Child Custody confusion

Kberkebile92 - posted on 02/24/2016 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My son is 3 years old his father and I have not been together since he was 2 months old. In the beginning he didn't see him for 6 months then he started coming around to see his son but when he visited he seemed to be more concerned with me. When our son was old enough we decided to start meeting at a bounce place and as we watched our son we talked about working things out to get back together and after we discussed what had to chage and agreed to start dating again he said he had a gf currently and couldn't leave her because she may harm herself and that it may take a few months, I was not going to wait around to see if he ended it so we continued our visits and at first I had no problem with his gf until he told her we had tried to work things out and had been intimate while they were dating she sent me a few nasty texts and ever since then when he would visit our son she would tell me to leave or have him ask me to leave. During the summer we had moved our visits to a park near my home and he would come and see our son and I would sit at a table while they played we had no problems until after my son's 3rd birthday. For his 2nd I had a big party invited his whole family and all I heard was complaints about the presents my family got our son was showing off so this year my gram planned a small party that was my family and I figured my son's father could plan his own he found out about the party and during our next visit at the park he brought his gf and they both started in on me about the party so I put our son in the car and told his father I understand he is dating this woman but i do not have to listen to this and let him say goodbye to our son and I left. The next weekend I took our son to his father's mothers house so they could do family pictures all was well 2 days later our son developed a weird rash which was misdiagnosed by a Dr and with the return visit I was told it was Lyme disease and to have our son stay home as much as possible for 3-4 weeks while he took medication for it. I offered for his father to visit him at my home and he refused then when I had to cancel xmas dinner at his grandparents his father was angry with me but he agreed to come to my home Jan 2nd and other but he said he had to sneak up to see his son because his gf didn't want him at my home. Needless to say he never showed those 2 days then later says his car broke on Jan 4th. His father canceled Jan 16th and the 23rd was a snow storm I wouldn't take our son out in. From then until now our son has been to the dr 4 times in a month and each time he is diagnosed with something new but his father is making it seem as if I am making it up and that I've been saying our son has been sick for the past 3 months. I have written everything down in a calendar so I know what happened on what dates. I had a consultation with a lawyer a year or so ago and he said to not go for custody because without an order I am in control but now that it has been so long since he saw our son hesends me nasty messages and even sent me one saying he was going to put a bullet in his skull if he didn't see our son. I understand he wants to see our son but he refuses to meet me anywhere and only wants him alone at his new apartment. He has moved 4 or 5 times in 2 years and has gone through 3 or 4 jobs in a year or so. Do you ladies think court could be the best way to resolve this so his gf does not control when and where he sees our son?

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/25/2016

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What ACTUAL attorney would tell you to not go for custodial orders?

The answer? NOT an actual attorney, or if he did pass the bar, he's a very substandard one.

If you haven't gotten custody, support and visitation sorted in court, then EITHER of you can claim "control" of the child, and EITHER of you could take the child without the other's consent...and there'd be no way to fight it until you take it to court.

Go to court. Get this sorted. I'm not sure why you had sex with your child's father when you KNEW he was in another relationship, and I really don't care. That was a very poor decision on both of your parts, and the gf in that case had every reason to be pissed off. She doesn't have the right to treat you like crap, but you didn't really have the 'right' to have sex with the man she's in a relationship with, regardless of your past relationship with him.

Now, as far as the medical issues, if they ARE happening, you should have no problem getting the records and physician's explanation for your child's father. I'd recommend that you do that as well.

Bottom line: STOP having sex with your ex while he's in another relationship. GO TO COURT and get your orders sorted. STOP denying the child's father visitation with his son. You don't have that right, and you're denying the rights of your son.

MaryAnn - posted on 02/24/2016

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Go to court. Your lawyer is an idiot if he suggests otherwise. His girlfriend does not control what he does, he chooses to do as she wishes. You do not have the authority to say your son can not be with his father without you.
In regards to this girlfriend... You ARE the other woman. Dont expect her to be sunshine and rainbows. Think about how you would feel.
He sounds like kind of a loser, leading on two women- two mothers of his children. At some point or another, you will have to remember that she will be around. Even if things dont work for them. When you split with your coparenting partner, expect that there will be another parent, and maybe even other children. You dont get to make decisions for your ex- even regarding how (and where) he chooses to parent your child.

Jodi - posted on 02/24/2016

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IF your son cannot leave the house, and this is what you are telling the father, get a doctor's letter stating this. IF this is not the case, then the father has a right to see his son without you present. I'm sorry, but whatever that lawyer said, you don't get to deny his father time with his son without you around unless you have evidence that he may be a danger to the child. If you continue to deny him his rights, you may lose custody altogether if he takes you to court.

Ev - posted on 02/24/2016

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Dove has the right of it. The GF has no say in when or where or how or why dad visits his son. But to take the guesses out of it all, court orders for those things (custody, child support, and visitation) can make the difficult easier. I do not know why you did not go for it soon rather than waiting until now. You obviously did not get to go back to him because of this GF. He does not sound like a stable sort of guy to be involved with anyway if he is letting her control things. Get the court orders and it will sort out. And you should check into Family Law lawyers.

Dove - posted on 02/24/2016

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Of course court would be best. Having a court order for custody, visitation, and child support is always best because it takes the guess work out of everyone's rights and responsibilities. That lawyer was an idiot to not advise you to go to court... but then when you consult a lawyer I guess they are going to tell you what you want to hear... not what is best for your child... which is to have an equal opportunity at a relationship w/ BOTH parents... w/out the other parent interfering... unless one parent is deemed unfit by the courts.

Your son has every right to develop a relationship w/ his father w/out you present. Go to court and get orders in place to protect everyone.

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