Child Support, Custody, Moving with young children

Chelle - posted on 10/10/2016 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I have a 4 and 2 year old that I have primary care of. Their father watches them on Saturday's while I work and I pick them up after. I drop them off Sunday mornings and pick them up after work as usual. His job does not allow him to spend any other time with the children or even if he's available he is too busy or tired and never asks to have them. It works out right now that I work on weekends and he's off to watch them on those days; however he does not keep them overnight and sometimes he even has to work on the weekend. He has kept them overnight maybe 4 times for one night each. His excuse is that he cannot afford to keep them and feed them more than the time he has while I work on Saturdays and Sundays. He does pay child support. I moved here, because of him years ago, so I am away from family and it's important to me to have that support. So, my desire is to move which is 4 hours away from him. Yes, I want them to have a relationship with him; however the decision to divide our family was his. And I believe it's in our best interest to be near more of my family and people I can rely on. The children have always been 100% in my care from being a stay at home mom for their first years. He is honestly not involved in their day to day lives; it just so happens to be convenient for the both of us on weekends for him to see them now.

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Jessica - posted on 08/28/2017

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Hi, I'm going through a very similar situation and it's extremely difficult. I can really relate. I just opened a case to move with my two-year old. We would be moving 3 hours away from his dad. We have close to 50/50 custody and I know my ex is going to fight this hard. We live in the SF Bay Area now and I can't afford anymore. The only way I can provide a better life for us is to move. It's really hard to not fully be able to make decisions independently. It feels like you're tethered to a rail. It sucks. I guess we just do our best to plead our case and leave it up to a judge!? Hang in there mama ❤️

Michelle - posted on 10/11/2016

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We don't know what the judge will decide so no one can tell you if you will be allowed to move.
You can get custody and visitation sorted out before you are divorced. You may not think he is doing enough but like Dove said, he is in their lives and that could mean you won't be able to move unless you have a plan in lace for the children to see him.

Jodi - posted on 10/11/2016

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He can petition to stop the move. You need his permission to move away if it disrupts his current visitation schedule. In fact, if you just up and move, he could petition to have the children returned to him and you COULD lose custody. What do your court orders say?

Chelle - posted on 10/10/2016

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Yes of course, & I plan on getting real legal advice soon. My concern was what are my chances of being allowed to move. He talks a big game but he doesn't show it as far as being "in their lives" and I am the mom that pushes for him to get as much time with them as possible. When he's out of town he doesn't call, and he may facetime them once during the whole week and if my daughter wants to so i'll let her. I ask him to let me know if he's in town because they would love to see him more often than just the 9 hours I'm at work on saturdays and sundays, but he's either too tired or too busy or he tells me he can't afford to.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/10/2016

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Sorry, my response overlapped yours regarding custody... I withdraw the question... LOL carry on!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/10/2016

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What are your court orders regarding custody, support, visitation, and relocating?

Chelle - posted on 10/10/2016

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We aren't divorced yet either. We live separately. He doesn't believe he has a responsibility to pick them up or drop them off because it's not convenient for him. I suggested the every other weekend which is in our standard custody papers but that means he should keep them on his weekends and that's not something he's willing to do and he always some reason as to why he can't have them overnight.

Michelle - posted on 10/10/2016

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I am gathering that you don't have any court orders in place.
You don't actually just get to up and move, he can take you to court to stop you moving away.
I suggest you get custody and visitation sorted out through the court and while doing that you can ask the court if you could move.

Ev - posted on 10/10/2016

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Yeah, this is not about you. It is about the kids and their relationship with dad and his ability to have parenting time. If all he can do is the days on the weekends, then your move is going to incapacitate that visitation and would be against the court orders.

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