Can raise my baby while having a life of my own?

[deleted account] ( 5 moms have responded )

I'm 23 and still in college for nursing. I sometimes get depressed because I feel like I can't do the things I like to do. I want to be in my daughter's life as much as I can. But work and school keep me from that. At the same time I wish I had more time for myself to do things I use to do and to spend time with her father but I feel bad not using that time with her, she is ten months old. I find myself daydreaming a lot about what my life could of been like if I had more time for me. I get so jealous of girls that can just get up and go do whatever they please. I use to be so outgoing and I feel like I lost who I am as a person. I just want to find my happiness again and not have to daydream anymore.

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Nancy - posted on 12/02/2012

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I have felt a similar sadness at the loss of my old life at times and had my first child when I was 10 years older than you are. There is nothing wrong with mourning the loss of the old you and certain freedoms that come with not having a family. You are young and you are a new mom, it seems totally normal to me to have these feelings, particularly in the beginning when babies need an incredible amount of energy and time from you. That said, the sooner you can come to terms with the fact that that life is gone and that you will need to find a balance, the sooner you will find a new happiness in your new life. Remember that you are the most important person in the world to your child right now - you are her whole life and all she wants to do is be with you, love you, be comforted by you. It's a beautiful responsibility that you shouldn't take for granted. Perhaps your partner can give you and hour a day, or a few hours a week depending on your schedules for some you time to go out and do something you enjoy. I know it's often hard to ask, or to schedule that sort of time because there is always something to do but it is worth it to reconnect with those parts of ourselves that get much less attention now that baby is here.

Ariana - posted on 11/26/2012

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You can have your own life, but your life is never going to go back to how it was when you didn't have a child. You aren't going to be able to go to those spring-of-the-moment gatherings or out partying whenever you want or anything like that. That's life.



You CAN start to focus energy on doing something you like/used to like doing. So if you were always a writer, or dancer, or w/e it may be make some special you time once a week for that. I don't know what you're into but whatever it was that interested you go do that, or take a class, join a club, anything that will give you some time to work on yourself.



It ends up being about hitting that balance, sometimes your child is going to take more of your attention, sometimes school (especially around exam time ha), sometimes there will be more opportunities for you to do what you want, whatever it is you always have to try to find that balance inbetween it all so you aren't totally stressed out all the time.



Like I said, find yourself a helpful, reliable sitter that comes over once a week for a couple of hours while you go give yourself some ME time. I find a class or group is helpful because it's scheduled and you can't blow it off and spend the time on homework or housework or w/e...



You are in control of your happiness, no you can't have everything you want, you aren't going to be the same person you were before you had a child, but you can create an identity for yourself away from the mother / student / wife role and just do something where you can be you.



Good luck!

Michelle - posted on 12/01/2012

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Instead of getting jealous of your friends that don't have the responsibility of having a child think of what they are missing out on. You have brought a gorgeous child into this world that loves you for who you are. She wants to spend all her time with you.



You have to understand your life changed forever when you fell pregnant. It was your choice to carry through with the pregnancy so you choice to have a child that would be dependent on you for the next 18 years.



Maybe you should get some counseling to help you through all the emotions you are going through and to find your niche in life instead of wishing you had everyone else's life.

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[deleted account]

Well that's good for you. But I'm too much of a busy woman and I need a break to keep sane otherwise it will take a toll on me which it has been doing.

Holly - posted on 11/26/2012

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i couldn't imagine wanting to do anything aside from doing things with my baby.... seriously

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