Can I be just as good of a mom to baby #2?

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 05/23/2013 ( 110 moms have responded )

581

0

54

Hi ladies, I am currently 20 weeks pregnant with my second child. I have a 16 month old daughter who is the center of my universe. I'm nervous that I will not be able to give everything to my second child that I did for my first. I spent every once of energy on my daughter and I am so glad I did bc she is an amazingly smart and loving little girl. I get told how special she is by strangers and I know part of her personality is bc I spent so much time with her. I am now nervous that I will not be able to give my next child the same attention since my daughter will only be 20 months old when the new baby comes. Did anyone else worry about this? It makes me feel almost guilty at the idea I won't be able to bond with the new baby as much bc I have other priorities this time around.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

Being a mother of 4 gorgeous children. I can speak from experience. I felt the same when I was pregnant for the second time. I used to spend so much time with my first child that he was my all. But guess what? I fell pregnant with twins and came quickly to realise that my time must be shared. I started to adapt to time sharing when I was pregnant cause the first trimester was horrible and all I did was rest. I asked a friend how am I going to love another two babies and share my time, I have so much love (for my first child) how will I do the same for another two babies? She answered, you will have more love to give cause love is unconditional and has no boundaries, you just might spread it differently. And that it was. At the time I had three children under 13 and half months it was hectic at the early stages but also amazing. We went on to have baby number 4 later of course. As far as I am concerned we are the most blessed parents on earth!
Just enjoy and take it one day at a time and all will fall into place.

Katheryn - posted on 05/27/2013

7

7

0

I totally went through that. Totally. I wanted an only child, and I wanted to spoil her as much as I could, and my second came 17 months after the first. But you know what? I would change a thing in a million years. They are best friends, practically inseparable, and my oldest doesn't even remember being an only child. And you don't have a limited amount of love to give. You will be amazed at how much it doubles and grows! Oh, and I thought I would never have the energy for two, and I wondered how people did that too, but honestly, 2 is easier than 1. They occupy each other.

Glenda - posted on 05/29/2013

44

19

4

i used to wonder if I could love a 2nd child as much as my first because I loved him soooooo very much, I didnt think it was possible, ( 2 boys, 18 and 11 ) .... but it is possible, and it is also possible to feel overwhelmed, especially right now, being pregnant can really wear you out. You will be fine, and I think multitasking will be your new best friend. YOu will be able to take care of many things at the same time, and surprise yourself. Its ok to doubt or wonder, but just know that as a woman, you are an amazing creature, and you are capable of doing so much more than you realize, and a lot of it will be on "auto-pilot" its just natural. Good luck and congrats. glenda

Alicia - posted on 05/28/2013

12

4

2

I had the same feeling when I was pregnant with my second child. My oldest was also only 20 months old when my second son was born. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to divide my time between the new baby and my older son. One of my friends, who had two children at the time, said it is easier than you think - and it was. Involve your daughter in easy tasks to help you with the baby - getting a diaper, throwing the dirty diaper away or any other small thing she can do to help. When the baby is napping, set aside some of that time to be one on one with your daughter. She will adapt to the new changes in her environment, will be happier to be included and feel special that you have set special Mommy and Me time aside just for her. You will bond with your baby as well. Maybe not in the same way. but it will feel just as natural as the first time. :) Blessings!

Jennifer - posted on 05/27/2013

47

6

1

You'll be able to bond just fine. I felt that way. I had a scheduled c-section for my second child and even walking into the operating room, I wondered how I was going to love another child the way I did my first. The moment I heard her cry, it just came! It can't be explained but she's as much a part of me as my first. Our relationship is only different in that her personality is different from her sister's so situations have to be handled differently and I spend time with them according to their own interests. I promise, you'll do great!

110 Comments

View replies by

Annika - posted on 06/20/2013

1

0

0

For the first couple months you are going to have to pay a lot of attention to your new born but you just have to balance it.When the baby is asleep you can watch movies with the bigger one,rock her,sing for her and always remind her how much u loves her. Dont worry about that just ensure within yourself u are going to give them both a fair treatment

Pamela - posted on 06/10/2013

711

9

6

Relax and let nature take it's course. Just be sure to set aside time for the oldest child to do something for just the two of you so she won't think that she has let you down in any way as a result of the extra time you will spend caring for the new baby. Say, a book read at bedtime each night or 1/2 hour when Mom just plays with and listens to the older child alone!
Do the same for your spouse.....set aside just "your time together". Family is very important and best when the energies are flowing smoothly together!

