Child spacing

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I am a mother of a darling 9 month old. My hubbie and I would eventually really like another child and I was wondering what advice some more experienced mums might have for when to have a second child. I know that there is no single right answer, but I would sure appreciate some perspectives.

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Jess - posted on 03/28/2012

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hi im new to this site not sure how it works its telling me ive got to fill in child space and ive got reponses to threads but not a clue where they are help

Michelle - posted on 09/18/2009

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hi samantha, i have 3 children 12, 10, 5 3 girls!! the 12 and 10 yr olds get on lovely, it was hard work at first 2 years and 6 days between them, but they have grown up together. sophia the eldest, has never known me on her own saskia has always been there, and that is better i feel than how it is with katerina my 5 yr old. she is like an only child really, hasd had to play on her own or with me and i have found that the most demandin child of all, as it has only been me and her at home all day. its been nice to see hergrow and to have one on one with her, but i wish i had had another to keep her company and occupied. so i feel 2-3 years between children is by far the best.hope that helps.

[deleted account]

I had mine close in age and I wouldn't change a thing. It was hard in the beginning, but now that they are older, it's much easier! My kids are 16, 13, 12 and 9.

Keryn - posted on 09/17/2009

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Hi All,
Well i'm not sure what the answer to this is but we all would possibly have different views on spacing. Me i have a 5 children 13, 11, 9, 13 and a half months and a 3 month old. Although the first three were planned that way, the last two weren't. I wouldn't have it any other way. I was an only child for nearly 12 years and then twins came along and i can only say i wouldn't wan't that much of a gap between any of my kid's.. Does not matter what the spacing is, isn't parenting in general supposed to be a challenge...lol

Tania - posted on 09/14/2009

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I think a two year gap is perfect, first one is justing coming out of nappies and into independance but is still young enough to be a play mate. I have 6 and all are roughly 2 years apart and never feel left out or alone x

Stacey - posted on 09/10/2009

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Our kids are almost 3 years apart and that spacing is great! Our daughter was starting to be independent when our son was born, and now thye love to play together.

Mayra - posted on 09/10/2009

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I am a mom of 2 kids a 5 years old and a 19 months old, I am really regret I waited that long for having my second one, even when my older one is a greta big brother, of course they don't have much in commom, plus my older one is going to the school and it seems that I can't participate as much as I want to in his school life 'cause of my daughter, for example when they have field trips or parties in the school I really want to be a volunteer but I spent more time taking care of my little one, than actually helping. We don't have any family living close, so that makes it even worse. My advice: Get pregnant now!

Cherisse - posted on 09/10/2009

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Well I am a mother of a 3 1/2 yr old and my opinion on this would be: it would be easier to enjoy your young baby right now and can have another when your first child is around 3 yrs..By then they can feed themselves, understand you better and can respond and give you a helping hand, that way your first baby feels like he or she is helping mommy out and is not forgotten..As mentioned I have one daughter but I watch my nephew a lot and he was a baby and my daughter was about three when I started watching him and she was pleased she able to help mommy get things and help push the stroller and other little things...good luck!!

Jenny - posted on 09/10/2009

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As you say, there is no 'right' answer to this question - it is a very individual decision. But for what it's worth - our choice was to wait 2 1/2 - 3 years between children as I did not want to have 2 in diapers at the same time, and wanted to enjoy individual time with each baby. However, my Mother had my sister and me 14 months apart (unplanned!!) and says that although it was a busy time she would do it again because we grew up such good friends. It's really your personal decision on what will fit best with your lifestyle and family 'philosophy'.

Rebecca - posted on 09/10/2009

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Quoting Samantha:

Child spacing

I am a mother of a darling 9 month old. My hubbie and I would eventually really like another child and I was wondering what advice some more experienced mums might have for when to have a second child. I know that there is no single right answer, but I would sure appreciate some perspectives.


Congratulations on your baby....motherhood is great. We have 3 girls, we wanted our children to be close in age, (2 years apart), what we didn't expect were twins the 2nd time around. If I had it to do again I would have them 3 to 4 years apart, allowing more time for nurturing the youngest. 

Jamie - posted on 09/10/2009

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I have a four year old and 9 mth old twins and it is great. The only problem right now is nap time mixed w/pre-school schedule; still working on this. I found three to be the toughest age so I am thankful that I could focus on my son during that time.
I would say try now or when your child is about three.

