Child Support !!!

Brooke Ann - posted on 01/07/2014 ( 21 moms have responded )

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Hi,
I'm VARY stressed out and upset with my Husband.. He pays out 1000 a month for his 2 boys, the mother works and makes almost as much as we do. My husband is in the U.S Navy and we live pay check to pay check they don't go threw child support they had their own thing set up. So now that we are married and have two children of out own i think its way to much child support said we would be paying 534 a month if he went threw them. She does NOT use the money on the boys at all we know this for a fact she uses it on her and her tattoos and drinking. I don't know how to go about this. we need the money badly and he won't do anything about it. help please i know i might sound like a bitch. but the oldest (13) boy wants nothing to do with him he said it in text and phone call.

My husband is about to deploy as well so we will be even more strapped for money since i wont be able to work due to child care is $$$$$$

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Desiree - posted on 01/08/2014

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Brooke,
I also wanted to add that my SS who is 10 also doesn't want to come over. He has ODD and is brain washed by his mother. Does it bother me that DH is suffering because his child doesn't want to visit, of course it does, it also bothers me that he pays child support for a child that wants nothing to do with him because of his mother. However, child support has to be paid so he pays it. We can only hope that when the child is 18 and learns the truth about how much his daddy loved him and how his mother used parental alienation against him, he will know who was telling the truth all along.

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LalaBoom - posted on 01/10/2014

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Brooke-

First you said, "its in the court papers" that she has to "report" what she does with the agreed-upon CS monies. Then you backtrack and say it isn't in the court papers what he pays her or CS-related matters. You also said CS amount was agreed outside the courts, but then you also say its included in the court papers. Which is it? I'm confused.

As far as him giving her 1000$ a month, if its too much, HE needs to go to court and establish CS through the courts. However, the courts are not very fond of lowering the kids' standard of living, so if it has been the trend that he pays her that amount for an extended period of time, your husband will have to prove extenuating circumstances to get it lowered. The fact that you have two subsequent children rarely (and unofficially) matters especially if you are working. But like I said, he can still go with bills on hand and income papers to prove circumstances call for a modification of CS.

I will correct you on one thing: If the boys live with her, if they have clothes, if they eat, if she takes them out, if she drives them around, if they have their basic necessities covered, then yes, she is 100% spending that money on the boys. If that money gives her relief to use her own money on tattoos and drinking, then thats a different story and still nothing you can do about it. Your husband needs to be the one to make the petitions, or a lawyer on his behalf. .

Another thing, whether the 13y/o wants to see him or not, both boys are STILL your husband's responsibility. He doesn't stop being a parent because one of his kids wants him to disappear. Have you been around other teenagers and their parents? This is normal typical teen behavior.

Good luck with everything!

Jodi - posted on 01/09/2014

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Amanda, if you didn't have a child, you actually pay LESS for those things, so yes, she can spend it on those things and it will be considered being spent on the child. I don't know about you, but I guarantee that if my husband and I had no children, our household bills (rent, utilities, etc), car/transport costs, and various other outgoings would be at least half. So with 2 children, it is perfectly legitimate that child support goes towards a percentage of household bills (at minimum 1/4, maybe more depending on circumstances), not just pay for food and clothes directly purchased for the child. It's not bullshit at all.

When my ex and I split, it also wouldn't have been unreasonable that I request a further $350 a month (in addition to at least 25% of my household bills - around $300 - $400 a month at the time, plus direct costs to feed, clothe, incidentals) to pay for daycare for our child to cover 50% of the childcare costs I needed to be able to work. Now can you see where the money goes? I think people overlook all of these things when they consider child support. Right here is how it can easily end up near $1000 a month for child support of TWO children. And what I have outline is only HIS 50% cost of raising a child.

Not that I did get this money, because he was a total loser (still is), but that is not an unreasonable amount to raise a child.

And Amanda, if your husband doesn't see him, then your husband needs to take that back to court, because if he has court ordered visitation, she has no right to do that, and if he doesn't, then he needs to get it.

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I go threw this with my husband and his baby mama she spends it on herself. We talked to child support cuz they said we would have to prove it. And they said she could use it on heat water bill or the house payment. Witch is bs cuz if you didn't have a child you would have to pay for that shit anyways. She is one of the moms that gets everything from the state and free schooling. We asked if we could send pic of the clothes he wares and the shoes that are 3 times to smalls for him, but they told us that wouldn't hold up in court. My husband doesn't see him for the mother doesn't want him to but when my husband mom has him we once in awhile run in to him. the system is messed up. I know how you feel I happy I am not the only mother out there that feels the way that you do. They told us to hired a detective I mean come on like we have the money for that. Good Luck!!

Jonn - posted on 01/08/2014

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Agreed, but you are preaching to the wrong choir. Your husband is the one who needs to hear this, step up, speak to JAG officer, and make it happen.

Jonn - posted on 01/08/2014

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No you don't have a say in what she spends it on. You do however have a say in getting it reduced in court. So many people think they have a right to know what that money is spent on; not! And if you doubt me, I will pull up so much case law to refute you. The courts will look at it from this point of view. Food, clothing, roof, in school, not showing signs of abuse, there ya go.

Jonn - posted on 01/08/2014

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He needs to get with the JAG office if the divorce or decree is through them, and have it lowered, plain and simple.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/08/2014

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It definitely does depend on where you live.