Janessa - posted on 06/04/2013

289

10

0

Yes you're ability to love will only increase though. I have 4 and 1 on the way, the trick is lots and lots of prayer to know when each one individually needs you, parent child dates, and not doing anything for your children they can do for themselves. There are definite advantages to having more than one, it forces you to allow them more independence which they need, you just have to know when they really really need you, praying helps, and tapping into your mother's instincts. My husband and I take turns taking one of the children out while the other one stays with the other kids to give them one on one, and every now and then when I can sense a child needs me to sit down and talk with them and only them I take that time to do it. With the new baby I always have nursing time. My kiddos know that during that time, they must be patient until I am done. They can sit with us, but I can't take care of anything else during that time. I also would let the new baby in my bed with me in the morning before the other kids woke up, and we would sleep together then. It was the only time I would allow co-sleeping, the rest of the night the baby would be in the cradle, but I guess what I am saying is you just make time in whatever way it works for you. It can be done. Don't feel guilty, each child is different and needs different things. Perhaps this baby won't need as much time with you as your first did. Different personalities have different needs. Anyways, hope this helps.

[deleted account]

Hi I am so happy that I could be helpful, encouraging and nice. Oh, and CONGRATULATIONS in advance. All will be great! Enjoy every moment cause it goes so fast.

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 06/01/2013

581

0

54

I am not playing favorites at all. I don't question the love I will feel for my new child, but the amount of time I will have to show and express the love I feel. I enjoyed showering my daughter with attention and it reflects in her personality, and I Just was concerned that I wouldn't be able to do the same with a second child. I've learned through all these responses that moms find the extra energy and the love they feel for their kids helps them accomplish things that seem impossible. I already love my unborn baby and that's why I was concerned in the first place

Laura - posted on 05/31/2013

20

20

0

I think everyone has similar concerns to this during their 2nd pregnancy. Don't worry, your experience with your 2nd child will be different from that with your first but it will be just as special and fulfilling for both of you. Baby number 2 will not only have you and your partner's love and attention but will also have an amazing big sister to love and learn from. Watching your 2 children interact and bond is a truly amazing experience. I have a 4 year old daughter and a 9 month old son and was really worried throughout my pregnancy that I wouldn't love him as much as my daughter or that my love for him would in some way change my relationship with my daughter but as soon as he arrived, all those worries melted away. Also, I am the younger of 2 children and can say with hand on heart that I have always had a fantastic relationship with my mother and do not remember ever feeling a lack of love or attention in my childhood. It's obvious from how you speak of your daughter that you are a fantastic mother and the fact that you are concerned about this means that you will be a fantastic mother to your new baby too. Good luck!

Melissa - posted on 05/31/2013

98

10

7

Best advice I ever got was when both children need you address the toddler quickly and then the infant because the toddler will remember. The best thing to do is to prepare the older sibling. My son was 2 when I had his sister. He had been talking clearly 6 months before so we were able to discuss how he'd be having a baby sister and things went smoothly. His sister had colic and acid reflux and refused bottles. Our first 6 months were rough but whenever I nursed I made sure he had his snacks and sippy and told him I'd have to feed his sister for awhile. She slipped right into our lives and routines smoothly and we can't imagine life without her. My son only had one major meltdown of jealously but nothing since. Now they are both happy independent children but love each others company. The three of us are inseparable and now at 6 and 4 they still prefer to do things together as opposed to doing things apart. I think the only problem now is they are growing and I'm such a little lady I'm running out of lap room since they both still like to sit on me. ;). It'll be fine as long as you make it okay for you and your toddler. She'll follow your lead.

Daniell - posted on 05/31/2013

41

7

0

First - nice name (mine is Daniell Elizabeth) Second - you will be amazed how easy it is to love the second child. You think now that your heart is full, but once you see him/her it will all change. I have 2 kids and wondered the same thing when I was pregnant with the second. Now speaking from experience, things will have to be different. Neither one of your children will always be "first". Your daughter may have to wait for a snack b/c you are busy feeding/changing the baby. They baby may have to wait to be picked up b/c you are busy tying your daughters shoes. Not spending every ounce of energy on a child doesn't mean you don't love them, it just means that there is one of you and two of them. As long as you love them both, they will be wonderful, well-adjusted children

Heather - posted on 05/31/2013

30

1

2

Really?? As a parent of more than one child I can honestly tell you that there is plenty of love to go around..whether you have 2 children or 10 children. You should be concerned with how this new baby will be treated when he or she arrives. You are already playing favorites..which is NOT appropriate! Your 1st child can pick up on your feelings..which will cause tension between them. You really need to get some help before the new baby comes..for you and your 1st child so you are both ready and able to accept this new blessing.

