Leslie - posted on 09/04/2012 ( no moms have responded yet )
Well I guess I am just looking for support or guidance. I have a beautiful 2 1/2 year old little girl. Her father signed the birth cert but she has my last name. I was with her dad for 4 years all of which he struggled with alcohol and pot. He came from a broken home and his father was really abusive but his mother was absent. So of course like most he has a connection to his abuser. All of our relationship I tried to help him and show him a different way to live but it never worked. So when I had my daughter he swore he was going to change in which he did not. I kicked him out when she was a little over a month old. I didnt go to court until she was 6 months old. I was awarded sole legal and physical custody. He has supervised visits with my parents 3 times a week. For the 2 years he only exercised maybe 20 never calling or texting or anything saying he was not coming so my dad would wait around with my daughter until an hour in when the visits are considered cancelled. Pretty much he has had addictions to pot and alcohol for all of his adult life. He was in rehab when he was 18 and he is now 25 he gave up some of the drugs but not all. In August of 2011 he came to my home and I noticed my engagement ring and my daughters piggy banks missing. He was the only person who knew where they had been stashed. So its pretty clear as to who took them. When I called him in regards to them he then threatened to kill me and my family. I called the cops and a report was made. The officer attempted to contact him and tell him to stop harassing me, in which he hung up on the officer. A few days later I changed my number. He still had all of my familys number and my work numbers so could get ahold of me. It just put a stop to his harrassing text messages whenever he had a bad day. Well going on over the last year he came to 6 visits. Up until July. Now he is showing maybe 2 of the 3 he has missed 4 in a row but he is more regular with his attendance than he has been. But my parents work schedule has changed in the past 2 years and it was not a problem because he never showed. I did inform him of the change. So he starts showing up again and one Thursday no one was available to take her to the visit so he said he was going to hold my parents in contempt for not following the court order. So I went to the attorney and they filed to have the orders changed. My attorney filed an ex-parte? not exactly sure why but he did asking that the visits be cancelled until he passed a drug test or have a paid supervisor. The judge said it was not an emergency and set us for mediation. In his response to the court he said for now he wanted paid supervised visits only if I was paying for them and later he would ask for 50/50. Of course he wrote lots of nice lies and tried to place all the blame on me saying I was trying to keep him from our daughter because I changed my phone number. Going back a little. In March for her b-day he asked if his family could visit which I said ok not knowing who the family was. It was him, his step mom, dad, little brother, younger potthead brother, his girlfriend, his girlfriends mother, and her sister. Ackward enough I went with my mother for the visit because she was overwhelmed. I stayed away from everyone except he wanted me to go play games with my daughter so she would play with him otherwise she was crying for her mommy. I did it was whatever. At the end of the visit he cried begging for us to be a family again and so on and so forth. In April he called to say sorry for cheating because his girlfriend cheated on him. In May he called asking for our daughters old baby clothes because his girlfriend was prego and in June he called saying he moved back to his dads to get his life in order cause he had one to many near death experiences. In Dec of 2011 a mutual church friend informed me she knew he was selling drugs again. So moving forward. We went to mediation. In mediation he changed his mind and wants joint legal custody now. Not much was discussed about the visits except he wants his new wife and child to part of her life. Mediation pretty much for an hour was him getting very loud demanding never letting me get a word out everytime I tried to talk he would say that is in the past that is in the past. O and in his response to the court he did admit to taking the engagement ring because he simply took what was his. I guess i am just looking for advise. I can not imagine our daughter being in his home like I said he is back living with his father who on many occasions has beaten the crap out of him. And even hit me trying to get to him. The family loves to drink and that is what the spend most of the weekend doing. I just dont want that type of life for our daughter. I just dont know if the judge will see through his lies or if I should be prepared for the worst. The biggest concern in mediation for him was that our daughter calls my fiance daddy. Trust me that was weird for me too like I tried to explain but she is around children all the time who have a daddy and she started calling him daddy on her own. I tried many of times calling him by his name but she insisted that he was her daddy. She would pick up pictures of my fiance in his house (he is in the army) and run around hugging it saying my daddy. of course her real dad is very upset with this. But my fiance has been there with us for the past year, he loves her with all his heart and does everything for the both of us. I understand that it is upsetting to her biological dad but he has made his own choices. So now that his wife (got married in August) and he are expecting a child he wants to be the best daddy ever. My biggest problem is the safety of my daughter. He still has a pending bench warrant for a failure to appear on a traffic ticket that is 2 years old. He doesnt make good decisions in his own life I cant imagine what decisions he will try to make for her. Every visit he allows her to run around a public park barefoot. On one event he thought it would be funny to teach her a slapping game so she would hit him he would tap her back and needless to say she came home thinking it was ok to hit. When I asked him not to do that he said it was just funny. But he denied it to the court. Today he thought it was ok to write on her foot with black magic marker her name with a heart daddy. He is defiantly very immature and wants to still have control in my life. Up until this court case he was still calling me begging me to take him back. But of course now he says he never wanted me i am a liar and I cant accept he has moved on. I have the facebook messages of him pleading for me to come back and how he was so lost and he would never love another girl the way he did me. blah blah blah. He told the mediator he sent those messages as a way to trick me into letting him see our daughter... Ok I feel better already just writing about it. I just want advise and prayers that God's justice prevails. her dad thinks the more time he and his family have with her the less money he has to pay me. Its always been about the money. The only reason his child support was paid was because he was on unemployment up until the last month or so and now of course he is working under the table and not paying. He was ordered to pay half of her daycare and never has. He was also ordered to pay part of the attorney fees and if he missed 2 payments the entire amount would be paid in full. He wrote in his response he was still paying on that.... I have never received a dime. I have been the one who carries health, eye, and dental insurance for her, he never has. I am just afraid if the judge sides with him this is just going to be another way for him to control my life as he has always tried. I just dont know what to do.Mediation was not what I had expected nothing much was really said by the mediator except he would be giving the judge his recommendation and kept saying with no bias. The mediator did ask her father if he knew the difference between a daddy and a father. As well as told him if I had all of these concerns what was he doing to show that none of these really were concerns. But that was pretty much it. Not anything about our schedules, work, nothing of that form.... I just dont know what to expect when we go to court.