Child cursing

DeLores - posted on 03/04/2010 ( 23 moms have responded )

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My Boyfriend's three year old daughter just recently started saying the word " dumba**" in her daycare and at her mothers... My boyfriend doesn't use that word and his ex wife says she doesn't either... we have already tried to replace the word, spankings, and against my boyfriend's and my wishes... His ex wife tried soap... My BF has custody of her and we would like to find a good way to get this bad word thing handled.... any suggestions?

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TealRose - posted on 04/02/2011

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Easy - ignore it. The more stress you place on it .. the more exciting it becomes.. and at THREE that is such fun!

Hot sauce damages children's mouths - causes blisters and burning. It can also damage permanently their oesophagus and stomach lining. Both soap [that froths and chokes and kills children every year] and hot sauce are chemical warfare and dangerous and should never be used on a child. The fact you 'only use a drop' is not the point - it's dangerous ... Usually a child will stop using bad words when you stop reacting to it.

Marcia - posted on 03/06/2010

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aks her what she thinks the word means then find a better word and tell her it is a better way to express what she needs to say!

Amanda - posted on 03/06/2010

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I would just ignore it. By making a big deal about it your just giving her attention. Even though its negitive attention its still attenition. Try making a big deal about the things that you want her to do and she may just quit using it all together because shes getting the attention from something else. Not saying your not giving your kid attention but this is something thats shes getting alot of it from. So my advice is just ignore it and see what happens.

Audra - posted on 03/06/2010

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Pretend like you don't hear her say it, like its no big deal and she will forget it and stop especially if she isn't hearing it from either parent to remind her

Trina - posted on 03/06/2010

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consistency in redirecting the negative and given the reason why we don't use curse words. It is rude and God says love is never rude. It shows disrespect for others and God says we are to be kind to each other. When she uses it, immediately remove her from everyone and put her into isolation for a time explaining that when she can speak using kind words she can join the family. Keep telling her it is inappropriate andunacceptable for a young lady. If she uses it directed at someone she should have to ask them to forgive her for being unkind.

Narelle - posted on 03/06/2010

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Hi If she is only 3 she will probably grow out of it. so dont make such a big deal, in my experience which is three children, we just ignored bad behaviour and rewarde good. good luck i miss my kids being that young. they are now 25,23 and 18. another thing if she says the word distract her with playing with another toy or i found drawing a good one. good luck. Narelle.

Apryl - posted on 03/05/2010

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to be honest sometimes toddlers dont always repeat the words they hear at home you guys dont say that word so she probably thought it was different and repeated something shes never heard but i would just ignore it if nothing else is working when she says it no reaction will make her stop and she'll find a new word to make a big reaction

Laura - posted on 03/05/2010

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i agree with ignoring at times..but i eventually turned to my daughter now 6 then 4..and said she didn't look very pretty like a princess when she said those kind of bad words..it seemed to work but every stage they go through it 's a new word..shes probley thinking oh..i heard it..i said it and they laughed..except for her teacher...honestly it is funny to hear it from their little mouths but you have to hold back or turn your head...lol but hang in there all advice is worth hearing then you'll come up with something that works for you and her...Good luck,hope this helps..

Josina - posted on 03/05/2010

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My 3 yr old has said a few choice words lately. When he drops something he says "oh s**t" I told him that we say oh shoot and try not to give a big reaction it seems to be working.

DeLores - posted on 03/05/2010

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Thank you all for your help... I will let you all know how it goes and what finally works... I do know that I do not agree with the soap method and am not liking the ideaof spankings... so we will see... thank you all

Sara - posted on 03/05/2010

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Honestly, I wouldn't worry that much about it. Both of my kids went through that phase and the best advice is what has been said several times already. Clearly state to her that word is not nice and explain (in terms she can understand) why. Then if she uses it do not give any more than a casual response (ie "Honey that's not nice, remember?") At her age she is exploring language AND boundaries, so you need to make sure she knows it is not right, but not by allowing it to elicit a huge reaction. I would also take the time to talk to her teacher and find out why she was so adversely affected by it and how she is handling the situation. Not allowing her back to school based on normal toddler behavior is simply ridiculous. Anyone with even minimal kowledge of child psychology knows that extradition is one of the most negative things you can do to a child in their formative years. She is not causing any harm to herself or others, and any daycare worth their salt should be able to handle a common situation such as this with more understanding. Don't allow them to villify you or her father. This is not anyone's fault. It is NORMAL.

