Cheating

Lorraine - posted on 01/06/2016 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My partner cheated with a colleague and they had a child. He and I stayed together and it was hard. I threw it in his face all the time. He had no contact with her for 3 yrs then I discovered txts to he'd planning a trip to the zoo and some were flirty, again I was hurt he never spoke to me first. All in all for the lay 3 yrs he has sneaked about and lied to me. 3 wks ago I discovered he was being intimate with her. It turns out he was lying to both of us and saying what we wanted to hear. I asked him to leave and I miss him as I still love him. He has always been a cheat but I am the only one he has stayed with his norm is to cheat and move in with the new woman. He appears to be heartbroken that I kicked him out and we are texting some are nasty some are nice and he claims its me he lives. I am reeling from this and although I love him I don't know if I should move on. Please help me as I'm lost right now.

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Jodi - posted on 01/06/2016

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It sounds like he has absolutely no intentions of changing. Why would you tolerate this? I could understand if he was in contact with the woman in order to have a relationship with his child, but a relationship with her...no.

Right now, considering keeping him even though you know he has always been a cheat (and likely will continue to be), you are devaluing yourself. You are better than that. Time to tell him you've decided to move on. If you are finding that difficult, it is amazing how a therapist can help you. Take back your life, take back your self-esteem and move on.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/06/2016

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Oh my. Have any kids with this oh so spectacular version of the opposite sex? If not, why in the bloody hell are you putting up with the crap?????

He's got his cake, and he's eating it.

I will say this, though...You have absolutely NO right to dictate whether or not he has contact with HIS CHILD.

Raye - posted on 01/06/2016

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You want to know why it happened? Because he wanted to. Plain and simple. Even when drunk, if your partner had true love and respect for you, he wouldn't fall into bed with someone else. Alcohol usually amplifies our natural tendencies. Why did he lie and keep cheating... because he wanted to and he could get away with it. There's a pattern, that is not likely to change. As I said, you either accept it and live with it knowing it will happen and being ok with that, or move on.

Lorraine - posted on 01/06/2016

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I cast it up cos he could not tell me why it happened. He claimed to be happy with me and it was drunken rows. For 4 yrs he has led a double life.

Raye - posted on 01/06/2016

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Lets see... you threw it in his face all the time, which means you never really forgave him or got past it. Getting constant negativity from you, he turned to someone else for comfort... someone he has a history with and a child. Hmmm... sounds like neither of you were very respectful of the other. I'm not blaming you, as I feel cheating is NEVER the answer. But you may not be completely innocent here.

He should have a relationship with his child. And that will mean that the child's mother will always be in his life (and yours if you stay together). As the other moms have said, you need to determine whether you can either: live with an "open relationship" where he has sex with other women, or try to make him commit to a monogamous relationship but live in fear that he will cheat again (cause he most likely will). If you can't do either of these, then you need to get let go and find someone who loves you enough to treat you right.

My advice... move on.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/06/2016

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He has a child with this women. He will forever be bound to her regardless of his feelings for you, or what he tells you. You chose to take him back knowing he had a baby with her. The child should not be punished for his infidelity

Do you have children with this man? If so, please seek child support and work out a custody agreement through the court system.

You can love this man, but That will not change his ways, and he will not stop cheating. I am sorry. If you take him back again, what do you think would possibly be different this time? He has a right to see his child, and he should build a relationship with his kid. That means he WILL have contact with this other women. Are you willing to go through this again? Are you willing to continue to be cheated on or living in the fear that he will? Can you ever trust him again?

Chantel - posted on 01/06/2016

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Honestly, if you knew he has always been a cheat then you should put mind over matter and accept him for the cheat that he is, however I don't think a multiple relationship with him and how many others would be healthy. I know it's easier said than done but sometimes the hardest decisions leads to success and happiness.
Defy the word love? You know what you have to do, you''re just scared of the change.
Remember you are in charge of how you think, change your mindset and you'll move on just fine. write down all the positives and negatives and be wise enough to make the right decision even if it hurts like hell.

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