Cheated, used, fail parenting,..im considering just moving away..

User - posted on 02/13/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Ok so ill try and cut this as short as possible with out making it to 'attention seeking'. Iv only spoken too my family and close friends who of course will be on my side with this issue, i need an objective response from the out side, but also from other parents.

So here goes. I was 16 years old when i caught pregnant with Thomas, Sean (his farther) and I had been child hood sweet hearts since i was 14. Sean was a 'bad boy' chavy, and charming, no real job and was two years older than me, he was a ladies man and had no problem with finding girls who were willing too do everything apart from jump off a building for him. I was so scared he would run that i forced my self too pretend the pregnancy did not exist. I dropped hints about my cycle not being around, about not smoking or drinking, about what it would be like too have a child, in the end at 4 months pregnant tiny bump and all, i gave up trying too show him and just stopped. 4months one week pregnant he dumped me, too this day i cant remember why. We stayed sleeping together as i could just not say no, i needed him, even if that was all he needed me for, i tried too talk too him, and all he would say is i love you but i cant be with you. i think he got bored. He slept with a girl called Lisa a week later and invited me down too his house too meet her the night she stayed. I was devastated to the point where my body went in to laborer and thomas was born at 5 months and 2 weeks, they could not ventilate and he died. After phone abuse saying i had tried to kill my self from both sean and lisa i finally told him it was a baby not a suicide attempt, i dont no what he thought but he did not come to the funeral he didnt see lisa again either. I took him back a few weeks after the funeral thinking we were young and i needed him to be there with me as i grieved over our lost son. 2 years later i caught with Connor my now 6 yr old. I got so sick of sean lying around the house, no job, no life, me paying for everything, that i told him to get a job or move back to his moms for a few days and think about stuff, needless to say he went 'to think' Though to him this meant id dumped him, i was very clear that i loved him and to come home in a few days but that i just needed a bit of space to relax. He decided this was the time to sleep with lisa again... being the mug i am and for our son i tried to make it work one last time. 'we will see how it goes' i said, were not together and you dont live with me, but a few meals here and there, a few films and days out with connor and see if the bond, or love still exists.. well he bloody did it again didnt he. Lisa now has a beautiful daughter leyla, she is the spit of sean. sean denied her existence and has never met her, still even protests that it cant be true. im a parent, im not stupid, lisa has confirmed dates with me and im hurt, but over it now. the main questions i wanted answering are, connor comes home from his dad's saying daddy doesnt get up with me, grandad does, and that his dad doesnt get up till dinner time, sean only gets him at bed time friday night and brings him back sat afternoon. he never leaves the house with him, never takes him to see other children, to the park, he sitts him in front of the tv for hours or vidio games that are violent and much too old for him, he swares or uses violent language in front of him, feeds him junk food and smokes round him. Im sick of my poor son going there and waisting his weekends doing nothing. I want to move away with my partner (who is perfect, steady job, savings, great with finances, excellent role model for connor, loves him to bits, perfect man!!) How bad a person would i be if i upped and left with out telling sean. I want this man out of my childs life, he is no good for him!!! any advise would be welcomed xx

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User - posted on 02/13/2012

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the brilliant thing is hes not on the birth certificate and connor has my last name, sean also has never payed me a penny for our son. in 6 years. so i figure hes never gonig to have a leg to stand on and if he doesnt no where i am.. well what can he do? thankyou for your post. much appreciated xx

Tara - posted on 02/13/2012

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Depending on the law in your area you may not be able to just "up and move" without telling him. That said, I think that absolutely limiting his contact with your son or removing him from your son's life completely would be a very good choice.



What I would suggest you do is document everything (the fact that your son's grandfather is the one taking care of him during his visits, the fact that your son's father doesn't actually do anything with him, that there is behavior you don't think is safe or ok for your son happening, etc) - talk to a lawyer, find out what you need to do in order to move and keep your son away from his father (or, if you can't do that, supervised visits and limited contact) although I would suggest that you consider keeping his grandfather in his life because his granddad sounds like he is at least trying.

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