Can I refuse to allow my ex's girlfriend to disipline mykids

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Danielle Kimberly - posted on 10/22/2012

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As this seems to be a big issue for you, the children are the most important factor here. I know its tough to deal with. From experience, all I can say is that communication is key. Sit down with your ex and his girlfriend and make guidelines of how to discipline. Children need stability, so having the same guidelines of rules in each home will help them a lot. Do your children like her? do they get along? I do not see an issue with her being able to "discipline" because your children do need to respect her. If a major issue arises where tough discipline is needed, the new girlfriend should leave that up to the dad.

Holly - posted on 10/22/2012

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my SD doesn't live with us full time, but if i have her and SO isn't there due to his work schedule, i am more than allowed to discipline SD, ESP if she does something to hurt my kids... I send her to her room, make her write apology letters, have talks with her. take away her toys.

Dove - posted on 10/22/2012

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If she lives with your ex and is taking care of your kids as well then she should have 'some' discipline rights. Physical discipline? Absolutely not, but being able to send them to their rooms or time out if they are breaking the house rules is 100% ok. Assuming, of course, that she IS living in the house that they are in during their dad's visitations. Your ex should have 'dibs' on the discipline, but if she is not allowed to back him up then it just makes it that much harder on your kids.

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Holly - posted on 10/23/2012

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you need to make sure that they don't ever hate either parent... and if he is happy with the way she does things, oh well... that is him. honestly since THEY are paying for majority of the house they are being NICE letting you stay in the main part. perhaps since you are disabled it would be best if they stay with him so as to not harm their relationship any further. but you need to either move to the in-law suite or just move out all together.

Danielle Kimberly - posted on 10/23/2012

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Im so sorry to hear that, This would break my heart. The issue is not the girlfriend (though she is a factor), its the father. What he is doing is wrong!!!. These are your children, not her's. Are you able to move in with your parents, or do you know someone who has a basement apartment? Anyone who would be able to help you try and establish your own residence? You need to get out of there and take your children with you. It's unfortunate but with the way your husband is acting, court would be your best option. When I was young, my parents split and both had new partners in no time. As hard as this is for you, its harder for your children. What the father and girlfriend are doing is hurtful to your children and he is an ass for not seeing this. All you can do now is listen your children, show them love and not speak ill of their father when they are around. Who cares if she can clean a house, she cant love your children as well as you do and the courts know that. Patricia, no matter how hard things will get, never doubt your ability as a mother. No matter how hard she tries, this girlfriend will never ever take your place. I know you said you cannot afford a lawyer, but I would suggest at least going to consult someone about your options. When it comes to your children, you will always find a way. Don't give up.

Patricia N - posted on 10/22/2012

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She and my soon to be ex live in the in law addition and I have main house. She has totally tried to take over. My husband says she corrects better then me. Its so upsetting neither my husband or I make enough income I am disabled and cant keep house as clean as I use too. He praises her in front of kids and downs me. She is trying it seems to take over as their mother. Its so much I'm confused and depressed I can't afford a lawyer. I just want my kids to be happy. They are boy 8 girl 14. They hate her and now starting to dislike their father.

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Holly - posted on 10/22/2012

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Wait the both of you are still in the house together?! If she moves in and is paying bills she should see it add get own home just as if she were paying rent at an apartment. Regardless this should not have anything to do with if she should be able to discipline his children

Patricia N - posted on 10/22/2012

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My husband is moving her in our house. We have a in law addition and because she helps him pay the bills she told me this is her house too! I don't feel she should discipline at all as our divorce won't be final for about 6 more mo.

Holly - posted on 10/22/2012

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discipline how? spank? tell them to go to their rooms? make them stand in the corner? remove their toys?

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