsure how you justified a c-section with being jealous. That is what I wanted clarified-what is there to be jealous about? I responded to you that a c-section was a decision between you & your doctor. Still wondering how other moms are jealous though. And trust me, there are plenty of us modern moms around here. But linking a c-section to being modern is not my idea of being a modern mother.

Katherine - posted on 12/15/2010

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I don't understand why it's a choice now. It should be for medical reasons ONLY!

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Firebird - posted on 01/04/2011

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I agree with Katherine, I don't understand why it's a choice either. Nor do I understand why anyone would make that choice. I won't cut down a woman who chooses a c-section with no medical reasoning, but I don't respect that decision.
A woman I know in the town where I live, gave birth to twins recently. Her original plan was to go natural, but due to a series of extremely unfortunate events (mostly people not doing their jobs properly), she needed an emergency c-section. The doctor who did it, cut her baby girl's face wide open. That poor baby has a gash from the corner of her eye, near the bridge of her nose, all the way down to her mouth. The doctor then lied about it to the father, who promptly told him to tell the truth, or the doctor'd be leaving that room in a black bag, and he'd be leaving in handcuffs. Doc originally said it was a birth defect, but came clean after he was threatened.
Both those babies are still with their mother in the children's hospital and the little girl can't even eat. This may not be a common incident, but it's not an isolated incident either.

Krista - posted on 12/16/2010

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Amelia, if you are looking for positive responses, you really need to rephrase your posts, because you are bailing out an entire group of mothers for being jealous of you, having loose vaginas, being emotionally scarred and now for not being modern.

Jodi does make a good point. Your original post did come across as though you were saying that any moms who gave birth vaginally are jealous of you for having an elective c-section. You came across as rather arrogant about the entire thing, and it ruffled quite a few feathers, I'm afraid.

At any rate, I'm glad that you enjoyed your birth experience. I also enjoyed mine. At the end of the day, all that matters is that we all wind up with healthy babies. How they get into this world is just details.

Tiffany - posted on 12/16/2010

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I will just say that my 1st child was born naturally and my 2nd was born by a C-Section...I would never recommend a C-Section to anyone, my youngest was in the NICU for a week and they said it was a direct result of being born by C-Section..so jealous..I think not.

Rosie - posted on 12/16/2010

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i'm glad you enjoyed your birth experience. i enjoyed mine, all 3 times. i think to automatically assume someone else is jealous is ridiculous. and also the loose vagina thing... tacky. not gonna really get people clammoring to your side.

maybe everyone should be more supportive of others choices, but you know what? that goes both ways.

Emilee - posted on 12/16/2010

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my c-section didnt go well at all it was very painful it i had to choose again it would go natural. when i have my next baby i will not have a c-section im going to have a vback

Laura - posted on 12/16/2010

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This is an interesting thread. It seems like the argument isn't about C-sections at all but rather ASSUMED feelings. Amelia, grade school taught me that assuming makes an a** out of "u" and "me", especially when connected to such a divisive emotion as jealousy. Is it possible, rather, that there are women out in the world that may have regreted, for one reason or another, NOT having a planned C-section? Sure, it's possible. But regret is an entirely different emotion than jealousy. I doubt seriously many women are "jealous" that they didn't have a planned C-section because that emotion requires being in the moment, not looking back or toward the future. In this case the "moment" would be birth and I don't know ANY woman who could hold on to such a negative emotion as jealousy during that process, C-section included. As many have already pointed out, a C-section is an option for delivering a baby--some plan a head, as you did (and many doctors like to!); some, including myself, have had them because of a particular risk or health-related issue that may emerge during the birthing process; and many other women have babies the good old fashioned, normal, vaginal way! If anything, I am more inclined to "assume" (dare I?) that the regret may actually fall the other way--women who have had C-sections that wished they could have delivered vaginally. I only had one child and missed out on giving birth as nature intended a woman. Any regrets about that? Not really because in the end I had a beautiful, perfectly healthy baby girl and that is what really matters! Without modern medicine and surgical procedures like C-sections, one or both of us might not have survived the birthing process...

Kate CP - posted on 12/16/2010

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Yea...still not entirely sure what the point of this post or the other post was.

You had a baby. Good for you. You opted for major abdominal surgery...good for you.

I had a baby. Bully for me. I decided to go without drugs and give birth vaginally. Hoorah for me.

Where does jealousy come into play?

Katherine - posted on 12/16/2010

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Yes, Renae. But to cause unnecessary trauma only because we want to get the baby out on schedule or would "rather" is just not something I agree with. I guess it's my opinion. Choice yes, but just for convenience-no.

Renae - posted on 12/16/2010

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Katherine, shouldn't it be a choice simply because we should have the right to choose an available option if we want to? The individual reasons, and whether anyone else agrees with them, are not the point, the point is having the entitlement to choose.