Alexandra - posted on 09/10/2009

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My older sister and I are 2 years apart. We didn't get along too well growing up. We are very close now though. My baby sister is 7 years younger. We have gotten along great since forever. I have two girls that are 26 months apart. They play and fight but they show each other crazy love and they are only 3 and 1 yrs old. No advice for you deary. Whatever God wants for you will happen.

Bridjette - posted on 09/10/2009

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I have a 16 yr old, 14 yr old, and twin 9 yr olds



I would like to say I done everything right, but my life would be less confusing if, I would have only waited 16 mos. between the 14 yr old and the twins. He was starting school and there I was with 2 newborns, it was just like starting all over again. I think I would in hindsight had them boom boom boomboom.

Kris - posted on 09/10/2009

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My kids are 8 months and 5 years old. We couldn't afford to have a second kid for a while (and really we still can't!) so we waited. And honestly I say ALL THE TIME 'i can't imagine having a toddler with a baby'. I think the first 2 years would be so tough. I love that my 5 yo is so independent and can do most things for himself. And he just loves his little sister (so far! ; )) I also loved the 1 on 1 with our son for so many years. But that's just my personal experience. I think 2.5 years or more in between would do wonders for your sanity! But however it works out - as you can see from all these posts - you'll think it's perfect.

Kasie - posted on 09/10/2009

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My first daughter was only 10 months old when I got pregnant for our second daughter. I was so scared at first, how could I do this to my baby? She needed all of my attention and having another baby would take that away from her. Well, it didn't. To be honest, I don't think she even cared that we brought a new baby home. She wasn't jealous, she just went on her normal routine. She does get jealous with my mom and the baby. I wouldn't have it any other way. I want to wait longer than that to have a third one because as of right now, I can tag team them both by myself when my husband is working. I love the closeness in age, my oldest is now 27 months old and the baby is almost 8 months old, and they play so great together and keep eachother occupied and entertained.

Jodie - posted on 09/10/2009

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i know it seems 'traditional' to have them rather close in age. I have 12yr, 7yr and 12 weeks!!!! Big gaps and love it. You tend to get more time with each individual baby... and help from the older siblings. I think whatever you feel is right for your family and the right time to expand!! You just need to remember that babies can put a lot of pressure on your relationship too, you don't get as much quality time with you partner with little ones!!( but I still think it's all worth it in the end)

Alexia - posted on 09/10/2009

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I have 4 boys..13, 9, 6 & 4.I found it easier to start with with the large gap between my older boys. None of this "close together" business!! That was until they got older and now they clash and fight like anything! My younger 2 on the other hand play well together. I found it harder with 2 in nappies etc, but if you do the hard yards early you certainly reap the benefits later on!! I am one of 4 kids and we are all 2 yrs apart. That was a good space.

Tammy - posted on 09/10/2009

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My first two were 7 days short of 2 years apart....my third is 14 years younger than the last......The large gap is great...my 14 year old loves being a big brother and my 7 month old gets alot of attention

Jillian - posted on 09/09/2009

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I agree. There are no right answers... only right for you. My brother and I were fourteen months apart. I remember my mother was tired and frazzled all the time. We were close emotionally but we fought ferociously, too. I decided when I was quite young that I would never have my children too close together.

My oldest, a girl, is four-and-a-half years older than her brother. I loved the fact that she understood the words "Wait a minute" by the time he was born. She started school a few weeks after he was born. It was blissful. I spent the days with him, one on one. While he was new, I just blissed out feeding him and gazing at him all day. Just like an only child. When she got home from school, it was easy to settle him and she still got the one on one time that she was used to...

They've always been close, in spite of the age gap. There's never been any sibling rivalry and the only friction, which was pretty minor, occurred briefly when each of them hit puberty. First the older one briefly thought that her brother was too "immature" and he thought she had "gone a bit silly"! Later, when she was in her twenties and he went into his most teenage stage, she found him irritating because it reminded her of how irrational she realised she had been only a couple of years earlier!

The irritation and friction was minor though and brief. They're just as close as ever again, now. Love similar music and really watch out for each other. She's twenty-four and he's nineteen.

