Cell

Jacqueline - posted on 06/07/2016 ( 18 moms have responded )

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My son is 14 years old I'm tried to get him stop using his cell but he does not understand he does well at school. And he is a wonderful son but im a single mom and I recognize that im to soft with him .

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Ev - posted on 06/09/2016

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Nadine--you have hit the basis of it all. A lot of posts on here have been about kids use of phones and what mom should do about it. Usually it is too much time, some has been about inappropriate uses, and other things. The parents think it is okay to let the kids go with the phone and find out later John or Jane have been going on porn sites, getting inappropriate in their texting or pictures, or trying to meet up with people too old for them online via a phone, tablet or PC. Then they wonder how it happened. It is as you said---you taught your kids the right way to use tech devices though you still need to guide them with it. And that is what parents are not doing. They are not teaching the kids the right uses of tech and internet. Then they do not monitor it. I was lucky that I had kids that did not desire phones or PC's or other tech too much. They knew they would need a phone after high school for the job or other things that are necessary as an adult. My son did loose internet for a while because he did not follow rules and it was a long time before he got the rights back to use it. I think the point here is really that parents need to set the rules and stick to them and make sure they educate the kids on what is out there and guide them and monitor the use of said devices.

Nadine - posted on 06/09/2016

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Funny, I thought of this last night when my son came in a half hour early for curfew, not because he was done, but because his phone beeped that he was down to his last 5% and he knows that his cellphone battery dying is not an excuse to me not being able to reach him.
I would absolutely concur that cellphone, facebook, twitter, etc can become an obsession, what I completely disagree with is this attitude that somehow it is the fault of the technology when children are not following the rules attached to their cell phones. If you let them get away with it, then throw up your hands about how rude your kid is, because they are always on their cellphone, well, still not technologies fault. Kids do forget rules, and as parents it is up to us to give them consequences.
I am a techie myself. I love technology, and use the tools, and teach my kid how to use tools appropriately. After all, technology is going no where.

Jodi - posted on 06/09/2016

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My 11 year old has an old flip type phone that will call and text. It will link to our wifi at home for the texting. But it is prepaid, so I just buy $30 credit for it as needed. She is only allowed to use it minimally. Before my son had his first job when he was 15, he also just had a basic phone with basic prepaid credit.

Sarah - posted on 06/08/2016

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Jodi, do you allow a regular cell phone? Or a pay as you go? At 14 it was sort of a right passage into high school for us, and it is an easy target when they are disobedient. My 12 yo uses the tracfone, but mostly so she can reach me from sports practices or if she's out and about on her bike.

Jodi - posted on 06/08/2016

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No smart phones in my house until you have a job to pay for your own :P So really, for my kids, it is when they are nearly 15. And yet, already, my 11 year old is being taunted by a "friend" for not having Snapchat or Instagram.

Sarah - posted on 06/08/2016

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I agree with both of you. Nadine I absolutely concur that manners, etiquette, polite face to face conversation and social graces must be taught and enforced by parents. I have worked hard to raise kids in a community where their friends had smartphones in 3rd grade! Waiting until 14 seemed impossible to my kids at times. I allowed the kids to use my phone, or they could call someone from the landline. I wanted to raise kids who could look an adult in the eye and have a conversation, or talk out a problem with a friend face to face.
However, I do agree with Evelyn that what may have been unacceptable or impossible in the past, has become the new social norm. My own nephew asked a girl to prom via text! I missed a baby shower because I never saw the Evite! A shower for my niece-in-law and no one thought to call or ask me if I was coming because they assumed I got the electronic invitation. My kids email their teachers over things that I would have expected them to ask face to face; like an extension for an assignment and they do so at the teachers request. Now, a question about a topic I understand but to ask for a special concession, IMO should come from the student personally.
Finding a balance can be tricky when a huge percentage of the population is held captive by their tech devices. My pediatrician just saw my 17 yo daughter for an athletic physical and a portion of her visit was about cell phone use; texting and driving, using the GPS function safely and she even discussed texting while walking! It seems a new trend that people are so fixated on their device that they just walk right out into traffic! I miss the days when all I had to limit was the TV!

Ev - posted on 06/08/2016

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Nadine--It is fine. It should be clear that it seems like everyone from kids to adults are glued to their devices. Everywhere I go from the store to eating at my favorite restaurants....people have out their phones or tablets and are not paying attention to their companions or families. Moms stand in the parking lot looking at a screen instead of paying attention to their kids. Kids walk and do not look where they go. People drive and text or look at the screen vs paying attention to what they need to do. But more to the face to face type things---they sit at the restaurant and look at screens and do not interact. People give the cashier dirty looks when she or he tries to get the customer's attention about the transaction. That is what I meant.

