Can I keep the father of my child away from us???

Rebecca - posted on 06/18/2014 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Can anybody help me at all.
I got caught pregnant quite quickly with my ex and he was never there for me during pregnancy. He hit me once and also sexually abused me. The police are aware and he has been arrested and on bail. I just want to know legally if anybody knows if I can keep my daughter away from him or is there any help any previous mums have got with similar issues to help them in court. He is taking me to court to get access to my 14 week old baby that he stopped seeing himself. he always said if i let him see her or not he will always take me to court. If he had changed and apologised and begged for forgiveness after what he did then he would have had more chances but he has pretty much let my baby girl down since the day she was born as his new girlfriend was more important. Nt once has he tried to see her - He just thinks that because he cant get hold of me that he doesnt have to try and make an effort to see her. We had our own arrangement of supervised access so me and baby was not on our own with him but he failed to carry on coming, What do I do. I feel like I am being backed in a corner and I cant protect my daughter because I do not have any money to get a solicitor for court against him.....

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Ev - posted on 06/21/2014

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Dakota--You can not keep a child from their father or mother if they want to have a relationship with their child unless it is proven that they are a danger to that child. Also that parent can take the other to court for alienation and get custody if there are court orders that are not being met.

Dakota - posted on 06/21/2014

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Yes! I would keep her away if he does any sexual abuse to yr daughter he will not be in good shape neither will you! It will
Fall down on u my sisters husband Ken did the same thing to her! I got all up in his face and he got mad good luck

Rebecca - posted on 06/20/2014

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People are different and surely
You once had sex with people before you knew their background unless you are a saint.....
Thanks for the advice anyway

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/20/2014

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Actually, if you don't have support & visitation orders, and you refuse to allow him access, he can take you to court for parental alienation.

It is best that you get support & visitation set in court, so that you have legal paperwork to bind you. Then, should he choose to not participate, you can document each occurrence, and push for different arrangements down the road.

The alleged acts perpetrated against you will have no bearing on whether or not he has the right to see his child. At most, if you have solid proof of abuse of yourself, you can request court ordered supervised visits, which will be done by a 3rd party.

Guest - posted on 06/20/2014

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Of course, all of that said, if he really has no interest in seeing his child or being a part of her life, you could ask him to sign his rights away. This would automatically release him from any responsibility to the child, so you couldn't get financial support from him, but it would also eliminate his rights to contact with the child, so she would be protected from him.

He has to agree to do it though, you cannot force a father to sign away rights no matter how awful his record, and a judge must approve the procedure. Children are always best off with both parents involved, so judges are more likely to force the father to step up than allow him off the hook. You just have to hope for a favorable judge.

Guest - posted on 06/20/2014

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It doesn't matter whether you intended to get pregnant or not, he is the father of the child, and without a court order, you cannot keep him from his child. Anytime you have sex with a man, you are choosing to take the risk that that man may be the father of your future child. I don't understand why you had sex with him before you did the background check....Obviously, this lesson comes too late for your relationship with this guy, but I hope it is something you teach your child, and consider next time you are thinking about having sex with a guy.

Most of what you wrote about him in the post below will not matter to the courts in regards to custody and visitations except for the violence on the CRB. If you can use that to prove that he may be a physical threat to your child, the judge may grant only supervised visitation, but it will have to be a pretty heavy record, one or two assault charges will not be enough.
If the "young girl" you found him in bed with is under the legal age of consent for your state (16 in most states, but as low as 14 in a few), you could speak to her parents about filing statutory rape charges, that could also strengthen your case, but you have to have more than just your word against his that he is sleeping with a young girl. You have to have proof or it is just hearsay and will be thrown out.
Also, if you filed charges against him for the sexual assault against you, you can bring up those charges, but they will not mean a lot until he is actually convicted of them because of your relationship. Unfortunately, a lot of bitter ex girlfriends file fake assault charges against their exes, so the courts do not take them seriously until after conviction. If you cannot wait that long though, you can have your evidence shown at family court to strengthen your case.....of course the down side to that is that he and his legal team will be present and will be better able to prepare for the assault trial, so you have to carefully weigh your options.

Right now, his isn't obligated to spend any money on your child or his other child, or to see them regularly, so the courts will not care that he isn't spending money on them, or that he is spending money on the girlfriend. They WILL care if he can prove that you are trying to limit his contact with his child. Make sure ALL of your communication with him happens over email so that you have a paper trail. Print every communication, put it in a binder in chronological order. This way you have a record of any threats he makes against you, and you can prove that you offered to let him see his child but he refused.

Rebecca - posted on 06/19/2014

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It all happened quickly and I didn't choose to get pregnant and doctors also told me I could not have children after undergoing several tests for months and months- so I was just a young girl having fun. I didn't know him to be honest and it turns out he has violence on his crb. The fact that he sexually assaulted me and hit me and I also found him in bed with a younger girl, personally I don't think he should have any access to his daughter. Including that he has already let her down to be with this girl and he has spent so much on this girl but has t spent a penny on his daughter or his other 8 year old daughter that he hasn't seen for her whole life.
I never said he couldn't see my daughter I just said it has to be supervised but he couldn't even keep coming for that.

Guest - posted on 06/18/2014

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Are you in the US?
If there is no court order stipulating visitation and custody arrangements, you can legally keep him from seeing her; however, if he chooses to take you to court and he can prove that you made it difficult or prohibited him from seeing his child, it will reflect poorly upon you and will hurt your case.
It really is best to get a court order to stipulate visitation and custody, that way if he doesn't hold up his end, you can file contempt charges and gradually erode his rights to her should you find contact with him to be detrimental. That said, it is almost always better if both parents are involved, and as much as you hate this guy right now, he is the guy you chose to be her father a few months ago, so you have to live with that decision even when it is tough.

Attorney fees are simply a basic parental expense that you need to come up with money to pay for. If you have a kid, you really need to have a good attorney. If you want what is best for your child legally, it really isn't something you can just skip--you wouldn't let her go without diapers or bedding, don't let her go without an attorney. If it means digging into her college account, go ahead, you have 18 years to put it back and she can take out student loans for college--you can't really get a loan for lawyers' fees, so use whatever you have, but make sure you can scrap together the few hundred dollars--it is important.

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