Child support & custody

[deleted account] ( 19 moms have responded )

My son is 4 and a half years old. There is a child support against my sons father by the state because he recieves medicaid. His father is not on the birth certificate and has only seen him a few times since my son was born. He is now saying he is going to file for joint custody. Not to souns bitchy, but he has known that he is the father of my son since he was born and has never made much effort to see him. He is known for doing xoke and smoking weed and has 2 other children, one whom he is on child support for but does jot see nor has legal rights and the other whom he does not see or is on child support for. My son does not know who he is and has mo parent child relationship with him. And i do not want him to have joint custody. My son sees my boyfriend, who has been there for him since he was 2, as his father and calls him daddy. Would the fact that my son has no relationship with his biological father and has a parental relationship with my boyfriend make any difference when it comes to his father having rights? My boyfriend wants to legally adopt my son but we are afraid that now that there is a child support case against his father that we will nog be able to go through with it.

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Sarah - posted on 06/02/2016

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You state in your post that there is a support order against your son's father, yet you claim he is not documented as the father? Well, someone admitted paternity somewhere in order to get that order.

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Sarah - posted on 06/03/2016

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Michelle, I think it is because she knew her post was a huge lie, she even deleted her post about how she and her son's father met with the Attorney Gen, and the father was high and claimed he wanted nothing to do with the kid. So my response makes no sense now.
It is so frustrating to come open post after post that is a half truth, then when we ask the OP deletes and runs. The lady with the pot smoking 18 yo who'd been growing a crop in her home, left after one response.
I don't get it, you are anonymous here, post the truth if you want an answer! I really don't like the pro-spank posts but at least they lay their business out there.

Michelle - posted on 06/03/2016

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Someone else who runs away because she doesn't get the answers she wants.
Why can't people be open advice when posting on an open forum?

Sarah - posted on 06/02/2016

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Well how profoundly convenient for you that the attorney general, the lawyer in charge of running criminal court was willing to have you in a meeting. That this official who holds no sway over family court not only met with you but tolerated the ranting of an intoxicated father? I am certain the AG told you that when high, your son's father's statement holds no true validity, just as if he were mentally ill, he could not surrender his rights. Your child's BC needs to have the correct lineage whether or not this man ever parents him. In order to strip a man of his parental rights he must first be proven the parent; otherwise he could take the fall for another person. I am sure the AG explained this all to you. right?

[deleted account]

And to the lady saying my son does not know his father because I did not make an effort, yes I did. The whole first year of my sons life I constantly emailed and tried to get a hold of his father and even told him he could come down and stay with us until he got back on his feet and all,he gave me was excuses. I finally got tired of trying to get him involved for 3 years. I have contact with the other two girls that have children by this man nd my son knows that he has 2 sisters and 2 step mommies that we have a great relationship with. Its just his father that refuses to keep a constant relationship with my son and comes in and out.

Dove - posted on 06/02/2016

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Before I read any responses... cuz I can kind of guess how they go...

No, your boyfriend has no sway whether the FATHER has rights or not. If you are concerned about your son's safety... compile your evidence (like police reports and/or request drug testing), get a good lawyer, and push for supervised visitations until your son knows his father and/or he is clean from drugs.

He has the right to petition the court for whatever custody/visitation he wants and it's up to the judge to look at the hard facts and make a determination.

Ev - posted on 06/02/2016

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Samantha--
I can understand you dislike this man and that you want as little to do with him as possible. But the other ladies have ironed out what choices you do have and what can be done or not done as it is the law and have tried to tell you so. You keep trying to make one reason after another why YOU do not want him to have access to his child. Unfortunately, you chose this man to be with and the child is the result of this union. He is the father regardless of his not signing the birth certificate and if he has to take a DNA test now for child support then he can push for his rights to parent his child as well regardless again of what he says about custody. Just because he says he wants joint and then full after does not mean he gets it. He could just get visitation and that is it. And when a judge makes the final decision, it is for the benefit of the the child's best interests.

{He doesn't even have an attorney, his plan is to just ask the judge for joint custody. He has no stable living place either.}---He does not necessarily have to have a lawyer but one is most advisable when asking for custody of a child. As for no stable living environment--how do you know this? If you hear that second hand then you have no proof of his living conditions.

{Hopefully a judge does not see this the way you see it. For someone to completely deny their child just to save money and then want to take that child from his mother simply out of spite is childish and in my eyes does not deserve any visitation.}-----A judge will see it how things in your case fit within the guideline of the laws. Also, a judge is not going to go totally with what you want either. A lot of men do not see or help with their kids for months to years and in some cases never knew they had a child because they were not told--but that does not mean the judge won't give them some sort of visitation. And it does not matter what you feelings are on this but he can get visitation if he wants it bad enough and if a judge grants it there is not much you can do. If you get court orders for dad to have visits and deny them, he can take you back to court for parental alienation and you could loose custody. The judge may want him to start with supervised visits and if he is clean from coke and other drugs then he can proceed from there..

{ I want him to start with supervised visits and if he is clean from coke and other drugs then we can proceed from there.}---Again what you want and get are two different things. You can not make demands for custody and visitation to the judge but just present your case. If you think the child needs supervised visits at first just to get to know the father it might be done for a period of time and then overnights on weekends will start since your child is 4.5 years old. If the worry over the drugs is a big issue ask for dad to be tested for drugs but do not be surprised if they test both because it is possible. If it is proven from a drug test that dad still has drug issues then a judge will rethink the best interests of the child but that does not mean dad won't have at least supervised visits.

{I have screen shots of his Facebook where he's saying he's shooting up coke and stuff like that Its not just screehots of him saying things he's doing. They're pictures }---That is not considered evidence of his drug use and the pictures may not be allowed either. You need documented things like arrest records, police reports, court convictions and other things such as maybe his having a record in rehab to take to court to prove dad is using. Until you have evidence that can stand up in court to prove dad unfit then you don't have anything.

Also as far as father's rights being terminated there are only two ways that can be done. 1) The father has to agree and sign the paperwork on it. 2) The judge has to have determined via proof of it that dad is unfit or in some cases CPS will have evidence that proves he is unfit to the point that he looses his rights to his child. Only then does your BF have a chance to adopt but you also might have to be married to do that too.

We get that you do not like the dad. And that is fine. But what you propose to do is deny that child a chance at a relationship with his father based on your own wants, needs, emotions and desires not on the benefit to the child.

Read this pinned post: A lot of this you should have taken care of from day one. It would have kept this mess to a minimum. And you would have known better what your obligations to your son were and his father would have known his.

http://www.circleofmoms.com/welcome-circ...

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/02/2016

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Sorry, but...Your kid has no knowledge of who his father is, because YOU have not made the effort to make sure he DOES know that he has a father outside of your boyfriend.

Sorry, but...YOU don't get a choice here. You get to go to court, get custody and support established, and live with it.

Michelle - posted on 06/02/2016

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That's not evidence. Anyone can write things, doesn't mean it's true. Sorry but you need hard evidence.

[deleted account]

I have screen shots of his Facebook where he's saying he's shooting up coke and stuff like that

Michelle - posted on 06/02/2016

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Then that's what you need to present to the judge. You will need evidence of the drug use to insist on supervised visits though

[deleted account]

I don't Carr if he wants to see him. But the fact that he wants to be able to right off the bat get him over night for every weekend is ridiculous. My son doesn't know him and wouldn't be comfortable spending the night with someone he does not know. I want him to start with supervised visits and if he is clean from coke and other drugs then we can proceed from there.

Michelle - posted on 06/02/2016

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It's not "the way I see it", it's the law.
That's why you need a lawyer to go to court and tell the judge why he shouldn't get custody. You should also sort out a visitation schedule so that if he doesn't stick to it you can go back to court and say he hasn't been seeing his son.

[deleted account]

Hopefully a judge does not see this the way you see it. For someone to completely deny their child just to save money and then want to take that child from his mother simply out of spite is childish and in my eyes does not deserve any visitation.

Michelle - posted on 06/02/2016

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That's his fault for not signing the birth certificate. As the Father he has just as much right as you do to have your son.
The law is the law and it doesn't matter what he said at the time, DNA doesn't lie.
Like I said, get yourself a lawyer and get ready to go to court.

[deleted account]

He doesn't even have an attorney, his plan is to just ask the judge for joint custody. He has no stable living place either.

[deleted account]

He is not on the birth certificate because he refused to sign that he was the father because he wasn't going to have me "screw him" with child support. Now that I filed and they are court ordering a dna test, he's upset and saying he's going to file for joint and then for full custody once he gets joint.

Michelle - posted on 06/02/2016

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It makes no difference if the Father hasn't seen his child much, he is still the Father and has as much to custody as you do.
Get yourself a lawyer and get it all established through court. You should have sorted it all out when your son was born.
For your BF to be able to adopt your son, the Father will have to give up his rights. It has nothing to do with child support. It sounds like he wouldn't give up his rights since he is filing for joint custody.

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