Then there was a further eight years between the two eldest and our little accident. What can I say. Again I had all that one on one time where the baby had all the attention of an only child but coupled with the doting attention of two older, loving siblings. There's twelve years between the oldest and the youngest but honestly, you wouldn't know it. None of them have ever excluded any of the others. The oldest has taken the youngest to parties, both with her friends and with his own. She used to pick him up from school. She loved looking after him even if I didn't ask. I said to her that I wanted her to be a child and I didn't think she needed to take too much responsibility for her baby brother but she always wanted to help look after him.

His older brother taught him to ride a bike, play nintendo, swim, fish and all the boy stuff. They all still roll around the floor and wrestle like puppies. All three go to karate training together and they all play instruments and like to jam with one another. I honestly can't ever remember any arguments between the little guy and his older brother or sister. He's now twelve.

If I was to find any issue with the wide spacing it would only be that my husband and I have spent such a long stretch of time actively parenting but honestly, it's been so enjoyable that I don't think either of us have any regrets and we'd probably do it this way again. The only other thing I was afraid of, didn't happen. I thought maybe the eldest might move out of home while the youngest was still very young and that he might not grow up knowing his older sister all that well but that didn't happen.

If you've got the temperament to raise children close together, I'm sure it can work but this is what we did and it sure worked for us. Good luck.

Morgan - posted on 09/09/2009

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i only have 2 kids and they are 6 years apart and we want to have another as well and are planning on spreading this one out atleast until my youngest is in preschool. i think its nice to just have 1 child at home during the day at a time so that i can have some real bonding and 1 on 1 time and then when my older son gets home i can focus on him more. i also think they get along great and he doesnt have the normal jelousy type issues that you see with closer children (altough alot of that depends on your parenting style). they are really close and my older son is very protective of my younger. ofcourse i dont have any experiance with raising kids that are close together in age so i dont have much to compare but thought i would share. also a major bonus is that i wont have 2 kids in college at the same time!!!!

Sylvia - posted on 09/09/2009

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Hello Samantha,



You are right, there really is no right answer but I will share with you some thing my husbamnd and I went over when we decided when to have our next child. Do you want more personal time with you and your hubby for a little while longer before another lil Angel divides it? Do you want your first child to be completely independent (potty-trained, head-start, talking, walking, picking-up and putting away toys, feeding themselves) so you can focus time on the new baby (whose needs will be greater) while your first chuld can be "mommy's lil helper." These are the quesions my hubby and I used to make the decision to wait about 3 more years to have our second child. Him being in the military, we wanted to enjoy eachother some more while we have our 14monthd old so we can have some lovey time together (which we need with one another). Also do you have any personal short-term goals that you want to accomplish, for myself I will be done with my AA January 2011. Due to the demand of school and an infant, I do not want to have two children while I am finishing this degree.



I also wanted to give our daughter Angel the spotlight for a little while to enjoy all of her firsts and get her established in headstart, knowing her ABCs, numbers, colors and socialization (which she's learning) before I had to split my time. So your right, there isn't any 'right' answer you and your hubby have to decide what works best for you two.



Hope it helps

Angel's Mom-Sylvia

Michelle - posted on 09/09/2009

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I read somewhere that 2 to 2 1/2 years between pregnancys is best for your body to have time to get in tip top condition, but honestly i dont believe everything i read and i think all women and circumstances are different do what you feel is right.

Constance - posted on 09/08/2009

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My first daughter is now 21 months and I am due to have another in May 2010. I think that is good spacing. Not by choice for me though, I would have liked to have had them closer together.

Christine - posted on 09/08/2009

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hey i have a huge 7 n a half yr gap btween my 1st 2 kids 9which than caused a jealousy issue), but than my btween my 2nd n 3rd there is only a 17 n a half mth gap (how the hell i survived that considering my husband worked 7 days a wk i still dunno) but than btween with my 3rd n 4th child there is a 2yrs n 3mth age gap n i find that the best gap btween all my kids not sure if this has helped u from christine

Tennille - posted on 09/08/2009

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My daughters are 14 months apart and I love it this way. They are very close and love each other soo much. It was hard when I was pregnant with my second, as I couldnt carry my oldest daughter around for too long and I went through stages of feeling guilty to my eldest. I would cry at night, thinking how was I going to give both of them equal attention and how was I going to love them both equally. But I never had any jealousy or competition between them. I would love to have had my second and third just as close but will now have to leave a couple of years between them as my youngest is 12 months. You do what you think is right!!!!

