Can sisters be friends?

Demunda - posted on 01/29/2010 ( 35 moms have responded )

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my girls are 7 and 9 and always into it with each other. Sometimes they even get physical. I have tried everything. What can I do to help them be friends as well as sisters?

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[deleted account]

My sister and I are 3 years apart. We were very verbally abusive and physical with each other when we were kids. When I was a senior in high school and she was a freshman, we became friends. To this day my sister is my best friend. I wouldn't push them. Require them to be polite to each other and definately punish them for being abusive. But don't force them to do things together. Let them develop their own personalities and interests. They will eventually learn how blessed they are to have each other. By the way, my sister and I are complete opposites! I think it helps our friendship.

Caroline - posted on 02/03/2010

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I have two young adult(23&27) sons. My older son has bipolar disorder so things have not always been easy between them. But I've always reminded them that no matter what, they are brothers. They will always have that connection. It works. They may not always get along, they have a lot of baggage between them but they know no one knows what the other has gone through...the good and the bad. You can probably expect a lot of squabbling in the next few years, especially once your older daughter goes through puberty. But make sure you have family time together that's fun and make sure they do some fun things together. Those memories will be the glue that holds them together. Good luck!

Lia - posted on 02/03/2010

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Hi! you can always have a date alone with each daughter. Like Mom and I date. Do things together. Sometimes too much familiarity leads to chaos..And it goes with siblings as well especially with the same gender. i have 4 lovely girls ages 6, 4, 3&1 and so far it worked for me and my husband. Give each daughter a special day so they will feel loved and feel important.

Mary - posted on 02/02/2010

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Well, my sister and I are 16 months apart in age. We fought unmercifully at that age...and periodically beat the crap out of each other even into high school. We always loved each other (not that we would admit it) and God help the fool that tried to put her down in front of me, but we didn't really become "friends" until I went away to college. She is, and will always be, my very best friend in this world!

Kathy - posted on 02/02/2010

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I had a similar problem with my children when they were young. Now they are grown they are very good friends. To manage and understand behaviour of siblings and the roles they play to get attention I took a parenting course and read a book called Children the Challenge by Adler as the course was based on this book. It was very insightful, especially when I realized that the behaviour they were displaying was actually their way of cooperating to get my attention, one being the good one (the victim) and one being the aggressor, the reasoning behind this was that any attention was better than no attention. There were so many good chapters in this book, and using many of the techniques along with regular family meetings where everyone had a say (no laying of blame and using only I messages and trying to solve some of the problems together as a group) was helpful. It took time and patience as it takes a lot longer to undo the bad behaviours and reinforce the good ones, but eventually it does work. The parenting group was helpful just to know that I was not alone in having to deal with this behaviour. I also found that the book was not just helpful in managing my kids behaviour but in also acknowledging the role we as parents play in reinforcing these behaviours. today I notice my children use many of the techniques with their children/family so I guess they learned something. Just a reminder sometimes the behaviour gets worse before it gets better (their resistance to change) but if you persevere hopefully you all will be much happier and understanding of each other.

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Lynette - posted on 02/05/2013

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My girls are 24 and 19 they just don't get along. It really hurts my heart. What can I do?

Jill - posted on 07/18/2012

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My sister and I were the same age gap. We were never friends for our entire childhood. It wasn't until we were both grown and out of the house that we made a relationship.

You can't force a friendship, so just establish rules of conduct to minimize conflict.

Jeanne - posted on 02/07/2010

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First what do they fight about? I used to fight with my sisters because my of our different personalities---I am the youngest, however my sister who is 2 years older than me acts and is treated like the baby. My sister who is 3 years older was always told to "look after" her younger siblings, thus if we did something wrong, she too would be given a reprimand. So, again I ask what are they fighting over or for. Both need to learn respect---of each other as people, and of each others belongings. My rule with my children was simple fighting is against the rules. I taught them to state their issues, after they prayed about them. If they could not resolve an issue to bring another person in to hear their dispute, for another persons perspective. I have three children, so generally they would ask the 3rd child, but more often than not I would be consulted. I could more easily see both sides and help them come up with a solution. So be patient with them and help them verbalize their frustrations, and never try to resolve an issue in the heat of the moment. Send everyone to separate locations to pray. Whatever you do, do not add to the fight. Children learn what they are taught, so I would add one more thing, I am the youngest of 9---my older siblings were taught to fight by my parents as was I, thus that is what and how we handled everything. My mom is 80 years old and still will raise her voice and scream if she is not getting her own way. Praise be to God, who taught me through other Christians this is wrong. May God teach you and your girls as well.

Angie - posted on 02/05/2010

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My 9 year old and 11 year old are the best of friends and always have been. I pray they always will be. My sister and I are 2 years apart and have never gotten along. I don't even really have contact with her anymore, she and I just have nothing in common but our DNA.

