can being too affectionate with boys change who they r?

Kira - posted on 02/15/2010 ( 16 moms have responded )




i pamper my boys, dance to music with them kiss them constantly. Anytime they get a boo-boo I have to kiss it to make it better. i sing to them im very affectionate. Well their father thinks that is why his 6 yr is failing P.E! He just doesn't like sports heed rather help a baby lizard find his mommy....should i stop? I don't care i don't think i possibly could, but please tell me that dad is just tweaking?


Kelly - posted on 02/15/2010




Don't worry about it-I was the same way with my boys (as well as with my girls)-I couldn't stop kissing them and loving on them. They played all kinds of sports when little, but were never extremely aggressive. They just liked to play. Now, in high school, one is a very successful runner (second in State last fall!) and the other is an excellent soccer player. But if they didn't like sports at all, I wouldn't push it. As others said, not every kid is going to be into the same things. However, I would try to find out what is going on at school, because a 6 year old should not be "failing" PE. It is not even possible to fail PE in elementary school where we live, they don't actually get graded on it, just their behavior is noted. So if he hates PE so bad that he refuses to participate at all, or something like that, I would try to get to the bottom of it. Good luck, and keep loving those kids, they grow up way too fast!


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Becky - posted on 02/20/2010




Okay, I have to say, men are weird about things like that! Not all, of course, but a lot of them are! I don't understand why it is okay for little girls to wear pants and t-shirts, climb trees, play with trucks, be all rough and tumble and no one thinks that's odd. But if a little boy shows the slightest sign of sensitivity, likes Dora the Explorer or owns something with pink in it, or, heaven forbid, isn't going to grow up to be a professional athlete, daddy freaks out. (sorry, my husband and I have some issues with this, can you tell?!) My son likes to wear beads and my husband doesn't like that. I'm like, get over it, he's 2!!!!

Okay, so now that my little rant is over, I agree with everyone else who says that you cannot be too loving and affectionate with your little boys and you are not harming them in any way at all! You are raising boys who are secure and confident that they are loved for who they are. It will make them wonderful, loving husbands and fathers. Keep it up!

Kelly - posted on 02/20/2010




Another thought on this issue, as I said earlier, I was always very affectionate with my boys and now as teenagers and big brothers, they are very affectionate and loving with their little sisters. Everyone says what good fathers they will make someday because they are so loving. I hope everything is going well for your family!

Angela - posted on 02/20/2010




Yes it does... feeling loved and secure increases a boys self esteem and makes him less likely to be violent... been proven by studies. Forcing a 6 year old to mold to a preconcieved idea of manhood has been shown to actually harm them. It forces them to shut down and can actually cause ALOt of behavioral problems later in life. My father bullied my mother into stop making HIS son a "mama's boy" It hurt my brother sooooo much. He felt abandoned by his source of comfort and love. Is that what makes a man? Out of all us my brother had the most trouble in life. If a 6 year is failing gym then that is a school issue and needs to be treated like one. If a boy struggles in reading or math no one asks if he less of a boy. I would work with the school on ways to make PE more fun and more adaptable to your son. Lifelong excercise is important but that can be done through walking. Good luck and keep loving and nuturing your son with all of your heart. I thank you in advance for raising a caring man.

Julie - posted on 02/20/2010




my husband always said i was too soft with my son. he said he would turn inot a mamby pamby mammies boy. well news flash. my affectionate son at 8 years old told me he was too big to be kissed and cuddled at the school gate. he is now 21 a very confident outgoing young man with impeccable manners (well outside the house) and does not fault the way i brought him up. he doesnt feel embaressed now when i cuddle him in front of his friends either. they pick their own time when to stop being the baby and let you know when they want to be an independant little boy. you cuddle him as long as he will let you and enjoy every moment because they grow up soon enough.

Lynn - posted on 02/20/2010




My little brother has always been very affectionate, some would consider wimpy or sensative. He recently graduated from Marine Corps bootcamp earning himself one of the most pretigeous and "manly" title of United States Marine. He was never athletic, but has found the challenege of the tough training a rewarding accomplishment and finds satisfaction in knowing he has pushed his mind and body further that anyone ever thought. I think my mother's contant affection, love, hugs, and kisses helped him become the driven, self-confident, level headed, mature Marine he is.