Rachel - posted on 09/08/2009

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I fell pregnant with my daughter when my son was only 5 months old so they're 14 months apart in age. It's pretty hard at the moment while my girl is so young (8 weeks old today) but I'm hoping it will get better as she gets older and can actually play with her big brother.

I love both my bubs and we did want more than one, but, I think I would've liked them spaced apart by about 2 years.

Nicole - posted on 09/08/2009

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I have only just had my first baby, but i plan to not leave it too long to have my 2nd. I think 2-3 years is a nice amount to have between them

Stacey - posted on 09/08/2009

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I fell preganant (planned) with my second just before my firsts' 1st birthday. So they are now 11 months & 30 months, I wanted them to be quite close in age and I think it has been good.

Melissa - posted on 09/08/2009

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Well I have a 6 and 5 year old. They are 12 months and 13 days apart. At first I couldn't believe it and the first 6 months were hared, but now, I wouldn't have it any other way. They play together all the time and are best buds. You need to do what you think is best. I hope this helps.

Katie - posted on 09/08/2009

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I have three kids aged 7, 5, and 2. When my oldest was 6 mo old I wanted another one, but I thank the lord now that the next didn't come along until he was 2. I had a hard time being pregnant and tired and cranky at the same time as my first son was tired and cranky, but that was just me. I like that they are close in age now that they are older and can play together and be great fiends, most of the time. I thought the three year split was a lot easier to deal with when my third came along, probably because I was not the happiest pregnant person. I liked having more time to spend with her for bonding without feeling like my others were being left out. By the time she came along my second wanted to play by himself more and I could devote more time with her, unlike when my second came along and I was dealing with a needy two year old as well. Sometime I feel like I missed out on a lot with him.

Lacy - posted on 09/08/2009

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My two girls are 18 months apart. My oldest just turned 2 and my youngest is 6 months old. Some days are very hectic and some aren't. Personally, I don't mind them being close together. My husband and I are talking about when to start on #3. I would like to get my kids done and over with so that way I can concentrate on starting back up with my schooling.

Carissa - posted on 09/08/2009

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I have a 2 year old (nearly 3) and a 8 month old, 2 years and 2 months apart and I think its a perfect age difference and hope to fall pregnant with a third when my 8 month old is a bit over 1.... its all relevant to your family circumstances though. Im an older Mum, in my late 30's so cant really space them too far apart but I also think 2 years separation is great too, you dont have 2 babies to care for and the older one understands things better but then also not too old that they cant play together as they grow :-)

Christina - posted on 09/08/2009

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My children are 10months, 8 years & 15 years old.

Someways I love the gap between my kids- they do not complete. We also only will have 1 child in College at once. The only issue I have is that the 8 and 15 years olds (my boys) think they are the same age at times. The 15 year old think his brother should act 15. My 8 year old think he should have the same privilages as his 15 year old. But they both love their baby sister.

Natasha - posted on 09/08/2009

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I've got 5 children the spaces between range from 18 months to 4 years. I find the ones closer togeather most of the time relate better to each other. My littlest one with the 4 year gap was kind of like starting all over again as the next one up was off to kindy. She has been hard work with out the others to play with during the school day.

Patty - posted on 09/08/2009

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I had my daughters 18 months apart and i want to try for more kids soon (my youngest is just 4 month) I love them being so close because I didn't want one to get out of a stage and then i would have to start all over again. As you can see there are many ways like Sharon Grey said "Just as one got out of diapers and bottles and naps, another one came along." and she loves her kids that far apart.So what ever you and your husband are happy with will turn out fine.

Amanda - posted on 09/08/2009

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I have four kids aged 4yrs, 2yrs and 9mth old twins.
I love the age gap between them. They all get along great.

Sharon - posted on 09/08/2009

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My kids are 4 yrs and 3 yrs apart, 14 yrs, 10 yrs, and 7 yrs old.



I thought I wanted them closer in age so they would be closer, but it didn't work out for us and now I can't imagine our lives any other way. Just as one got out of diapers and bottles and naps, another one came along.



They are close too. My 14 yr old is very caring of his siblings and the 10 yr old is just lol well, a big softie and the 7 yr old - no one messes with her big brothers (and vice versa, they just don't say it) I love that she has older siblings.



Ok gonna stop now before I get all maudlin..

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