Katheryn - posted on 05/31/2013

1

23

0

I felt the exact same way! So worried I didn't have enough love to stretch to both of them. It happens so naturally that you will wonder how you ever worried. I hAd people tell me not to feel guilty, that doesn't work so I won't say that.. Instead start now getting your daughter use to you getting her started on coloring or an activity she does on her own and when baby 2 comes, use those moments for clear mommy- baby2 bonding. You will have days they demand your attention at the same time... But you'll learn ways to adapt. I'm not sure how your daughter is, but if you start now getting her use doing small tasks during her day alone, such as watching Mickey Mouse for a half hour, or playing with a special toy you only bring out for those moments you can't do 2 things at once. She won't feel excluded when you give the baby the attention..

Alyanna Rose - posted on 05/30/2013

6

0

0

your to young to have 2 children. but be good to them! you'll be great!!!!!!!

Virginia - posted on 05/30/2013

2

5

0

Hi, as a mom I know how it feels. I often wondered the same thing. In my experience my first and second are four years apart. the first being girl, I spent a substantial amount of time with her. I felt good bc I did and when she started daycare and pre k I had no regrets. However I did feltl very anxious about balanlcing my motherly act when I became pregnant with my last boy, since they were just two years apart. because they require so much time and attention than older kids.
my advice to you is first, plan to get support from friends and family, but don't substitute your mommy time with your 20 mo old. Second, don't overload on activities keep it simple. and third plan ahead. But the most important advice is take time for yourself. :)

Linda - posted on 05/30/2013

49

4

4

You won't be able to give the "same" to your second. It's impossible. You are different; they are different and it's ok. My first son was talking at 11 months. My second not until at least 16 months. But he didn't get the same intense one on one vocabulary building time. He was listening to full sentences and conversations. But he's just as smart. And when he did start talking, it was much more detailed. His talents shine through a little differently than my first: His sense of humor and comedic timing are impeccable. He's a mellow kid; sweet and sensitive, too.

I guess my advice is to not beat yourself up for it, but be sure to step back and stay aware of each child's talents and strong points. It's hard to commend the second child for doing all those firsts that you've seen already from baby #1... and maybe it's a good thing. All kids figure this stuff out and it's often nothing to get all worked up about... maybe it makes them stronger to not being overly coddled. Love each kid the way they need to be loved.... loving "the same" is not equal. It's not "less". Just different.

Plus-- second child gets you after the steep learning curve of figuring out all that newborn stuff and what parenting is all about. What's really important and what's not, and the calmness of your self-security will come through for the second one.

Candace - posted on 05/30/2013

24

0

3

I felt the same way as you do. My 11 year old had been the center of my universe from the moment I found out I was pregnant. She did not leave my side until she was 2 years old, which was the first time she stayed with grandma, while daddy and I went to a movie. Even then I could not keep my mind off of her. She was such an angel baby and so loved, people would tell me that she had such a happy personality and I know it was because of how much time I spent with her. I had a C-section when she was born and when I found out I was pregnant with my son, I was so worried, because I knew with another C-section in the works, I would have to leave my daughter for 3 days while I was in the hospital. I spent my entire pregnancy worrying about that day. When daddy brought her to the hospital, the day after little brother was born, she looked horrified when she saw me holding him and wanted nothing to do with me. The day I came home from the hospital, I was not able to take my daughter upstairs to say goodnight to her (it still makes me tear up). Remembering now looking up at her and seeing the tears in her eyes. I knew she felt like I had abandoned her. I tried desperately to continue the same way with everything in her life, as it was before little brother came home, but it was difficult. I wish I had made more mommy/daughter playdates, but it was hard to leave my new son, so it was always the three of us going to parks, playdates and such. I tried to include her with the activities with the new baby, but she was just not interested. She still has no interest in babies, while my son adores them, so it may just be her personality. I have always put my kids ahead of my career or anything else. Being a SAHM, it makes it easier to keep them happy, you think, but sometimes there is just nothing you can do. If you have more children, there must be adjustment in the family be it good or bad. Some kids adjust and some just never do. I have a friend that hated her little brother until they were out of high school. She wanted all of her parents attention ALL the time. When they brought her brother home the first time, she remembers saying, "take him back...we have enough kids at this home." She loves him now, but it was hard growing up with him, always resenting his existence.
My advice to you is if you are able to, make sure you spend lots of time with just your you and daughter alone. If she becomes resentful, make sure she has lots of ME time with both parents, so it does not turn out to be the babies fault that "no one spends time with me." If she ends up being the opposite and loves the new kiddo and wants to be involved with everything, just let her.
As far as bonding, I believe that it is an "individual" thing. You either do or you don't. I thought the exact same thing with my son, but as soon as I saw him the bond was there and it already had a firm grip on my heart. I would not worry so much about whether you will give your new baby the attention that the first one got, I believe that you already have that engrained in you, and will do it instinctually. I would watch closely how much attention you take away from your daughter. I bet you will do great! Good Luck!

