Amie - posted on 06/21/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )
OK so long story short: I was with my daughters father for 6 yrs where he bashed me but threatened me (with SICK threats) not to tell or report him. When i fell pregnant he wanted me to abort but because i wouldnt he tried to make me miscarry by bashing and to the point of trying to hit me with his car. The pregnancy gave me a new inner strength and i used it my my (nd my unborn childs) advantage.i waited for the right moment and whalla discovered he was cheating so at 15 weeks pregnant, I ended it (knowing since he had a distraction, it would be easier which worked perfectly). He wanted nothing to do with the baby. I did my research and because his father worked in centerlink, my only option was to have him on the birth certificate (yep i still regret it). He wanted to see the baby when she was 3 months old. I met him at a public cafe with my brother. He assulted the baby 3 times and threatened to basically kill her as pay back if i "made things difficult and didnt obey him. I went to the police, had him charged and arrested and got restraining orders for myself and my daughter. OF course he denied it even though i had statements made by myself and my brother who witnessed it all, it was still not enough proof. So i got a lawyer and took him to court for custody which i was granted and he was given the minimum of 6 supervised 1 hr visits once a fortnight. These visits did not go well. From what the reports explained, my daughter screamed as soon as she saw him and he did not succeed in settling her at all but very easily handed her back to staff. Each visit lasted no longer then 15 minutes. I had extreme traumatised behaviour with my daughter after these visits with her father. I tried my hardest to supposrt her and even gotprofessional advise and help on assisting and reassuring her. After each visit, the effects got worse. The visits were once a fortnight and the effects lasted up to 5 days then she went back to normal. I had her in other care settings without me there and not a problem, she was ONLY affected fro seeing him. I kept a journal of these behaviour changes and gave it to my lawyer in the hope that they would strongly be considered as it was to my belief this was all supposed to be whats in the best interest of the child. We went to mediation and despite the affects on my 13 month old daughter, the coordinator of the visits suggested that "based on a psychologists opinion" a child of this age no matter the individual situation should be seeing the father once a week for no less then an hour. This was based on the most likely outcome the magistrate (who has no children and is pro fathers) would make. So now my poor baby has to go thru visits more often and im so scared she will be even more traimatised and this could have long term affects.. I have made many phone calls and have arranged appointments with aa child psychologist, social workers and all to support us but im so scared for my daughter. of course i dont talk about it around her, she is atm asleep. i always make sure before and after a visit i keep my mood, my approach, my routines exactly the same but its obviously nothing i am doing but to the courts, lawyers etc it makes no difference. My daughter wasnt even considered in this outcome, despite my tireless efforts to have it recognised :( I dont know what to do, there is nothing i can really do, or is there?????????.