Louise - posted on 12/16/2010

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I have not read the original posts but being a mum of three two naturally and one emergency c section all I can say is if I had the choice there is no way in high hell I would opt for a c section. I was up and about and able to care for my baby almost straight away with the natural births and hated being tied to a bed with a catheter in for 24 hours with the c section I was unable to care for my daughter relying on the maternity staff to change and feed her. This affected me bonding with my daughter and the physical pain was at time unbearable as I picked up a cough from the anesthetic. Coughing with stiches across your stomach was agony. If I had the choice again it would be natural all the way. I feel sorry for the mums who have to go through this and not jealous in any way. Having been there and done that I know what I would choose. But saying that if it works for you then who is anyone to bad mouth your choice.

Stifler's - posted on 12/15/2010

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i never said i cared how people gave birth. i'm just not jealous of something i had the choice to have and didn't.

Tah - posted on 12/15/2010

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well that point would be lost on me if she is saying that people who's personal choices are different than hers are jealous....

Tia - posted on 12/15/2010

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I don't know about any of the previous posts but I think what Amelia meant, and correct me if I'm wrong, when she said "modern mums" is mothers who would be open and accepting of other people's personal choices. I do not see why everyone is taking this so personally. I had two natural births and loved every second. I avoided a C-section at all costs, but I can totally respect another Mom's decision if she feels like she wants it. You never know where someone else is coming from. Ladies, we have to stick together and support each other, because no one understands how hard it is to be a Mother like we do, weather you had a C, vaginal, water birth, formula feed, breast feed, co sleep or not. Whats the difference? Everyone does whats right for them.

Katherine - posted on 12/15/2010

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*****Ok let me rephrase this: Since I sounded like an imbecile with my spelling errors......no personal attacks, that means NO T.H.U.M.P.S Admin warnings WILL be given out.

Amelia: If we decide to lock this thread please do NOT start another.

Bonnie - posted on 12/15/2010

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You had a wonderful experience, good for you. That is what we all want; to have a good experience. That is not the issue. The issue is you are assuming women who deliver vaginally are jealous of those who have had c-sections. I am not jealous of anyone who had c-sections. I just think that is a big assumption for very few women out there who may possibly be envious.

Teresa - posted on 12/15/2010

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Well i had both. My last three births were c-sections. All i cared about was having a healthy baby. This whole conversation and responses are childish. The main reason why i do not log on to Facebook as much is because i was sick of childish people. Please think before you post!! We are on this website to motivate and encourage each other.

Stifler's - posted on 12/15/2010

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All I said in my post is that I do not know anyone who is jealous that someone else had a c-section, considering that they could have had one if they wanted one. I don't care who has an elective c-section or whatever, but don't assume because people don't agree that it's a good thing that they're jealous.

Dana - posted on 12/15/2010

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***Mod Warning***

We're not kidding about keeping it nice. Any attacks and whole posts will be deleted. ~Dana WtCoM moderator

[deleted account]

"would be more modern mums i was wrong"

I think i was one of the nasty people you were referring to and thats fine.
Now your telling me it's modern to have a c-section?
And you wonder why you got such a bad response.
I'm glad you wre happy with your birth but what would be better up in less than 15 minutes or 20 hours?

Krista - posted on 12/15/2010

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Also... I've had both a c-section and a natural birth. I just want to say, that without having experienced both you can't possibly know what someone feels about either. Quite honestly, I think you're talking out of your ass in order to elicit answers of an argumentative nature. Grow up.

Caitlin - posted on 12/15/2010

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Well, considering you OP was pretty nasty anyways. Those "loose down there" comments are firstly untrue and a judgement as well, so if you can give it, be prepared to take it back..

Renae - posted on 12/15/2010

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Tia, so wonderful to hear that from someone in your line of work. I have never had any contact with a doula, but I felt so judged by every midwife I came into contact with, I quickly learned to stop defending myself and just ignore them. So thank you!

I just came back to this conversation to add one more thing.

Amelia - we also need to remember that a lot of women who had c-sections were forced to and really really did not want to, but were given no other choice. In these cases the woman are often quite devastated and feel cheated. So just keep in mind that most people who have c-sections did not do it by choice and this just makes it a bit of a tough subject to broach coming from the point of view of someone who did do it by choice - hope that makes sense. Anyway as I said, check out some of the convo's in the C-Sections community.

Dana - posted on 12/15/2010

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***Mod Forewarning***

Keep this one nice, ladies, seriously.
Thank you ~ Dana ~WtCoM moderator

Tia - posted on 12/15/2010

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I am a doula and I say women are entitled to any have any birth they desire as long as it is healthy for Mom and baby. No one should make you feel judged for choosing how to birth your baby. Enjoy your little one!

User - posted on 12/15/2010

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yes thankyou renae i will i really didnt realise how agressive the coments would be and wont waste my time again i thought there would be more modern mums i was wrong :)

Renae - posted on 12/15/2010

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Next time - post your conversation in the "C-Sections" community were you will find people that agree with you. I would guess that this was a hard way of learning that the majority of mother's do not agree with you, or me, and will argue it to the end. There is no point even getting into it. I could talk research with them all day but in the end they will still have their opinion and I will have mine so personally I just dont go there. I'm glad you had a great experience and have a happy and healthy mum and baby.

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