Brooke, if your husband is not willing to revisit the issue and get a support order, there's nothing you can do.


And, think of it this way: Would you like HER judging YOU on what you spend YOUR money on? I don't think so. Do you live in her house? Are you privy to her situation? Thought not.

Just because the kid "wants nothing to do" with his dad doesn't change the necessity of support for the kid, either. Bottom line is, either your husband mans up and goes to court for support orders, or you live with the situation.

Desiree - posted on 01/08/2014

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Unless your husband wants to do something about it, there isn't much you can go but be annoyed with it. I know exactly how you feel on having to send the ex money.

DH's ex sounds much like your DH's ex with the tattoos and the drinking. We are absolutely 100% positive that she isn't using the money on the kids because she works and receives child support and still complains to people that she doesn't have money for this or for that and will tell the boys to tell us when they are with us that their mom says they need a hair cut or new shoes or whatever. We buy what they need for our house when they are with us. This is all stuff she should be taking care of WITH CHILD SUPPORT when they are at her house. She is constantly saying she doesn't have clothes for them or shoes for them or whatever yet, she receives food stamps, medicaid and lives with her parents rent free. She is constantly getting new tattoos but complains she has no money.

As for how much the state/government expects parents (both mothers or fathers) to pay for child support is ridiculous. My dad is having to pay $1000/month for my 15 year old sister. It DOES NOT take $1000/month to raise a child...I don't care who you are. I receive $750/month for my two children and if you budget right, that is way more than I would ever need to raise two kids.

I feel for you....Good Luck...

Jodi - posted on 01/07/2014

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I'm not being nasty Brooke. I actually made the point that you have no right to judge her on her spending money on tattoos and drinking because it isn't any of your business - she works, she is entitled to spend money on herself without being judged by you for doing so, and that's how that conversation started. I guarantee to you, given we are talking teen/pre-teen boys here, she is absolutely spending that $1000 a month on those boys. In a week when I have 2 teenage boys in my home, I can go through $150 in food, just in a week, just for them (not including everyone else) - there is $650 right there before you start counting how much extra you need to put a roof over their heads in addition to yourself (cost of one bedroom as opposed to 2 bedroom apartment), the cost of keeping them in clothes, especially as they grow an inch when you look at them, and costs involved with education, transport, and everything else that is needed. Now if they are getting none of that, then maybe your husband should be looking at custody because that is neglect.

I have tried to help and suggested you encourage your husband to go through the appropriate channels to amend the child support. But you have no right to judge how she chooses to spend her money. If he chooses to do nothing about it (which is what you indicated in your OP), then you have to just suck it up, because you can't do anything.

Brooke Ann - posted on 01/07/2014

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Im not saying we have a say about HER money to im talking about the child support we do have a say on that and they agreed 1000to a month at that time sonits not in the paper work. If ur going to be nasty to me and not help then please stop putting ur input on it somewhere different day thanks

Jodi - posted on 01/07/2014

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So how much do the court papers say you have to pay?

And no, you DON'T have a say on how she spends HER money. The money HE pays her, maybe, but not HER money. That's my point. Her income that SHE works for will help support her family, and the rest of it is up to her to do as she wants with and that is not any of your business.

Brooke Ann - posted on 01/07/2014

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We do have a say on how she spends it its in cpurt papers she has to provide us with with record of everything she buys. We are not newly weds we have been married for 5i years

Jodi - posted on 01/07/2014

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My apologies, I thought you already weren't working. I misinterpreted your last comment to indicate you also weren't currently working because of day care.

And sorry, but how she spends her money is none of your business and not up to you to determine its importance. As I said, if you have an issue with how much your husband is paying, encourage him to go through the correct channels. But you don't have the right to decide how she spends it, or even to pass judgement on that unless her children are missing out. And I'm sure, if they were missing out, you would have said something about that in your post (like most new wives do when complaining about the child support their husband has to pay to the bio mother of their children who just doesn't spend it on the kids).

I also never suggested that tattoos and drinking was more important than looking after her kids. I implicated that she works too, so she is entitled to spend some of her money on herself. The fact that your husband has chosen to have 4 children and therefore his support of his children has to split 4 ways is not her problem.

Brooke Ann - posted on 01/07/2014

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I do have a job. And she does NOT provide for them like i said. Once my husband deploys no i wont have a job due to how much child care is where i live. And i think taking care of ir kids is more important that rhen flipping tattoos and drinking amd woth haveing ms

Jodi - posted on 01/07/2014

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Well, she does use the money on the boys, because clearly she supports them (you know, food, roof over their heads, they aren't running around naked or in rags). I think claiming she doesn't is unfair - she works too, so she is entitled to tattoos and a drink every now and then. You don't work, so yes, you would be struggling a bit more than she does.

However, I would suggest that if you have an issue with what he is paying, you encourage him to go through the system and pay what he should be paying, then no-one can get upset over it.

Brooke Ann - posted on 01/07/2014

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We have try to talk to her and it was hell. she was like well thats your problem you got remarried and had more kids not mine. and just called him a shit father and what not. but he is deploying next month and can't do anything till he comes back in x about of months

Joanne - posted on 01/07/2014

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Since you have two children to take care of, possibly your husband needs to go back to court and get the child support lowered. This would be the only resolve unless his exwife would be open to accepting less. Communicate the problem peacefully and tastefully and maybe she'll be agreeable to reduce the support since she makes a good income.

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