Child Custody questions....

Natalie - posted on 05/10/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I filed for child support back in October of 2015 and they served my ex with papers. Well we had child support court on March 16th, 2016 he was ordered to pay $333 a month for my son. Then four days later he went and filed for joint custody. I filed against that and now we are suppose to have a temporary hearing tomorrow morning. Well he just go the papers yesterday and he talked to my lawyer and my lawyer is coming up with some sort of decree. I don't think my ex will agree to it because it states that he will only get visitation, every other weekend and every other holiday. The two things that I think he will flip out about it that it states that my son will not be staying overnights until the age of 2-3 and that if my son does stay overnights that his girlfriend can't stay the night at their house. I'm just so worried that this isn't going to go the way I want it to..... I'm in Oklahoma....
Has anyone went through something like this? Please help me understand it all.

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Ev - posted on 05/10/2016

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I have to agree with the others. You can offer all the choices you can come up with for custody/visitation and so on but in the end he will have to agree to it on his own or the judge will have to decide. If you want to add that the girl friend should not be in the house overnights then add it to the proposed visitation. But you can not dictate how he spends time with the child either. Not that it is good for a child to be exposed to girlfriends on a continued basis or anything else like that. You should have tried for custody and visitation at the same time of the child support really.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/10/2016

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I’m sorry to have to be the one to burst your bubble here, but you BOTH have equal rights to be parents to that child. YOU DO NOT get to dictate his level of involvement with his child, just as he does not get to dictate your level of involvement.

Your attorney can present a proposal, he cannot decree anything. The judge will decree. The judge will make the final decision, and you and your ex will both be expected to be adults and abide by the court’s decision. FYI, your ex always had the ability to petition custody, and I’m glad that he took that opportunity
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Why do you NOT want to foster the relationship between father and child? What are your reasons for attempting to deny access to your ex? Is it only because you're upset that he left for another?

Dove - posted on 05/10/2016

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None of that matters when it comes to him getting joint custody. By all means do not allow him unsupervised access until the court order is in place because of his threats and the advice of the lawyers, but no matter what has happened between the two of you it does not erase the fact that this man is his father and could very well be granted 50/50 custody of his child by a judge.

Natalie - posted on 05/10/2016

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I want him to see our son. Our relationship as a mother and a father are not great. He constantly tells everyone in our small town how terrible of a mother I am for not letting our son stay the night at his house. I was told my multiple lawyers before I even had him to not let my ex have our son because he could keep him and not have to give him back to me. He had made previous statements that made me worry about not seeing our son ever again.

Here's a little bit of our background story...
Me and my ex were together for about a month before I found out I was pregnant. I miscarried about a week and a half after I found out. Then about three weeks later I found out I was pregnant again. 4 days after finding out I was pregnant he left me for a girl he told me was his cousin. They are together as of now. He has told everyone in our town how bad of a person I am and how he never sees his son. And the truth is he has seen him 2-3 times a week and even puts pictures of them together on his facebook when he is at my house.

Dove - posted on 05/10/2016

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He has every right to petition the court for joint custody of his child. I can FULLY understand you wanting him w/ you because you are a mom and that's what our hearts desire... but his father legally and morally has the exact same amount of rights to have time w/ the child as you do (unless the courts determine otherwise).

What you are asking does seem perfectly reasonable to me at this time (given that it seems your child is currently under the age of 2), but if he does not agree to it then it is up to the judge to determine... and there's no guessing what a judge will decide here.

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