can i take her

Sarra - posted on 01/12/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I live in PA My family lives in OR i want to move back to be with my family and provide a better life for my baby i was never married to her father and there is no custody agreement in place can i legally take her and move to OR.

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Sarah - posted on 08/22/2011

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I say if you have a better chance to live a better life and provide a great home and decent upbringing for your child do it!! If you wait around for the father to be okay with your move you might be stuck somewhere you don't want to be in a situation you could have avoided.
My sister had the chance to take her twin boys and little girl and move back to FL where most of our family was located, but wanted to be nice to her ex allow him to see the kids when he wanted etc. and has now been stuck living where she has no one to help her and fighting for them for almost 4 years. Not becuase her ex wants them so much as he wants to make her life living hell. She has had to put off school living where she wants being close to a strong support team and having a great career because she wanted to be the nice guy. Be the best parent you can be and do what you have to do. If your ex wants it that bad he will make it happen, or he can petition your state for custody on his dime while you are living your life.

Jo - posted on 08/22/2011

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NO YOU CAN'T!!!! Trust me on this I lived in PA and moved back to CT where ALL my family is. I moved here to give my daughter a better life and be closer to family since her father and his family were cruel and undermining.
I have been take to court 2x's by my daughters father for moving back to my home state. The first time the judge gave me permission to move back to my home state. A few years later I moved back to PA with my boyfriend thinking more job opportunities and since I had already had permission from the judge to move back to my home state I didn't think I needed it again. Well my exbf went to court (he didn't notify me even though he knew where I lived and was still living in PA) He got a judge to give him custody by saying I had just up and moved and no one knew where I was (which was a lie he has ALWAYS been able to contact me). I moved not knowing he had an order in place for custody and an order preventing me from leaving the county with my daughter. When I let her go visit him for Labor day weekend and it came time for me to pick her up, he wasn't there. I called him said he now had custody and she wouldn't be seeing me anymore and laughed. I didn't get to see or talk to my daughter for over a MONTH! HE ALLOWED me to talk to her for 5mins on her birthday. She turned 9. The judge in PA didn't care if she lived with me ALL of her life, he didn't care that her father was a drug abuser and alcoholic and a woman abuser. He didn't care that she had an older brother with whom she was very close to. This idiot judge stated that he gave her father permanent custody because my daughter had missed a lot of school that year (we had swine flu at our house) and that because HE WAS MARRIED and I wasn't. Oh and that he just had another kid so she would have a longer time to get to know her new little brother (which her father didn't tell her when he was born, he forgot.) This same judge had put a restraining order on him 4 years before because he threaten to kill me, my son, and my parents. One would think that since he had put the restraining order on him for this and they said I had just up and disappeared that he would think of contacting the police to find me that maybe he may have fulfilled his threat....but no. I was actually only 3 miles from the courthouse and I had been in contact with the same judge because the day he filed for custody he also filed for child support modification. I got the modification court paperwork but not the custody...hmm go figure.
So PLEASE don't just up and go to OR. Or if you do petition as soon you have been there in OR for 6 month for custody of you child. But you should petition PA first that you are moving closer to family and have a better support system in OR. Show you have a place to live, job assistance. You don't need a lawyer if you petition on your own. USUALLY the court clerks can instruct you on what to file. BUT if it gets complicated you can always contact an attorney to take over or CONSULT AN ATTORNEY AT THE VERY LEAST FIRST!! I'm as serious as a heart attack when I tell you this. I do not want any other person to have to go thru what I did or what my daughter had to endure. Good luck to you hun and please consult at least an attorney.

Mary - posted on 01/12/2010

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and don't get me wrong, i'm not a man hater. i'm glad he couldn't get visitation in the divorce because he keeps saying he wants to be part of his life and i have never told him he couldn't.... i even visit out that way every year and he always is unavailable to reach and he never once has made an attempt to see his son here. he pretends he wants to be involved but no action on his part to show he means it. if the father is there and wants to be involved and shows it and isn't abusive i would definately try to work something out with him or stay open with him so he can visit etc. :)

Mary - posted on 01/12/2010

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yes you can....the only time you can't is when there's custody involved and you're ordered to stay in the same state. i was married to my son's dad and lived in ohio. we split when i was still prego and moved to oregon. thank goodness i did it before he was born because when we got divorced his state had no jurisdiction and he couldn't fight for custody or visitation in the divorce. i guess it really all depends on the state. i don't believe there's anything holding you back. i'd do it before he starts doing anything legally regarding the child. to make you feel better, just go to your court house and ask them or call and get free consult from a lawyer. good luck!!

Emily - posted on 01/12/2010

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If he signed her birth certificate than you have to have his permission to leave the state. Then you also need to go to court to create visitation for both of you. Good luck though.

Amanda - posted on 01/12/2010

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Legally unless he signed her birth certificate I would think that he had no rights to her....morally I would think that unless the man is completly insane and u are afraid that he may hurt your baby (or you) then you should at least let him know that you are going to be moving, Wish that I could help more never been in ur situation myself but I moved away from my father when I was 12 and it was rough growing up with out him but that was bc he chose not to be there and that changes things. Unless hes a threat then its not fair to take her away completely from him, let him know where you are moving and try to keep him involved as much as possible for ur daughters sake.

Shayna - posted on 01/12/2010

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You can because there is no custody agreement and you were never married but He can get a custody agreement and that will force you to stay. Do you have a visitation agreement? It will be very easy for him to stop the move if he wanted to. I hope this helps.

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