Monika - posted on 05/30/2013

33

0

0

It's really sad to hear it, but the chances of it happening are small. Also, in my case, I felt for the longest time that my mother preferred my disabled sister to me when now, looking back and trying to be objective, I found that I was wrong, I was simply jealous of sharing my mom's love, not always, but had bouts of it.
I'm not saying it's so in your case,it seems your mom did a lot of mistakes, as a parent I'd advise anyone to take a few minutes a day to see if you gave the same kind of attention to all your children, and even if you feel stronger towards one, never let yourself show it. I'm speaking as a stepmother, I try very hard to love him and he is a wonderful boy and we love eahother a lot now, I even insisted that my husband puts him in the will, while I could've not said anything etc, but I still remember the first year of him (5 years old at that time) constantly abusing me physically and verbally, I try to wipe it from my memory and treat both him and my baby girl equally and even with a very gassy baby I spend time doing crafts with him.

Amidy - posted on 05/30/2013

16

0

0

I felt the same as you are now when I was going to have my daughter. My son was only 17 months when she was born. He was my entire world. Everyone told me it would be fine and I would love them both equally. And I did, but after the first few days exhaustion got to me. My daughter wouldn't sleep unless I held her and only for about 20 minutes at a time. Honestly I began to resent her for taking up all my time. I couldn't spend any time with my son and I missed him terribly. I know it sounds awful but it's the truth. My son was such a trooper though and I think that's because he was secure in knowing that I loved him. I believe that is because I spent so much time with him before she was born. We also included him in everything that had to do with the baby. We got him big brother books and a shirt that we let him paint and wrote big brother on it. I also started giving him activities to do on his own to get him used to entertaining himself.

Anyway, I found out later that I had postpartum depression and that was the cause of my bad feelings. I got it sorted out, my daughter got less clingy and fussy, and the two of them became inseparable. They are now 14 and 13 and still hang out together. My point is it's okay if at first you don't feel the way everyone says you're going to. Sometimes it takes a little while to get used to your new family. Just be aware of the signs of depression, it can happen to anyone. Talk to your doc at your six week check up (or earlier) if things don't feel right.

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 05/30/2013

581

0

54

Monika, Im so sorry to hear your desire for another child and thankful for your kind words. I really hope you can find a way to have another child. Did you look into any programs that are willing to help with child care or try to find an in home daycare( they tend to be cheaper where I live). I'm a stay at home mom , and 2 days a week I help watch a friends child since she can not afford daycare and I'd do the same for you if we knew each other lol . It makes me sad to think a mom has to sacrifice having children bc of daycare expenses and I really hope God sends you the means!! Take care

Monika - posted on 05/29/2013

33

0

0

You will be great, you're stressing already about being the best mom possible. I wish I had a second baby too but we won't be able to afford daycare for a third child ( I have a stepson too), I'm upset but what can I do, my husband is a great person.

Sue - posted on 05/29/2013

12

0

2

I am so agreeable with your post Melissa Macy I have 5 adult children born between 1970 and 1980 and 12 grandchildren, we have been fostering children for 12yrs and last December took on three brothers 12, 8 & 6 yrs. who have been in fostercare with us for 6 1/2 yrs. and are now permanent , there is always plenty of love to go around but discipline is an essential ingredient when raising children teaching them to share and be an equal , No Favourites.

