Can a child have ODD only at home?

Cynthia - posted on 01/06/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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My daughter is only 6 years old but she displays all the criteria of a child suffering from Oppositional Defiance Disorder. My husband suffered from it as a child...I do not know if it is genetic. The only thing that is strange is that she is a perfect angle at school. At home she is a monster! (I do not want to medicate.) I need help and am looking into therapy to help her and also to help me help her. I am wondering though- is it possible to have ODD and not display the characteristics at school?

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User - posted on 03/07/2012

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Reading everyone's post's here, I see my own son, now 10. And things just keep getting worse. Nothing I do works. My husband spanks, which then makes my son blow up even more. I told me the other day he didn't have his spelling words, later found that he hid them from me, he got so upset and started saying, I'm going to kill myself and starts to lightly bang his head into the wall, but making it seem like it was doing it hard. He is worse with my husband, I say that they will never get along, My husb says I don't do enough to discipline him, but I take things away, but that doesn't seem to work.



just tonight, he told my husb he didn't want to go to walmart, then changed his mind and expected dh to come back, and when I wouldn't call, he flow off the wall. started crying, and saying please please come back, because he wanted to look at paintballs. he was hysterical, crying hitting his head, arguing with his dad, yelling, now dh is home, and they are in there talking nicely. I almost think that he is more bipolar.. I am calling tomorrow for another eval, he is on vyvance for his ADHD. I am at the end of my rope. He is not like this at school, just home or out in public with my husb.

Cynthia - posted on 01/06/2010

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I am sad for her too. I have smacker her rear-end and it only escalates the situation. I don't give in anymore. If I can't use time-outs and taking things away or spanking what is left? We Skype with her dad a few times a week. I ask her questions and let her know that she can talk to me about anything. I have her make artwork etc as an outlet and mail it to him. I make sure she gets excersize (sp?) and nutritious foods to minimize meltdowns. She had anger issues before he left though. We used to live in Virgina (we live in Maine now and there isn't a child psychologist within 50 miles!) and saw (at my request) a play therapist at least once a week from age 4-6 (she stopped seeing her right as she turned 6 and we moved). I did this to help me parent well and to correct her extreme anger issues. I am searching for someone who can help us both near here but there are literally more trees than humans in this area. What do you suggest I do to help her that I am not already doing?

Sharon - posted on 01/06/2010

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I'm sorry but this is what "soft" parenting gets.



My GUESS is you & your parents will have to come down on her like a hammer.



and you have to get this under control NOW and not wait until your husband comes home from iraq. Because then she will save her defiance for you. She'll obey him and you'll be the door mat.



have some respect for yourself and start asserting yourself.



What would you do if a co-worker hit you? Nowadays - I'd call the police, get the video and sue them into their next life.



But, once upon a time, I'd have knocked them into next week.



NO, I am not suggesting you beat your child but taking her to the bedroom and applying your hand FIRMLY to her butt and stating "You will not threaten me." will hopefully make the difference.



Maybe you just need to be more consistent but I'm willing to bet its to late for that.



She's angry her dad is gone, angry her life changed, sad her father is gone and she's reacting with anger.



The only safe person to take it out on is you. poor little thing. But I'm a stranger. I'm allowed to feel badly for her. You're her mom and you have to show her the proper way to express those feelings.

Jenna - posted on 03/07/2012

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In time, it's likely that it will actually come into school.

My daughter is also 6, and she has had all the symptoms of ODD (except for revenge-seeking behaviour) since she was 4. It has been uncontrollable for around 18 months at home, and is only just coming out at school now (she's in first term of second year at school).

We are now having her assessed by a psychologist, as per the school's request. I'm kinda glad that she's finally acting out at school, we may actually get the help we need now!

