Child/Adult

Angela - posted on 11/17/2017 ( 5 moms have responded )

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When is it OK to stop parenting your 18 yr old child, and just letting them make their own mistake? They are in college, not living at home, not doing drugs or drinking, but just not listening to advice! Why is it so hard?

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Michelle - posted on 11/17/2017

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I advise you don't give advice unless it's asked for. They need to learn to live in the world by themselves and the fact that they aren't listening to your advice shows they don't want it.
They will make mistakes but that's how we learn.

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Sarah - posted on 11/19/2017

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Amy- That poem is lovely and exactly how I am feeling; two just out of the house and two more to go....

Amy - posted on 11/19/2017

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I’m a older mom with kids ranging from 22 to 37. It’s time for them to become a butterfly. They’ve been in your cocoon and now they have wings. I believe the ages between 18-25 for girls/young women is a time you develop a trust with one another that’s very adult. Hopefully they can share or choose not to share with confidence with you. With that trust, you RESPECTFULLY GUIDE. Let them learn from their mistakes. Which includes consequences from you and from the World. My advice is the same for boys/young men but add two years. They seem to take longer. It’s not easy. I miss my kids terribly. Here’s a poem that helps me. Kahlil Gibran wrote, "Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable."

Roberta - posted on 11/18/2017

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Oh my, I'm in the same place. My son is a sophomore in college and doesn't follow through or take my advice either. I know he's enjoying his freedom and thinks he's #adulting but when he screws up then he wants our help. Which of course I would freely give, but sometimes I stop myself. I give him my advice and tell him I trust him to figure it out. I also try to let him suffer some of his own consequences. For instance he registered late for his classes (after I stayed on him about it and he didn't do it), I made him pay the late fee. I also have a 23.5 year old and she listens sometimes and other times she tries to do the #adulting thing. I'm here for them both when they need me. But I realize they need learn to make their own decisions. I pray, pray and pray some more for them all day everyday. I trust that God loves and takes care of them even more than I do.

Sarah - posted on 11/17/2017

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I have two kids off at school now. The eldest is at West Point (third year) so he rarely needs nor wants my help or advice. My daughter, 18 is a new freshman in college. She text and calls for help with lots of things; her scholarship did not disburse on time and she did not know what to do, her roommate never arrived and she was having trouble finding friends, her volleyball knee pad ripped (she is there partly on athletic scholarship); she needs to prove she was vaccinated for this and that...those are a few examples. i don't step in to fix it but i make suggestions: call the financial aid dept, leave your door open so people will peek in, ask the coach for loaner pads and order some online and call the pediatrician and ask them to fax a record of your vaccines. Then I let her figure it out.
What sort of advice or info are you trying to give? i sorta nudged my baby birds out of the nest and let them try to fly; if I see they are gonna crash I sometimes step in. In the vaccination example she should not go to class with out proof so I did get involved.

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