Can you help me with my VENT??

Jeanie - posted on 12/30/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Just need to vent!! Tonight my 8 year old daughter will meet my former husband's new girlfriend. We've been divorced since June of this year, separated since 2010. For the most part, we've been 'model co-parents' and though our daughter does well in school, behavior wise, etc. she still harbors very deep emotions over wanting us back together and developed nervous tummy issues in the beginning. I've witnessed this too many times to name, have held her when she's cried or begged me to get my feelings back for her Daddy (she doesn't know to this day it was his decision). She is nervous about meeting this woman and I know the road ahead will be full of questions for me, the one she confides her emotions to, his attitude about it all is she is just fine with it...complacent, apathetic. Are there any Moms out there who've been through this & have any great words of wisdom p l e a s e?

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Ev - posted on 12/30/2012

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Its been about ten years ago for me when the first girlfriend I knew about met my kids. They had told me in the form of asking "What if?" questions about their dad. I did not understand it at first but learned it was their way of telling me he had one. Co-parenting with him was horrid and he did things like introducing the kids to new GF's every few months. They did not like it. They had no choice in it. And I think they were more worried about me and my reactions than themselves to be honest.

I do remember that the first girlfriend he had after our divorce had one weekend babysat our kids without my knowledge. Once the kids told me where they had gone with her and all: I talked to their dad and told him that she was not a step mom and not related; therefore, had no rights to take my kids anywhere. I told him it had to be members of his family I knew that handled the kids and if he had to work again on a weekend that was his to let me have the kids. Was not long after that she was gone and he had another girlfriend.

I think it was when they found out they were getting a step mom and step siblings that was the hardest for them. I just let them talk their feelings out to me and hugged them. I could not tell their dad what to do in his life and in his house.

I think that you are doing the best you can with what is going on. Just keep on doing that. Also keep on informing him of how the child feels about this. Its been about six months. Maybe he is starting to get serious with this one, I do not know for sure, but if he is that may be why he is introducing her to your daughter. Remind him that though he has a girlfriend, she is just that until something more serious is going on. Also tell him how you feel about it. If you think its too soon tell him. He may not change his mind. Just do the best that you can.

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