Child's Bio-dad might be looking to get back into the picture after...

Kenni - posted on 05/19/2015 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My son's biological dad, who only met my son once when he was 2 might be looking to try to make contact again or come back into the picture. I am not sure what I can do to prevent this from happening. He is not on his birth cert. nor has he ever filed for paternity. My fiancé has been planning on adopting my son after we get married and we have already checked to make sure that he can and since the bio never registered any where nor filed for paternity my fiance can. Any ideas on how to make sure the man my son calls Dad can adopt him?

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Ev - posted on 05/19/2015

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All I am saying is that you need to be sure that he is not going to try to do something all of a sudden and do it before or at the start of the process. It could still start something if he does. But if you were wanting that child support and all back then you would have been the one to start that process not him. And custody would have also been something you started not him if you wanted the custody to come to you. I have been through custody in court and its not easy to deal with let alone understand sometimes.

Kenni - posted on 05/19/2015

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It is a worry that I have. I don't have contact with him and haven't since last year. Just am getting close to the beginning of the adoption process and questions started rolling through my brain.

Kenni - posted on 05/19/2015

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The bio-dad is not around actively, never filed or proven paternity, custody or child support. I have already checked and an adoption can go through without his consent because at this point he has no rights.
According to my attorney if he protests during the process or after it has no bearing. If he tries to make contact or file before the process has started it may or may not effect the adoption.

Dove - posted on 05/19/2015

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It's really not too hard to explain to a 3 year old that he has a dad that helped make him and a dad that's helping to raise him. It can be a very hard situation to avoid all hurt, but the truth (in simple terms) is ALWAYS better than a lie.

You say he 'might' be wanting to come into the picture... Do you have any reason to think that is going to happen or is it just something you are worried about?

I don't have the same situation, so I'm not sure what more to offer. I do have experience w/ a practically nonexistent bio father for my kids, but he does have legal visitation rights and there is no potential for adoption by another man. My ex left us the day our third was born over 7 years ago and my son has only spent about 3 months total (all visitations added up together) w/ his father... and is about to see him for the first time in TWO years. Yes, there are quite a few emotional struggles involved, but it's not my 'job' to keep their father away. It's my job to help them accept the reality of their lives and help them to grow up to be well adjusted in spite of the struggles... and so far it's working out well.

Ev - posted on 05/19/2015

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I would not go through with an adoption by your partner until you are certain what the laws where you live say about this situation. I am not sure what most laws say about an adoption by the step parent when the bio parent is still around. if this man decides to push his rights and asks for visitation he could get it once he is proven the father. In that case the adoption would not be able to take place. You would also have to maybe ask the bio dad to sign his rights over to and that is another process as well. It might get sticky if you had done the adoption and the real dad stepped up and went to get that paternity test.

Kenni - posted on 05/19/2015

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My worry with that is that my son is only 3. He has never really known the man and I do not want him confused or hurt. Moral support/advise is what I am looking for or a mom who has maybe gone through something similar. I have spoken to an adoption attorney but did not think to ask her that question until now. I am currently waiting on her response.

Dove - posted on 05/19/2015

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What did your lawyer say about what will happen if bio father comes back and requests a paternity test... whether or not the adoption has already gone through? You will need legal advice from the lawyer and judge involved in your case... and not random women on the internet.

If you want MORAL advice.... your child has a right to know who his biological father is and to have a chance at a relationship w/ him if at all possible. If a relationship is NOT possible.. he at least deserves the truth and if he has that... it's totally OK for him to have a dad that isn't his biological father.

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