Sherri - posted on 05/29/2013

2

0

0

Of course, doesn't everyone! Don't worry. Love is like a huge rubber band that never breaks, it stretches to fit your family. Will your new baby have the same experience? Impossible, but that doesn't mean a lesser or worse experience! Your new baby will not only get your attention, but the attention of a big sister, who will love and teach him/her. Your daughter will benefit, because she will learn to share and to solve conflicts with others.

Angelica - posted on 05/29/2013

20

0

2

Hi Danielle,

Indeed I think its perfectly normal and I worried about the same thing. My son, Daniel is just amazing. He was an amazing baby and we really connected. I stayed home with him and we had schedules, play dates, we read, we did everything. It was important for my husband and I to have a second baby. We didn't want Daniel growing up alone, so when he turned two, I got pregnant. We did the babymoon but with Daniel and for that I am truly grateful. The three of us zipped off to Beaches in Jamaica. That's the Sesame Street resort and Daniel absolutely loved it. Up to that point, each time my husband and I tried to explain to him that he would become a big brother, he would walk away and not acknowledge the topic. The trip was a turning point, because he began talking to his brother and realized that soon it would be the four of us.

When Gabriel was born it was very difficult for me. The feedings, my tiredness and Daniel just wanted his mommy and things to go back how they were. It was hard because up until the day before Gabriel was born, Daniel was the centre of my universe and then the baby arrived. It is hard at the beginning but for me the most important thing was to rest so that I could offer both kids the best of me. It was difficult but we got full time help around the house. We hired a girl from university and she was great with Daniel. They went to the park, painted and drew and basically spent a lot of time together doing fun things. I would participate between feedings and Daniel was happy.

Gabriel is now 7 months, Daniel absolutely loves his brother but at times he wants mommy all to himself and that is normal. Now that I've stopped breastfeeding, sometimes my husband puts Daniel to bed, sometimes I do. I know he's grateful for the time we spend together. About once a month, Daniel and I go out and spend some much needed mommy time. We go for breakfast and then we go get a book or we go for a drive or to the park. We get back home a few hours later and I can just see how happy he is. He tells his dad about everything we did! Perhaps this is something that can work for you? We also try very hard to explain everything to him. I told him recently when he was having a bad day, that he was our son, he was our first born and that no one would ever change that. That his mom and dad loved him and his brother very much. I honestly believe he understands.

Accept help, especially at the beginning and try to incorporate time with your daughter in your day right from the beginning. She will love you for it! Good luck!

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 05/29/2013

581

0

54

Karen, I'm that's exactly the things I worry about! I spent so much time holding and snuggling my daughter and it shows! She is soooo affectionate !! She hugs me and puts her face on mine and says "awww". She speaks over 75 words and you can just tell she knows she's loved and feels content!! Im glad to know many moms felt this way and they found out that you just dig a littler deeper to be able to give your all to multiple children

Kkrjrpleggett - posted on 05/29/2013

236

33

3

I am glad to see that I am not the only one worried about this! I am 33 wks, My son will 26 months when his sister is born. I feel Exactly the same way you do! I have devoted myself to my son. He is super smart, already counting to 5 with number recognition and learning a few letters of the alphabet. I am so worried that I will not be able to divide my time between them so they Both get what they Deserve from me!

Debra - posted on 05/29/2013

4

6

0

Yes you can be a great mom to multiple children. Your heart just grows with each child and you get more creative meeting multiple needs. Each child is an individual and you will marvel at how wonderful each one is. Congratulations!

Blessings - posted on 05/29/2013

4

0

0

OH YES YOU WILL I FELT THE SAME WAY TOO ,I HAD THE SAME FEELIG TOO BEFORE I HAD MY SECOND DAUGHTER WHO WAS BORN WHEN THE FIRST ONE WAS 17 MONTHS OLD BELIEVE ME IT COMES NATURAL LIKE A MOTHERS LOVE.

BLESSINGS

Andrea - posted on 05/29/2013

28

0

0

All you can do is give equal amounts of love and attention. My younger sister is two years younger than me and she was always favored by our entire family. My son is 5 right now and will 6 six when I have my little girl. He was also my world and I devoted everything towards him and his happiness. He is my joy, I worry about the same thing because he is older I worry that since it was just him for so long he will become jealous. Just keep your head up and never favor one child over the other. Every child regardless of age, gender, etc is a blessing and they should all be treated equally as blessings. Good Luck ♥