[deleted account]

My sister and I werent friends when we were kids really. I would be more inclined to seperate them into different interests (Im assuming they are interested in different things anyway) and so the time they do spend together is more likely to be peaceful because they have less time to get on each others nerves. Dont be too disheartened though - although we werent friends when we were young we a really close friends now (which judging by some of the other posts is pretty normal)

Leslie - posted on 02/05/2010

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My sister and I are three and a half years apart and it took a very long time for us to get along. We fought and fought, I used to think she was the "good child" and the "favorite" but I know that my mom and dad love us all. We finally just clicked, I dont remember if there was one specific event that made it happen but once we both were getting older and started going to different schools and we moved to a new neighborhood we started to become friends. In high school I decided not to hang out with most my friends my junior year because I didnt enjoy the choices they were making and I only seemed to be a friend they wanted to hang out with when they had a problem and so I am so grateful to have a sister as my friend then because I didnt have anyone else to talk to or hang out with and I love my sister so much! I hope your girls will grow out of it because having a sister as a friend is one of the best things in the world! They will always be there for eachother!

[deleted account]

Bring back memories of me and my sister, we were 5 years apart in age. We fought all the time, physically (me), verbally (her) I guess because she was older and she didn't want to hurt me. There was definitely love between us. I would fight anybody who even looked like they wanted to hurt my big sister or said something mean to her. I was the only only allowed to do those or say mean things her and if anybody tried to be mean or hurt her had a problem (with me). Your youngest daughter may be somewhat jealous and want to be like her. My sister and I loved each other, played with each other and Mom would make us share with each other, but we still fought. As we got older and into our teenage years we became much closer and remained that way until she past away at age 46. We had fun together, we attended different events together, took trips together and overall we had a very, very good relationship. I can't express how much I miss her being with me. They will work out their issues and will be closer and have a better understanding of each other.

Cortne - posted on 02/05/2010

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I would say the same thing about getting them involved in activities together. My sister and I are 18 mos. apart and fought like cats and dogs when we were growing up. This is just common between siblings, sibling rivalry. They will grow out of it, just try to hang in there. My youngest two are 4 and 3, boy and a girl, and they are constantly fighting, but won't let anybody else come between them, and they love each other to death. Good luck, you will survive!

Blackwood - posted on 02/02/2010

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When we were younger, my mom would not allow us to fight, if we starting, one when one place the other when another. We could play, but it would be by ourselves and not together, of course sometimes you have to let them work things out on their own, but you could try that. My mom would always say "one day your sister might be only person you have". My sister and I are now of course grown up both just had our first children (9 wks, apart from each other) and she truly is my best friend. We talk on the phone for at least an hour a day. Best wishes.

Marina - posted on 02/02/2010

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Oh if only we had a crystal ball and be able to see into the future. My answer to your question is YES. My daughters were exactly the same, They fought like cats and dogs literally and just drove me nuts. Yet if some one else came in and started to pick on one of my daughters the other one would go to her defence without hesitation. When one was punished the other would go and comfort them. They had this love hate relationship like that couldn't be in the same room together but as soon as they were separated they missed each other like anything. As teenagers they were even worse, but when they moved to different parts of the country they would ring each other up and talk to each other in confidence and were there for each other...now they have children of their own they are so close as sisters and as best friends and they are always there for each other....but it;s very interesting that they have both said they could never live under the same roof..... and in fact both my daughters have become my best friends too

Christy - posted on 02/02/2010

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I can tell you that I have my fair of scars, even on my face, from my younger sister. We are now, what some people describe as, attached at the hip. She doesn't live more than 5 mins from me, I've helped her through some difficulties with pregnancies, childrearing, babysitting, etc! She is absolutely my very best friend! I have a feeling that if something like this she would've been asking the same question! Hang in there! It gets better! My mom used to tell us, "friends come and go, but your sister will be your sister forever!"

Elissa - posted on 02/02/2010

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Well, my mother always told my sister and I "That's the only sister you'll ever have." To which we usually responded "GOOD!" We are 18 months apart, and we have always been close. Maybe it had more to do with growing up on a farm with the closest neighbor being a half mile away. But we were also involved in 4-H together, and we played field hockey together in high school. She is my best friend. We have had (and still do occasionally) our tiffs, but the things is, we always know that we will love each other no matter what. That may be why their fights get so bad. They know that no matter what they do, their sister will still be there for them in the end.

KIm - posted on 02/02/2010

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My sister and I were 15 months apart and as long as we shared a room we fought. We never really became friends until we each had our own space (we were also 15 and 14 at the time), We eventually went on to be roommates in college. My mom repeatedly threatened to tie us to a chair unless we learned to get along. Once she ended up actually doing it without the ropes. Just made us sit back to back, we ended up laughing so hard. I think the highs and lows in the relationship help you deal with a lot of the other bad stuff that comes along in life. Set them bounds and let them figure out who they are within those constraints. Love them and hopefully they will love each other.