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Sharon - posted on 03/07/2012

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i believe my child has odd doctor in denighal am at my wits end a few weeks ago he kept annoying his younger brother which he des regulllary ,i lost my temper told him to go to his room to calm down then whilst there he put vapour rub every where door handles banister, light switches, over bedding & walls , i screamed at him . hubby did nothing , then the following week he lost his temper again put his fist through the back door smashing the glass , i did not scream as was in shock, hubby did nothing, i told him i am going to get the school to help him but he said if i do thing will get 8 times worse, at my wits end don't know what to do . i am keeping a diary of his behaviour to show the doctor if needed

Ruth - posted on 01/06/2010

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i hope that you can find some one possibly a pediatrician can help you or refer you because i know as a mother who has an ODD child is hard because we have our standards and its hard to change i have 3 older children than brianna (my 12 year old) who are grown and they say that she is just spoiled and needss a good spanking or popped in the mouth but it only makes matters worse and it is frustrating because sometimes i see myself trying to see if there was something i could have done different and i talk to her dr also. you need to find someone that you can talk to for your own well being and hang in there. i know i have cried many a day and night because of this

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You know what, I really think they can! My son is 10 and there have been very few problems with him at school, but home is another story entirely! The thing with ODD is that they CHOOSE the behaviour, so in my sons case, he chooses to be a monster at home and not at school. In saying that, my son does not have ADD which changes things again.

Ruth - posted on 01/06/2010

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i have always been the tough parent and my child does the same behavior i spoke to her psychologist and she sd that some children act up at both school and home and then there are others that for some reason act better at one than the other. the thing about disciplining ODD is that you have to consistently try different things i have tried whipping but she sits there and just looks at me which makes me madder, when she has fits in the care i ignore her and she eeventually calms down, and then we talk about the consequences of ehr actions but the trick is when you see her getting aggravated try to resolve whe she is agg'd in the first place. also find something that really means alot to her and take that away it may work it may not but just don't give up on heryes my child has gotten physical with me also that is why we took the extra step

Ruth - posted on 01/06/2010

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OH MY GOD YES!!!!!!! i am soooo glad to see that someone else is going through this. my daughter is 12 years old was diagnosed with ADD at 6 years of age and ADD/ODD at nine years old. she has no behavioral problems at school as a matter of fact has ALWAYS gotten nothing but E's in conduct at school but at home she is like and day!!! i tried to not medicate but the older she got the more defiant and agressive she gets she goes to therapy twice a month and takes Straterra. it makes so much difference she is more tolerable and more willing to cooperate. i HAD to medicate because i had tried everything other kind of discipline and for my sanity and well being i had to do something but research other ways before you make that decision im just saying for my child it helps

Cynthia - posted on 01/06/2010

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I am guessing no as well. It doesn't make sense to me that she could have these issues in one place and not another because that would mean she has the ability to control the behavior. She is an only child and her father has been in Iraq for 5 months now (7 more to go). I have been the "soft" parent and he has been the tougher one all along. We are living with my parents while my husband is deployed. My mother has her master's degree in elementary teaching and just retired after 40 years of teaching 5ht graders. She has never seen anything like the extreme behavior my child has been displaying. My stepfather raised 3 children and works at the school district as the technology coordinator. He has never seen behavior like this either. Yesterday she told me that she was going to stab me and went to grab a butter knife and then reconsidered. She did this because I refused to give her medicine for her nose because it had not been long enough between doses. I put her in time out and she throws things at me and tells me how she hates me and wishes I was dead and gets up. I take things away and she gets chairs and retrieves them (toys). I sit her back in time out and take things away again and again and again. I have resorted to physically restraining her but I am getting to the point where I cannot as she is 80lbs and all muscle. I tell her that it is her choice: we can have fun (playground, games, play, paint etc) or she can choose to be disrespectful, hit, kick, scratch (the scariest is when she has a meltdown while I am driving). Why would she choose to be miserable? I don't understand. Anyway, thank you for your help. :o(

Sharon - posted on 01/06/2010

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I would say no.



It would be tantemount to situational tourrettes or situational bipolar disorder.



To the best of my knowledge those conditions do not exist "situationally". you either have it or you don't.



Sounds like she is most likely over indulged at home. But that is with the limited information from here.

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