Claire - posted on 03/05/2010

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I went though this with both my older girls at roughly the same age when neither me or part partner would swear around them. I found the best thing to do was ignore it and after time it will pass as a phase. She has prob picked it up from nursary or from tv and dosent even know what she is saying. Just dont respond to it and when she no longer gets any attention from saying it she is more than likely to stop using it.
The trouble will really start when she reaches an age where she knows what bad words mean!!!!! Good luck hun x

DeLores - posted on 03/04/2010

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She wouldnt stop saying it until the teacher paid attention to her.. she said it over and over and they told us that if she says it again... she wont be allowed back

Kate CP - posted on 03/04/2010

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Dumb ass made the woman cry? I can't even fathom that. Did the kid call HER a dumb ass? Cause that's a whole new problem.

Christine - posted on 03/04/2010

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what I did with my son was sit him down and explain to him that those are mommy and daddy words and until he was a daddy he was not allowed to use them. I have only heard him use them a couple of times after that, but he knows the difference now.

Iridescent - posted on 03/04/2010

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You're serious her teacher cried over a word that has absolutely no strong affiliation with it? I could think of words that would be tempting to cry for, depending on their use, but that is not one of them.

You've already encouraged her to use it by punishing her for it. It seems odd, but it's very true. We swear in our house, quite regularly. My children know the meanings of the swear words as well. They also swear. But only in appropriate situations (saying "dam* it" when they hurt themselves, for example, but we will not tolerate calling people names with them). The way I see it is - you grow up not allowed to swear. As a teen, swearing is a novelty to use with friends when your parents can't hear because it's "cool". Then you're an adult and swearing is even better because you can use it when you want, where you want. This system makes for a LOT of mouthy people!

You say she goes to a Christian school. Doesn't her teacher read her bible? The ONLY word off limits is taking the lord's name (Jehovah) in vain! Was she doing this? No. So why are you punishing her as you are? If it's such a big deal, ask the teacher why she's making new rules based on what she wants vs what the bible states.

DeLores - posted on 03/04/2010

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dumb a$$ is the word she has been saying... she made her Christian school teacher cry

Kate CP - posted on 03/04/2010

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Guys, she censored the curse word her toddler is using. The kid is saying dumb ass.

Kate CP - posted on 03/04/2010

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Wow! Boy, that's a cool word! Look how worked up everyone gets when I say it! It must be a REALLY important word! That's what the three year old is thinking. How to solve this problem? Quit making such a big deal out of it. Just tell her "That word hurts people's feelings and I don't like it" and leave it at that. When she realizes she's not getting the same HUGE reaction from using it the word will disappear from her vocabulary. And yes, I've done this with my own kid. Let's just say that her grandma isn't all that good about filtering her language around her. :/

Jane - posted on 03/04/2010

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Hiya,
My 4 year old nephew has suddenly taken up a few choice words ( Shit and the F Word). I asked where he learnt it and he said from some kid in his kindy class!! Suffice to say I was shocked but all I said was "Don't say that mate, that's not nice", and now when he says it ( which is only occasionally ), we usually just ignore him or don't make a big deal out of it, as he is just looking for a reaction, and we figure, if he doesn't get one, then the novelty will wear off and he won't say it anymore!! That's our theory anyway !! Best of luck x x

Abbie - posted on 03/04/2010

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She is 3! and its dumba............. first off what is dumba? Do you know? Are you positive she isn't saying something wrong? I think its a extreme to spank!!!!!! and Soap really? What is going to be done if she says shit? or something worse, gonna dunk her in hot wax?

I would ignore it; it will probably pass. Or would have but now that she gets attention from it; you can bet she will keep on using it.

Sneaky - posted on 03/04/2010

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My toddler bible (an Australian book called 'toddler taming') told me to just ignore the 'naughty' words. If the toddler does not get any reaction or attention for saying something, they will stop saying it. Acting surprised (or horrified!), telling her not to say it, spankings and soap are all giving her ATTENTION and thus REWARDING her for saying it. My toddler bible calls this NEGATIVE reinforcement. You could try POSITIVE reinforcement which would mean focusing on the things that you like her to do (eg saying please and thank you, etc) and making a really big deal out of how proud and happy you are when she says or does those things. Good luck!

Tcordukes - posted on 03/04/2010

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I'm not quite sure what dumba means or how it's a bad word. however... i found that not bringing any attention to what u dont want her to say. or ask her what the word means i did that with my daughter once i didn't quite catch what she said so i asked her that she didn't know what it ment so i just said, if u don;t know what the word means then don't say it..

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