Sasha - posted on 02/01/2010

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Sounds like a normal sibling relationship to me. They will grow up...eventually. My brother are 3yrs apart and fought like cats and dogs most of the time. We get along great now.

User - posted on 02/01/2010

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remind them that they are blood and nothing is more important than family, they will fight but always remind them to love each other and never let anyone hurt the other. that sibling rivalry will continue but the sister bond will grow too, we must as parents put into our kids what we expect them to be and do by constantly reminding them of what is expected of them.

Krista - posted on 02/01/2010

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Heck, my sister once chased me around the house with a cleaver. Now, we're super-close. We still drive each other nuts sometimes, and definitely know how to push each others' buttons, but if I needed her at 4am and called, she'd be there in a heartbeat.

Magda - posted on 02/01/2010

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Same story here. I didn't get along with my older sister till she got married and left home, I was 17, she was 21. Now we're best friends, before we fought and got physical plenty. I do however know families where sisters are very close, love doing things together and don't compete. I think it's rare though. Fighting is a lot more common.

Nikki - posted on 01/29/2010

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I would take them out together doing something they both could interact in...Sitting them down and you'll have an meeting on whats going on, and remind them theyre sisters, and could also be best friends. They both are around the same age, so it could be differences in the two as far as temperament, and also jealousy could play a role in it. I have two girls and they be at it also, but there's a six year age gap. Hope this help

Cori - posted on 01/29/2010

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my sister and i used to get very physical fighting (i am not proud of it but i tried to break down the bathroom door trying to get to her!!) we threw phones, shoes or just about anything we could find!! probably one of the worst relationships i had ever had!! but now (12 years later) we are GREAT and i mean GREAT friends. she knows that she can talk to and count on me. and i know that i can do the same, we laugh about how crazy we used to be! i am sure it drove our parents crazy but it took us living 1000's of miles apart to realize how much we really did love eachother.

maybe let them have space from eachother, activities to do individually.. because the times our parents forced us to be together were the times we fought most. let one go to a friends house for a sleep over and let the other have a friend over for a sleep over... i am not saying keep them apart all of the time, but make sure they know that if they need it, they can get space from eachother.

[deleted account]

Try not to get too caught up in it. I am the middle child out of three girls. We are all between 2 and 3 years apart. When we were growing up we would play so well together one mintue and fight (yes physical) like crazy the next minute. I was horrible to my sisters!!!!! We are all adults now and my 2 sisters are the cloest friends I have ever known.

Abbie - posted on 01/29/2010

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It takes time and just simply growing up. I have 3 sisters, and my closest in age is 4 years older to me, we damn near killed eachother growin up. NOW............. We are very close we share everything. It just takes time.

Ashlee - posted on 01/29/2010

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You just have to keep trying my sisters and I didn't become friends until we were out of high school and we're all a year apart. Good luck

Janet - posted on 01/29/2010

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My girls was like that too as I with my sister. But when I grew up and she got married ,I missed her very much . Now we are best friends and I explained to my girls that your sister will always be there for you and you couldn't find another best friend truer than one another. So treat your best friend the way you would like to be treated.

Dawn - posted on 01/29/2010

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Oh....and on the physical thing...my sister used to open up scissors and throw them at me like a tomahawk while I was running away. This happened several times and thank goodness she never actually hit me before Mom caught her in the act and put an end to it. We also hit, pushed, etc. Just don't let them get away with it. Find some serious consequences they will respect.

Dawn - posted on 01/29/2010

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Hmmm. Don't know exactly what advice to give you for now. But, my sister and I were the same way (2 years apart) and fought a lot. BUT, when Mom & Dad weren't around (like at school) we did much better together (for the most part). Now, as adults, my sister is one of my best friends. So, hang in there!

Jessica - posted on 01/29/2010

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I was not friends with my sister until I moved out of my mom's house... Now we are friends not that close because we live so far away from each other

Mary - posted on 01/29/2010

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me and my sister where like that all throu my entire childhood and teen year but as soon as i moved out things changed now i can honestly say she is my best friend we do everything together...my problem with my sister was that since we where so close in age that we had all the same friends and did everything together and i hated it because i just wanted my own space... so i would try and give them some special alone time at home without each other

Jennifaye - posted on 01/29/2010

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PLEASE LET ME KNOW CAUSE MY EIGHT YEAR OLD AND THREE YEAR OLD ARE THE SMAE WAY THEY PLAY THEY FIGHT SO ALL I CAN SAY I TALK TO THEM AND FIND OUT WHAT IS THE PROBLEM THEY CAN'T BE GOOD TO EACH OTHER

Sarah - posted on 01/29/2010

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This sound like me and my sister we are three years a part and fought with each other like cats and dogs! Unfortunately we didn't get along until I was around eighteen? Not very helpful I know, but on a lighter note we are best friends now and we would be lost without each other! :) I wish you luck!

Kayliecia - posted on 01/29/2010

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Try and have them do activities together such as doing their hair or something, painting nails..that's the best way i can think of.

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