caught fiancee with my mom, what should I do?

Rose - posted on 07/26/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )




My fiancee and I have two kids, we have been together for 8 years. I caught my mom giving him oral sex with they were both highly intoxicated. this is not the first time I caught hime with another women. the first time we were 19 and dating for a year. I have grown to trust him and love him deeply. He is a great father and a great boyfriend, helps more then i could have asked for. My mother was abused terribly growing up, she has not had any help; with any of her issues. since I was a teenager I believe she has lived her life through me. question about supper or any questions at all, she would ask me. I have a little sister that I have taken care of as well. I have taken care of both of them until three years ago when my fiancee and I moved on our own. My mother has always been jealous for me, watching him and accusing him of being with other women, making me think he was doing wrong... My mother is more like my daughter, when I moved out she was torn, I did not go to college because I was not supported or helped by her. I believe my mom was living her life through me. I love my fiancee and he loves us. He is crying like he has lost a loved one, and he has but I dont feel in my heart i can leave. I feel our love is soo strong. I am devasted and still in shock. I have a feeling that after counselling we will be able to repair our relationship. although my mother who is suppose to be my protector but I feel like I am hers, I have no intention on letting her win by taking my whole life from me once and for all. I need help


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Krista - posted on 07/26/2012




I'd write them both out of my lives altogether. The image of what you caught them doing would be forever burned in my brain, and I would never trust either of them again.

But, if you're determined, for some reason, to work things out with him, then yeah, he has to come to counselling with you PRONTO, and never let a drop of alcohol touch his lips ever again.

I think your mom's a write-off, though. She's done nothing but tear you down and hurt you. Why have someone like that in your life?

Dove - posted on 07/26/2012




If it were ME.... He'd be out of the house for quite a while, quit drinking completely, and go to counseling with me to see if we could start our relationship over from scratch. The mother would be out of my life until she quit drinking and received some serious counseling... at the very least.

Kelina - posted on 07/26/2012




How does he feel about giving up drinking? at least getting drunk. If you feel it's something the two of you can work through then find a counsellor but try not to let him off the hook too easily. He's going to have to earn your trust back. As for your mom-family counselling might be a good idea, but if she's unwilling either set boundaries or wait to contact her again until you're ready to deal with her. right now you have enough on your plate. I had to learn how to stand up for myself and not let my mom manipulate me when I moved out and that took time. It will for you too.

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