Child with low IQ

Noor - posted on 03/02/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have just learned my son's IQ is below 70 and although he has been diagnosed with a learning disability, I was unaware of the extent of it. He is a very social, kind, loving 9 year old with many friends. His teacher says on the playground you would never know that he struggles so much in school. At first my dreams of him becoming an accomplished MD or phD quickly disappeared and I started to panick. I have 3 sons and my oldest is one of the smartest in his school. My youngest is 3 and pretends to read books and loves to draw and color (similar to his oldest brother). I would never pressure my children into going into a field they don't want to, but now I am dealing with one above avg student and one below avg. I never want my son to feel stupid or incapable of doing things that he just can't do. I know that focusing on the positives and looking into vocational schools in the future maybe an option. How do I maximize his potential without overloading him? At the same time I feel like my oldest is not getting recognized for his accomplishments like he deserves because I don't want my second son to feel bad or "stupid". I love all my boys so much and I want them to have bright futures regardless of IQ scores.

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Rebekah - posted on 03/02/2016

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Help your 9 year old son to find what areas he is stronger with and help to highlight that. IQ is a measure of performance in school settings, but it doesn't measure other things like creativity, athleticism or interpersonal skills. Build him up where you can, and offer support in the academic areas when he needs it. Watch for signs of stress and keep communication open with him to know if he's being overloaded or not. Don't worry about what job title he will have... a status symbol doesn't guarantee happiness. Help him find ways to be as independent as possible and (eventually) select a vocation that suits his gifts.
I'm sure its a typical situation to have siblings of different abilities but look at it as each one having different gifts. So while school may come more easily to one, another may do better socially or artistically. Its ok to recognize each kid for whatever their strength is; have an open dialog with them that every person is not made the same, and that's ok. Family should celebrate each others strengths, whatever they are, and help each other in areas of weakness. Each person is designed for a purpose, and is important for whatever gifts they bring to the table.

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Noor - posted on 03/03/2016

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Thank you for your advice. It is interesting that you mentioned his stress, which is actually a huge issue at the time. The doctors have concluded that the more difficult his studies become , the more stress and frustration he will show. I have tried a few meds without any luck. I am going to get a second opinion because his teacher is also concerned that being in a fully loaded classroom may be too much for him. Specialized instruction is there for the students who qualify, ( they need an IQ below 70). The school is refusing to accept the outside score and is only going by what they have, which in this case is a 74. There is a lot of effort involved when I try to do best by my son in terms of school. It won't come easy! Once I have these areas under control I will have more to to focus on what he really is good at. It can be a family activity where we all learn new things and see what we may be good at and not even know! I'm glad that I am not alone in this cause it really does cause so much stress.

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