Can anyone help me???

Nikki Nicole - posted on 10/20/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have a 11 year old daughter that seems as if she doesn't care about anything or anybody. She completely ignores me and refuses to do as I ask. The only chore she has is to do good in school and keep her room clean. She has passing grades but her room, well, thats a different story. She will spend days up there just sitting around instead of cleaning. I'm lost as far as what to do about it. She lies to my face about some of the simplest things. I've tried grounding and took everything away but she does't seem to mind. Can anyone help me understand what is going on with her? She doesn't talk to me about anything. Its like she gets embarrassed and just says "I don't know". What can I do? She has became so mean and hateful towards her brothers and they love her to pieces. She started her period about 4 months ago. I had the talk with her and showed her everything but she will not tell me when she starts. Instead she bleeds all over herself and hides her pants and panties. I've tried to explain that I can't help her if she doesn't tell me. She knows there are pads in both bathrooms in case she needs them. I've even told her she doesn't have to tell me as long as she uses the pads and brings me the dirty clothes so I can get them clean before it stains. And yet, she still refuses to do so. I'm at my end, what can I do?

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Nikki Nicole - posted on 10/20/2012

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She's a very clean person. Takes baths everyday and brushes her teeth twice a day without asking. She is great with younger children. Ive spoke with her pediatrician and she said that maybe her period wasn't regular but I believe it is. She has a huge heart she just hides all of her emotions. I am very concerned. She is very helpful child as long as its something she wants to do. She's been thru alot and is still going thru alot. Between her real father, grandmother, step-mother, and half-brother(which belongs to her father and step-mother), they treat her very unfairly. They play her and her little brother against one another and treats their child like a saint. He is a very abusive man, physical and verbal. It was last summer that they played them against one another. The summer before that he abused both of our kids and treated them the same. He hasn't been in their life until 3 years ago when he got with his new wife. The kids are now 11 and 9 years old. When I left their father my youngest wasn't even 6 months old. Im trying to save up enough money to get a lawyer to stop them from having to go but im scared they will counter sue me for full custody. A lawyer told me that was most likely what they would do. Im a single mom that works all the time just to make sure they are taken care of. Their dad doesn't work at all but his wife makes really good and yet he doesn't pay a cent to help take care of them. They have only bought one pair of shoes in the last 9 years for them. There is still so much more that is left unspoken about him. I am trying to get her in counselling but i am worried that it could cause the situation to be worse. He didn't even allow me to speak to them last summer. My concerns are the children. I left him so they wouldn't have to grow up into that type of lifestyle but now they are stuck with it with out any protection. His mother is on his side and is very two-faced when it comes to me. Of course I understand that is her son but the kids are her grand-babies. She knows and has admitted that they are in danger while they are with him. He calls it punishment I call it cruel and abusive. Lets just say mine and his kids can only have water while his new kid gets snacks and soda right in front of my kids. My kids babysit his other son and they get in trouble if the kid cries while he is watching tv or playing his video games. He wants me to tell my babies that he has colon cancer and is dying but when really he doesn't have it at all. He is all about the sympathies. so on and so on. I am going to tell the whole story on here one day but in the mean time im trying to get her in to see someone that can help me with her.

Anaquita - posted on 10/20/2012

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The lack of taking care of her period in a proper hygienic way is very concerning. The only other girl I've heard of who has that issue is on the autism spectrum. Some of the bad attitude can be attributed to the PMS hormones, but not quite to that degree. I'd say consult a professional psychiatrist at this point.

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