Nadine - posted on 06/08/2016

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Fair enough, Evelyn, I must have misinterpreted your saying : "No one wants to do face to face conversations anymore. No one wants to put down the devices to interact unless it is on the device." I am not really sure what you meant by that, but I apologize for my end of the miscommunication.

When I say "your kid" I did not mean you directly, but people who are complaining about their kid's bad habits.

Ev - posted on 06/08/2016

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Nadine--I see a lot of people using their phones and where I live it is a majority be it an adult, teen or child. And they can be used to teach manners like the when, where, why and how a phone should be used. That is teaching manners. Also, I never said 100 percent of people were bad about using their phones. I know a lot of people have no manners or social graces without the phones. I also taught my kids about the right use of electronics, internet, and phones. In fact, both are adults and neither wanted a phone as a teen as they did not see the need in it like a lot of their friends did. My daughter got one right before heading to college because she was going to be away. My son got one because I bought it and put the prepaid time on it and it had only my number, dad's number, sis's number, and grandparents numbers plus two adult family friends. He talked mostly to me on it and then added his best friend in school later but did not use his time too much because he only had 1000 minutes a month to use for both talk and text. Today he is very good with his phone only using it when he has to. He was the one that got into video games in his teens and did not have a game system of his own until 14 and had limited types of games allowed until he reached a mature age to get those geared to adults. Sometimes if i knew that game well enough and it was mature rated I would get it for him because he was not 18 yet. He learned to manage his time on his own too and I guided him. But for the most part, kids never needed phones in the first place.

Nadine - posted on 06/08/2016

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You are right about that, they do not help. It is a device intended for communication, not a tool to teach our children manners. I personally deal face to face with people every day, and although I have met people like you seem to think everyone is, I find them to be in a minority. If your child is glued to their phone, it is 100% on you as the parent to teach them the priority of electronics. Just like you can't blame video games for a child's bad grades, you cannot blame the phone for your kid's bad manners.

Ev - posted on 06/08/2016

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Umm...they do not help either. Kids are so glued to their tech devices that they forget the things taught them if parents do teach them that. What is on that device is so much more important. It is also true of adults. They go right to the device be it a phone or something else. No one wants to do face to face conversations anymore. No one wants to put down the devices to interact unless it is on the device.

Nadine - posted on 06/08/2016

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Cell phones have nothing to do with a lack of social graces. Rude people have existed long before cell phones. Manners are learned, generally from the parents. Technology is a tool, not a behavioral cause. Just like video games and television do not cause obesity, cellphones do not cause your child to lack manners.

Ev - posted on 06/08/2016

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I agree. Whoever thought that kids needed a cell phone a long time ago was nuts. I never had a phone because they were not in existence yet or too expensive to have. Also, cell phones have really deprived our kids of learning the social graces along with manners unless the parents are adamant about teaching them.

Nadine - posted on 06/08/2016

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I had simple rules when I got my son his cellphone. One of the biggies was, when it is me on the other end of that phone you bloody well answer, or, if impossible, call me back ASAP. That is the only rule he ever broke, and he lost his phone for that month, which meant he had to stay on our street, because I could not get a hold of him, or tell me exactly where he would be and when he is back. It drove him crazy after the freedom a cell phone allowed him. But I pay his cell bill, so unless he had the money to shell out for his own, he follows those rules. It is simple respect.

Dove - posted on 06/07/2016

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If you have outlined limits for the phone and he is not abiding by them... you take the phone away. It is good for him to understand your reasoning as that teaches him how to make his own wise decisions in the future... but he does not need to understand to comply. Noncompliance simply is not an option.

Michelle - posted on 06/07/2016

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I agree with the others, you are the parent and you make the rules.
I have been a single parent and it's not an excuse not to discipline your children. My kids know the rules and the consequences for not following them. Stop making excuses and start being a parent.

Sarah - posted on 06/07/2016

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My kids each got a smartphone for their birthday. They are restricted in hours of use and what they use them for. No social media, no deleting texts, and I know cause I see the usage for each line. The phones either get turned off or plugged in at bedtime. Any use past bedtime results in loss of phone. No one NEEDS a cell phone. My 12 yo the last of the bunch still presses on with a cheap tracfone, a good and cheap way to help them budget texting and calling.

Jodi - posted on 06/07/2016

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You can't have tried very hard. You need to set boundaries around the use of his devices and then stick to them. You know, you CAN take it from him if he isn't following the rules you have set. THAT is an option.

Saying you are a single mum as an excuse for being soft on him is a cop out.

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