Bella - posted on 05/29/2013

5

0

0

I am the older one of 2 sisters. Honestly, I think that probably, my mom thought exactly what you are thinking right now... and ended up loving my younger sister far more than she loved me. This is not the typical my doll - your doll kind of thing. No matter what the situation, my parents always told me that I was the older one and that I had to look after the younger one, simply because she was the younger one; which meant giving her the larger share of dessert, more chocolates, sharing my presents with her, but “letting it go” if she did not share hers with me, not going to play if she was not well, playing with her if she did not want to go out to play, always backing her up in a group (even if she was wrong), etc. (we are 6 years apart). It led to huge fights (fist fights between my sister and I), constant yelling in the house, my parents 'taking sides', my dad beating one of the two of us; as I was physically weaker, my sister thought that she always got the harsher beatings of the two of us. My mom would just sit there and allow dad to beat the crap out of us... with fists, kicks, belts, sticks, an occasional wet towel, etc. We have a dysfunctional family and I do blame it in part on my sister.

Jen - posted on 05/29/2013

11

5

0

It takes 9 months for a baby to come so your heart has time to grow a new spot=) You will love the new baby exactly as much with a completely different love. You will not have the time, or beginners energy that you did with baby number 1 but they will be just fine maybe even better with a little less mom interaction =)

Allyson - posted on 05/29/2013

21

22

1

Danielle,

Yes, I worried about this as well; I thought that there was no way I could possibly love my second child as much as my first. Now that my third child is four years old, I look back and realize that my heart and love grew with each child.

Below is a passage and a link to The Primal Mother Mind: Expanded Consciousness through Pregnancy, Birth, and Mothering. Enjoy!

Allyson

=========================

“As a woman becomes a mother her brain is upgraded for increased sensitivity, perception, intuition, and connection to the baby. Nature has its way of preparing women to be optimally ready for the deepening states of consciousness of labor and birth, as well as the bonding, breastfeeding, and demands of parenting a newborn.”

http://www.birthemissary.com/1/post/2011...

ShakirinaLIkram - posted on 05/29/2013

24

0

1

Godwilling, if all goes well and uncomplicated, your second baby will debut when your little girl will be 32 months old, about 2 years plus! She may be talking by then too and leaving her footprints all over the house!
Have no fear, maternal TLC comes naturally with each new addition! In most cases the toddler will be fussier on her newbie than one care to think!
You will be ok and more so if you are a stay at home Mom! If you are working some countries give more than 60 days Maternity Leave!
The one thing that may be different will be if the infant is a boy then he may be needing extra attention than a baby girl, especially during feed times! He is bigger and take in more milk, that is from my experience! Seems, to get hungry faster!

Maria - posted on 05/29/2013

9

20

0

I can say I felt the same and now I think I love the 2nd more ;)
Joking, but yes the love is just as strong..

Michelle - posted on 05/28/2013

2

0

0

I understand exactly how you feel, in fact mine was even more extreme. My daughter as well is the way she is because I have dedicated all my time and energy to her. I am 28 weeks pregnant with a little boy, my daughter will be 28 months when he is born. My feelings were so intense that I was ADAMANT I DID NOT want another girl! I did not want to share the bond I have with my little girl, I didn't want to have to share that love that I have for her. As horrible as it sounds, I adore my daughter so much that I almost didn't want to love another baby as much as I love her because, what if I loved the other baby more? So I did everything I possibly could to ensure when we fell pregnant it would be a boy! Boys have different bonds than girls. But I have come to realise and after speaking to many moms and now that I'm further along in my pregnancy that its impossible to love one more than the other. I will do things differently with this baby purely because he knows no better so cannot be "hurt" if I spend less time with him than I do with my daughter who won't understand when I suddenly dote on another baby and she is on the side. However, include your princess in EVERYTHING! Take her to every scan, tell her she is gonna be such a good big sister, I am always telling my daughter, talk to your brother and she sits and has convos with my tummy (in her own language haha) but I have even told my gynae and if your hospital allows and if you're going natural it may be an idea to consider, when my 2nd is born, I want my daughter to come into the delivery room and see her brother before he gets wheeled out and the rest of the family sees him. So she feels more important than everyone else and when he gets wheeled out she can go and show off her brother! Let her help you as much as possible even passing nappies, putting bum cream, all those little things, just so she's included. :) hope you feel a little better but just know, you're not alone! All the best with your pregnancy and let us know if what you're having ;)

Robertaingram - posted on 05/28/2013

10

0

0

I felt the same way when I was preggo with my second child. You will be a great mother to both of them and you will not believe how much your love will grow! I looked at my son holding my daughter and I love them as if they were both the same person.

