Can't stand the ashtray breath

Stina - posted on 07/18/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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Been married to DH 5 years. When we first started dating, he had been successful at quitting for a few months. By the time he started back up again, I'd already fallen in love with him- and shortly thereafter was pregnant with my son.

Flash forward. He's attempted to quit many times with no luck. It's been over a year since his last attempt and with my most recent pregnancy, I developed a keen sensitivity to the smell. The sensitivity hasn't gone away since the birth of the baby and it's getting in the way of our bedroom life. Just a whiff of his breath repulses me and even if I was in the mood, it eliminates any of my thoughts for sex.

I can't nag him to quit b/c that will never work but I am so very tired of his smoking. What to do?

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Leigh - posted on 07/19/2009

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Yeah, well he needs to be in the right mindset to quit. Mine probably had some side effects that he didn't tell me about, because it got to the stage where I was a real bitch to him about his smoking, I've put up with his bad breath, his stink clothes, his invading my personal space with his smell. (I should say that DH was very considerate, always tried to brush is teeth after smoking, chewed gum, washed his hands, carried a spare shirt around) I really told my husband he was friggin selfish, & to look at what was happening because of silly smokes (we were at my son's high school graduation, which went for 3-4 hours & DH had to get up & disrupt everyone (we were packed in like sardines, & then comes back in reeking of smoke). I just told him that he stunk in front of a big group of people that we don't know or never met before, but it was just embarrasing for him to come in & sit with me effecting everyone else's body space.(this was because I didn't nag, nah I saved it up until I told him off in a public setting.) We speak another language so no one around me could understand what we were talking about except my MIL. And then there was the recession & my role being made redundant, which meant one income. I was watching a financial budgeting program with my husband & the 'trainer', showed what a couple could of 'owned' if he didn't smoke for a year. Heaps of powertools, a diamond ring, a really neat family holiday, & DH loves 'tools/things', so I think it woke up his ideas as well. I've been with my husband for 21 years, he never smoked when I met him, I did, but then he started, stopped, started again, so pretty much for the past 18 years it's been on & off, longer periods of on than off. I also went through a period that with every packet of smokes my husband bought, I bought myself something, mainly shoes & hand bags, that suited me fine, but then you can only have so many, & my money went on stuff for our kids, which made me resentful, bitter, & shitty, because he was still getting his smokes. When I started to control our budget & only gave him $100.00 per week, which he spent on smokes I was like well too bad, you've done your dough, so had to put up with mr sulky for a few days, but that's the thing with long term relationships, you learn to wait stuff out lol!! Then he decided that he would smoke roll your owns, because it was 'cheaper', which lasted about a month, before he got sick of that, & he was still spending $50.00 a week on that. But then our neighbours told us about Champix. They gave us some, & my husband said he the 'weaker pills', didn't make any difference, but the stronger ones do. Well Stina, keep at it, my wish for you is 'fresh air'.

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13 Comments

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Krista - posted on 12/24/2010

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Seeing as this post is from July of 2009 and the OP hasn't updated it since then, I'm thinking it's time to lock 'er down.

Firebird - posted on 12/24/2010

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Suggest to him to try electronic cigarettes. He can get them in flavours like apple or vanilla since tobacco bothers you. He'll get his nic fix and he won't stink.

Lydia - posted on 12/24/2010

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tell him the truth. smoke - no sex. no smoke - sex. don't nag about it, tell it simply as it is, maybe it'll help.
i can't stand the smell of beer and it kills all the romance for me, so no more beer for my hubby... he was more than willing to skip the beer.

[deleted account]

Offer him a breathmint or gum after he has a smoke, or say for him to brush his teeth. My bf smokes, i dont. so i know where your coming from, Eventually he will get the hint, and make sure his breath doesn't stink. Brad did :P

Sharon - posted on 07/19/2009

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That sucks Stina. I know that from to many nights of my husband sweating like a pig - he's made our room reek because he won't let me wash his pillows and they're to expensive to replace - he says. I finally threw everything out, washed EVERYTHING in the room - and omg - its like walking into a lavender field (lol I used lavender detergent, softener, and dryer sheets!)



Be sure to explain to him, you're not disinterested, but he STINKS. Ask him how sexy would he find you if smelled like tuna going bad?

Stina - posted on 07/19/2009

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Never heard of Targon. Wonder if it's available in my area... As for refusing relations... I guess that's what's been happening... but not purposefully... I ask if he's washed up- b/c of the smell. Most of the time his teeth are brushed, but shower/good waship before bed? Not something he seems to want to do- he takes my request as a sign of disinterest and just gives up/goes to sleep.

Sharon - posted on 07/19/2009

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Smoking is awful - but if he won't quit - then try to find a way to cope and count your blessings its not pot or something worse. There is a mouthwash for smokers... Targon = I have no idea if it works or not - but I've heard about it repeatedly for years.

If he hasn't brushed his teeth, showered and used a good mouthwash - refuse to kiss him or have relations - its no worse than refusing to have sex with my hubby until he's washed off the grease and grass from working in the yard.

Stina - posted on 07/19/2009

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DH tried chantix two years ago and it did work but we think he had some of the psychological side effects so he probably won't be using it again. Besides, he's not interested in quitting right now. (or at least doesn't seem to be) I understand the addiction bit... a hard one to break. I guess I just wish I didn't feel like it was pushing us apart.

Leigh - posted on 07/19/2009

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Champix, it really works. My husband was the same. Brushing his teeth just gave him a minty smoker smell. He's now given up using these pills. Of course he'd tried many, many times before, but this time seems to have been the best with his moods. It's an addiction, I understand that, but I hated (& so do my kids) the smell, the amount of money it costs, the social time it took him away (he only smoked outside so at functions would spend most of his time outside). I used to tell my husband go brush your teeth, & he would say I have, well go do it again, & by then I was over it. Much better now, he's way more kissable. He now can smell what he smelled like & is repulsed.

Candice - posted on 07/18/2009

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before i became a smoker i was married to one. he chewed gum CONSTANTLY and i NEVER smelled it on his breath. i actually smelled coffee and beer before i ever smelled smoke. maybe that would help?

Momma - posted on 07/18/2009

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Trying to get a smoker to understand is hard. My mother and I nagged at my father for years to quit and it never worked. I'm a hypocrite because after my mother died I turned to alcohol and was around people the smoked all the time so I started. While I was pregnant with my daughter the smell of it made me sick and couldn't be around anyone that did smoke. Even now, after having my daughter I can't be around anyone that smokes, but I still smoke myself (i did quit when I was pregnant). So, as a smoker I would understand if you told me to brush my teeth, use mouth wash, and take a shower before trying to get intimate. LOL, I know I don't make sense but I do hope it helps.

Colleen - posted on 07/18/2009

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have you told him about your sensitivity to smoking, or the why his breath smells?

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