Child Support

Jennifer - posted on 02/24/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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The thing that very few people seem to understand is that child support is a REPAYMENT to the parent providing all of a child's needs for the other parent's part of the raising of the child(ren). Even being a repayment, there are plenty of women and men out there that receive it and do not take care of the basic needs of the children. Child support is not meant to be paid ahead for future needs but paid for needs already provided. Anyone that wants to complain about the money and where it goes has absolutely no right to judge or question as long as the child's basic needs (housing, utilities, food and clothing) are being met. I have been on both sides of this situation. I received child support from my ex (usually just around tax time) AND watched my current husband pay up to half of his check at times for almost a year before he finally got custody. I have been questioned about my use of funds whenever I received them (bills...always, lol) AND seen a parent receiving funds that did NOT take care of the children's basic needs. Alot of people are under the misconception that child support must immediately be used to buy for the child and while that is not true, a court will notice and possibly make you repay if your child is dressed in rags and you're sporting new jewelry, electronics, a nice car or cosmetic changes (hair dyed, perms, nails done, etc). I truly wish that no matter what, parents would pay attention to the needs of the children before their own. If you don't, you don't deserve to be called a parent, to have custody OR to receive child support. Child support is NOT money you get for merely having a child. I am also in disbelief every time I see some women wanting to get child support and keep the father out of the picture. The majority of those women (there are special circumstances with abuse of some kind) need to quit being selfish or using the children as a tool to "hurt the one that hurt you". Stupidity seems to abound when it comes to parenting at times. Just from reading posts on here, I've noticed that a lot of crud gets in between parents and their children. It does NOT matter if that person cheated on you or moved on with someone else. It does NOT matter if they've been out of your life and just found out about the child's existence. ALL parents have a right to help raise their children and trying to remove those rights (again...barring special circumstances involving physical or sexual abuse or neglect) makes you the worst kind of person. Just because someone was a crappy husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend does NOT automatically mean they're going to be a crappy parent. AND...moving on with someone else means they're exploring a healthy way of living rather than wallowing in pity or mooning after a lost relationship. BOTH parents being happy is usually a good thing for the children. MOST situations like that will come back and bite you in the rear in the future. Please...PLEASE think of the children involved before revenge, greed and selfishness ever have a chance to enter the mix. As women, we've spent too long fighting for equality to become the oppressors.

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Jenni - posted on 02/24/2012

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I agree with you 100% Jennifer. It drives me crazy when parents use their children as pawns. Or put their "adult issues" before the best interest of the child(ren). It only harms the kids. There are definitely some people out there who need to stop focusing on themselves or what the other parent is doing and make their primary concerns that of the child(ren). Ignore the drama, stop causing the drama (whichever applies to you) and just be a parent.

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