Just make sure you have a good friend of family that can come to your rescue when you are too tired or when you need some time for yourself.

Abravo - posted on 05/28/2013

2

0

0

You know I'm a mother of 3 girls, my eldest is only 9 and when I had her, I had her by myself and did everything with her by myself as I was a single mother did not marry her dad nor did I communicate with him. She became my world and gave her everything that I did not have. Until I got married and had 2 more girls. And I love that as much as I love my older daughter, sometimes actually I feel like I dont give much attention anymore and time to my older daughter, because most of my time is the 2 babies which is almost 2yrs and 10 month old, all 3 girls. But I know in my heart that I love them all the same way no more or less for any child. But dont treat them all the same, you know why??? They all have different personalities, and every child is different try not to compair when your baby comes out. You will do good trust me you will know what to do. Good luck....

Monika - posted on 05/28/2013

12

0

0

I had the same feelings and fears before the birth if my baby number two - then the moment came, the birth of the second baby and it was more magical then anything before!!! There is no better feeling the having two! You will see! Enjoy ! Ps in first few months make sure you have some special time alone with your first born! Also include him/her In things you do with new baby. i wanted to keep my son away when I was nursing but he wanted to be there near me/us. So on.

Christina - posted on 05/28/2013

25

21

1

There's a period of learning and adjusting no matter the space between children, mine are 12-1/2 years apart and my oldest was insanely jealous because he thought I was concentrating on my newborn more than him. The truth of it was the exact opposite in the beginning but as my 4 year old started to become more aware of his surroundings and interactive his brother started to interact with him. Don't stress too much and start date times with your daughter like on Saturdays so that when you have your little one in 17-20 weeks it'll be a routine so she knows that is your time solely for her and you while your husband takes care of your newborn during that time. You'll find your center before long, don't doubt yourself.

Ess - posted on 05/28/2013

15

0

3

I think it is the same sort of feelings and worry that some people tend to have with baby number 1. I believe that things slowly fall into place for most women & families without much stress at all. You find your stride, your kids rebuild a routine with you & it slowly gets comfortable, cozy & returns to being your normal.

Relax and enjoy the right my friend.

Kristina - posted on 05/28/2013

2

0

0

It's just part of being a mommy that you question yourself every step of the way. There are so many things that make up being a great mom, and only one of them is the time you can give. Your time alone with your daughter was really special, and you will find ways to make your time with your new baby special too! Your new baby is already being given a gift your first born had to wait for- a sibling and best friend! Each child will benefit from learning to share and valuing their time with you. The fact that you obviously adore your daughter and are worried about this with your new baby shows that you are a great mom with a big heart. Both your kids will benefit from the love you have to give. And when the second one is born your love isn't split, it multiplies!

Anon - posted on 05/28/2013

15

0

0

I did the same thing with my first child and had the same concern about no. 2. You won't be able to give baby no. 2 the same attention until they're both a little older, but the lack of your complete attention will be compensated for by the sibling. Siblings stimulate each other and bring each other so much joy. No. 2 will learn from no. 1, so you will be glad that you have spent so much energy forming no. 1. While I don't regret no. 1's intelligence, all that undivided attention did have some negative impacts( narcissism, self- centeredness, lack of ability to self- entertain that lasted much longer, feelings of entitlement) that I thankfully haven't seen in no. 2, who seems much happier on the whole and is much easier going. It's just a dif in birth order ( a positive one I now think). Do your best by both and ditch the guilt. When no. 2 is 3 or 4 yrs. and no. 1's engaged with school work, you will have a little more time for no. 2 if your feelings of guilt persist.

Julie - posted on 05/28/2013

4

0

0

You will be even better. You have the experience you didn't have before!

Cynthia - posted on 05/28/2013

2

0

0

I worried about the same thing. I was actually angry at first because I didnt want to lessen the amount of attention my daughter would get. But after the new baby came things got easier every day. And my daughter benefited from having a younger sibling- learning to share! And playing peekaboo with him now that he is 9 months. And even though I havent taught my son 80+ baby signs already like I did with his sister, he is SUCH a happy joyful baby, and he adores his sister. I think he learns a lot from her! So even if I cant focus 100% of my attention on teaching them individually, I think that they learn enough from eachother that it more than makes up for it. And they have a friend for life who is close enough in age to really play with them!!