Elaine - posted on 02/18/2010




Here;s my opinion and how I raised two wonderful affectionate and so I hear, romantic sons! If a child gets enough love and respect at home, he/she will not have to look for it outside the home until they are ready to marry and settle down to a family of their own.
I rocked my first child to sleep at nap and night until he was 4 yrs old and I was too pg to hold him. Did it hurt him--NO! I held my children in my in church to help them stay quiet. When my youngest was 7yrs old, my neighbor of 80 yrs admonished me because he was TOO OLD to be sitting in his mother's lap. Well, I said I hope he never
feels he is too old to cuddle with me if he feels he needs to. He is now 31 and a newlywed (1st time) and we are still very very close. My oldest, the one I rocked so much, he is 17 days from coming home from his 2nd tour in Iraq. He has been a soldier for 17yrs (mostly reserve), a firefighter, an EMT and a Corrections Officer during
his career life. He is the best father I have ever known and is very much involved with all
aspects of the childrens life other than living with them as he is divorced and remarried.
Does loving too much ruin them......NO it makes them better. There isn't anything my boys won't do for dad and I. They sacrifice their time and finances to help us anytime we need them. They were never rebelious as teenagers, never got into major trouble and never fought with each other. OH they didnt play sports either. The oldest I felt was not big boned enough for the rough stuff and the youngest seemed to brake a bone just walking!! skiing, running, etc so no rough stuff allowed. My oldest son's 2nd wife calls me up and thanks me for raising such a LOVING MAN! I don't know, maybe her way of endearing herself to me??? Well, it worked!

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There should be NO difference in how boys and girls are treated. Why would a boy become "wimpy" or a "cry baby" just because he's affectionate?
If all our kids had lots of affection the world might be a better place!

Shearon - posted on 02/15/2010




i think theresa is quite right. it is good to be affectionate with boys but not to the point where tthey become 'cry babies'

Theresa - posted on 02/15/2010




I don't think you can be too over affectionate with boys. They need hugs and kisses too. But maybe you could start with the boo-boos. If it's not very bad you could say "Oh I don't think that hurt,look there's not even a red spot." Though I think it is good to be affectionate with boys you don't want them to get teased for being whimpy either. As far as the athletics, some kids just aren't into that. My boys are the same way. They have no competetive"killer"instinct. I'm OK with that. My husband works a lot so only gets a couple hours in the eves to spend with the kids. I'm kind of mam and dad half the time. I give lots of cuddles and hugs, but I also wrestle and rough house with them. I do the same things with my daughter.

Jen - posted on 02/15/2010




some boys aint just rough n tumble some can be very gentle like my little man. he will dance to music he always wants me he always gets cuddles. i think ur sons dad is like a few others who think boys should be rough n hard.

Cristy - posted on 02/15/2010




You're doing the right thing, having a child with great self esteem because there mum gives them lots of positive attention is far more important than having an atheletic child. Besides that fact, giving your child lots of love doesn't affect there coordination and and desire to play sport.

Karen - posted on 02/15/2010




all it will do is add an element of compassion for others to your sons personality that may not be as apparent if he isn't "pampered" by you. i know i cuddle and kiss my son every chance i get and have no intention of stopping! some kids are good at sports and some aren't....that's just life :)

Michelle - posted on 02/15/2010




i think like every dad they want there son to be into sports but realistically that doesnt happen and no matter how you treat your child if they are not sporty then they just arent sporty. His dad should take him to different things like boxing etc cos maybe your son just isnt interested in the school pe sports. Dont stop showing affection to yourson cos there will come a day when he thinks hes too old for it, so enjoy his childhood and show him all the affection a child his age needs :)

Medic - posted on 02/15/2010




Ummm no. Your kids will be who they are no matter what...both of my brothers were treated the same way by our mom and one is a musician and one is a very athletic soldier in the Air Force. So maybe your son just isn't into sports. I treat my son the same way and he is all boy...loving your kids will not make them any less boy..your husband apparently is just insecure.

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