DeserRai - posted on 05/31/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )
I just want to share my story with you and hope it may help you. I won't go into great details of the actual incident out of respect for my husband.
A few years ago, our marriage hit a pretty big bump in the road. Big enough to bring up divorce. Unfaithfulness. Very damaging to a relationship and to the people in it. By this point we had been together for four years and married for one year. I can remember crying for days and asking myself if I'm not good enough? After all we did met in high school, we were each other's first, maybe he was tired of me. Divorce ran through my head many times and I even went to the courthouse to get information about the process. It was a really difficult time to try to process things especially since he was two states over for military school.
When he came home things weren't how I pictured it would be a few months earlier. I had a few weeks to decide whether to stay or leave with him. Well, he was my husband and I did make a vow. So I packed and left our home in AZ and we moved to AK where he was stationed. It was a hard month here...and then we found out we we're going to parents.
That news put everything on hold. We forgot about our problems and set them aside. We enjoyed an almost completely ignorant and blissful nine months. Once our son was born, all those unresolved problems came flooding through like a dam had broken. The biggest problem was that I didn't trust him. I didn't like it when he went out and especially hated it the two times I went back home to visit family.
Jealously is a horrible feeling. It feels like a heavy sickening pit in your stomach, weighing you down, your heart racing away and you feel like your going be sick, pass out. Every phone call, every text, all those feelings would go through me. Who is that? Is it a girl? Do you talk to her? Why are you talking to her? I don't know about you but I hated feeling like this. This was not me. The person I once knew as me was replaced with someone who held onto hate hurt; was bitter and slipping further away from the person I wanted to be. We fought constantly.
For years, he had been trying to regain my trust and although I knew he was trying, I didn't care. I couldn't trust him. I began to ask myself if I did the right thing staying with him. I love my son and would never change that but I hated him seeing us fight; not being the parents I wanted for him. A few months back he was told he was deploying and to be honest, it was the best news I could have gotten. I was happy I was going to get away from him for awhile. I began thinking that maybe divorce was the best thing. After all, we were basically just putting up an act for everyone. A couple nights before he left we had a long talk. We decided that this would be a good time to essentially talk a break from each other. To think about what we want and who we are and so on.
About a week into the deployment I get a call from the husband. We shared some chit chat, he talked to our son, who is 13 months, and tells me about his weekend and day. He told me that there was a fellow soldier trying to get him to "chat up" some women and told him "he made a mistake getting married young" and "it's only one night and we're away" He told me that he told him whatever and that he wasn't going to do any of that and so on. I really didn't know what to think of it. I was pretty busy that day and had a lot to do, so I probably didn't have the engergy to think about it too much. Later that night I had a chance to talk about it with some ladies and through the conversation I began to realize I believed my husband. I believed what he said and that he didn't play into the games. It was like a slap in the face. A wake up call. I trusted him! At that moment I felt like a weight had been lifted off me and after the past few years, it felt good. I felt lighter. Happier. With him not being home, it gave me a chance to give myself the time needed to think everything over. I realized he is a good man that made a mistake. It's not who he is. He's apologized again and again and has done nothing but try to prove himself to me. I just couldn't accpet it at the time.
I can't really tell you what it was that all of sudden got me to this point. Talking with those ladies? Distance? I think the biggest thing was time. It's not going to happen over night. It'll take time. I'm lucky that he stuck by me through all these years trying to win back my trust and honestly, my love. I can't wait for him to come home. I'm not saying everything is fine and dandy now. I'm sure we'll still have things to work out but now we can move forward and that's a big victory. I can finally forgive him whole heartedly and begin the life we have wanted. Our son can now have the parents he deserves. My husband can now have the wife he fell in love with and I can begin to love myself again and most importantly, love him again.