Ivana - posted on 05/28/2013

4

0

0

dont worry, u will be able to handle it after the baby is born. i also have a 4-year old son and a 3- month old son..my older son really love his brother even he is angry if i do not pay attention on his little brother. from now on, u have to tell and give understanding to your daughter that she will have a sibling so she wont be jealous if the baby is coming. i believe that u can give attention and affection equally to both of them. i also worried when i faced my second pregnancy ..could i give the same attention like my first kid?...and now i can do it...becoz both of them are so lovely and adorable...and i believe u will..

Christine - posted on 05/28/2013

59

32

1

They have done twin studies that show that personality is mostly genetic so try not to worry too much! #2 will still shine even if you don't spend "as much" time doing things as you did first time around.
Once the baby gets a bit older, they will have tons of fun playing together which will take some of the pressure off you. I think that you will be able to spend as much time with them both as you want. Just may take a little extra effort. And even if you don't do 100% of the same things you did with baby #1, baby #2 will thrive as long as you are meeting their needs and they know they are loved. The first few months might be rough in that you may be tired and feeding the baby seemingly nonstop.. but once baby gets a bit older it'll be easier. Try not to stress out about it.. anticipation/overthinking things is almost always worse than what actually happens! Anyone with more than one kid will tell you that this is not an issue.

Christine - posted on 05/28/2013

3

0

0

Hi. When my daughter was born I cried for my four year old son confused to think he will feel left out. Now I have two grandchildren 8 years apart(siblings). You will love your children equal and will find they are totally different. Some are more demanding for attention and you may feel torn but trust me.... They will both be loved and you will have plenty to spare. You are a good mom for showing concern... We all do and it's natural. Good luck and don't worry. You will be fine.

Alicia - posted on 05/28/2013

6

4

0

Same feeling here! My son was almost 4 when my daughter was born last October! We emphasized how much she would want him and love him and he was ready...BUF I WAS TERRIFIED! I had given him my all 'How could I give her just as much love and attention?' Not gonna lie the love is incredibly easy!!! But the attention is difficult its hard to do all those things together as a group instead of one on one! It will be fun, tiring, stressful as hell, and fulfilling and the most amazing thing you will do, to learn with them and watch them love each other! Just be aware of how you are doing and be okay with needing to take 5 sometimes! They say two kids is the hardest adjustment and adding more after that is easier, but I only ever wanted two! So good luck, make bringing baby home special for your dd and love them lots!!! FYI my dd is seven months now and I'm very happy to have both my babies even when I am stressed enough to need to take 5!!!

Faith - posted on 05/28/2013

4

0

0

Hi, I had the exact same feeling as you when i was pregnant with my second child but you will be amazed at how much more love you have to give when they are in your arms for that first time :) I fell in love with my boy the moment i saw him and ever since i just feel soo blessed that i have 2 of them now :) sometimes one may get more attention because they need it.. but that's the benefit of having two parents... spending special time with one child while the other parent does the same with the other :) good luck!

Denise - posted on 05/28/2013

45

13

0

It's not the second one that you have to worry about. You'll automatically give all that attention to the second, just like you did the first. Now you get to try and figure out how to still give the first as much attention when the second needs you so much. ;)

Because I'm a debbie downer and want to give you more stuff to worry about. Lol.

Joni - posted on 05/28/2013

85

0

1

My 2 middle children are 19 months apart and my oldest and middle are 31 months apart. Trust me when I say this you will have time to bond with the new baby. I have 3 boys and I have bonded with all 3 of them the same. Just include your first born into everything hou do with the youngest and she will have the chance to bond with the new baby right along with you. I never thought that I could love another child as much as I did my first but trust me I was sooo..wrong. just be sure that when the new baby is asleep you give your oldest mommy time. Explain to her how to be easy with the baby. While your still pregnate het her her own baby to carry around be she to include play diapers,bottles and fake babyh swings. Then about 1 month or so don't allow her to play with it daily. Teach her how to take care of the babydoll. You. Must trat it as if it is a real baby. You even include playing with it I know it sounds stupid but she will get use to seeing you carring a baby around and then it won't be such a new thig that mommy has. Don't worry it sounds as if already you are a wonderful mother so don't worry so much it will come natural atleast it did for me all 3 times. Not too mention my middle son has autism and I have no trouble fitting all 3 kids into mommy time and none of them are in school yet either. My bouys are ages almost 6,3,and 19 months

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms