child support / custody

Essence - posted on 02/08/2014 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My son is now 10 months ; he has been taking care of by me . When i need anything for joshua i have to get it i call for stuff from my sons "father" he always has an excuse as of why he cant give it to me but i still let him see my son until i just got tired of being nice like i dont get any help but he has money to buy drugs and liquior i just got a letter saying i have to go to court for custody what do i do ?? I wanna explode right now .

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Angela - posted on 02/11/2014

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This is an age-old problem. Support (or a home) is offered to an adult child by parents who then expect to call all the shots in other aspects of that person's life.

They need to understand that their "control" could impact very badly on your rights as a parent and also your child's rights to have a relationship with his other parent.

I'm British and in the UK, parents with custody are pretty much free to move wherever they wish - including abroad - regardless of how the other parent may deal with it. Imagine having to tell one's employers (or one's spouse's employers) that "No, I can't take that great job (or even mandatory transfer) overseas/out of this area because my child/stepchild's other parent won't get to see him/her!"

But the Law is different in different countries.

Amy - posted on 02/11/2014

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Jodi is absolutely right you could end up being the one with visitation if you don't put your foot down with your mother. My parents helped pay for my divorce and that was one of the most difficult things getting them to understand that I wasn't going to be able to move out of the state because my ex wasn't paying support. I had to explain time and time again, they still don't get it but they're much better about butting out.

Jodi - posted on 02/08/2014

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"i still let him see my son until i just got tired of being nice"

This sentence indicated you stopped allowing him to see his son at some point. Maybe you could elaborate.

It's none of your mother's business. Tell her that if she continues to interfere with your child's visitation with his father, you could lose your child. She needs to butt out. If she can't do that, then you need to leave in the best interests of your child.

Essence - posted on 02/08/2014

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I understand where your coming from im not stopping him its my mom saying all this non sense because i live with her and what she says goes , im working on leaving because she acts like shes the mother

Jodi - posted on 02/08/2014

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Well, unfortunately, it sounds like you stopped allowing your child to see his father because daddy wouldn't pay. Guess what....children are not possessions and you don't own your child, it doesn't matter if he paid you anything, he still has a right to a relationship with his child, AND the child has the right to a relationship with him. You have done the wrong thing by withholding visitation and your ex obviously decided he needed to take you to court in order to get his rights. If you want child support, you also have access to the legal system to request that. But you do NOT have the right to deny the relationship between father and child unless there is a danger to your child. People have lost custody for doing this (its called parental alienation), so you'd better have a good lawyer.

Amanda - posted on 02/08/2014

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I have 2 kids 3 an8 I'm sepperated from my husband for a year now an he always has an excuse to ,I am saving money for a divorce! An he always lie to them that he is gonna come get them for the weekend and lies an says next weekend , I'm do fed up

Amy - posted on 02/08/2014

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You go to court for custody if you want child support you better file because they are two very different things despite you wanting to believe they are connected. A father has a right to see his child whether he pays or not.

Ev - posted on 02/08/2014

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You have to go to court then. You have to tell the judge what has been going on but not how it makes you feel. The judge is not interested in your feelings or dad's but what is best for the child. You will need to set custody, support and visitation. Get a good lawyer.

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