Child yells at me

Ariana - posted on 11/20/2013 ( no moms have responded yet )

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My 4 year old yells at me sometimes. He'll yell he doesn't want to sit with me on the bus, or if I get him in trouble he'll start yelling to other people that I hurt his feelings. He yells when he doesn't feel tired and I'm putting him to bed.

I'm constantly telling him not to yell at me, fixing how he speaks, do we need to scream about this? You can ask me politely. Do not scream at me. I've put him in the other room to calm down and sometimes he'll take it, and other times he'll start banging on the door and screaming louder. It's not so bad alone, but when it's late at night or the babysitter is standing there it's like AHH.

Oh or on the bus, yeah, that's fun. That's a fun ride. I DON'T WANT TO SIT WITH YOU. As he screams and starts trying to lick the window and refuses to stop rubbing his hands on the window.

It's just shitty when you know you're with the kid for the next 15-20 minutes going wherever and he's just freaking out. Disturbing other people and yelling or humming or whatever. Or yelling that he doesn't want to be with me, and other people are sitting there staring at you.

In terms of other behaviors I've been able to tell him if he doesn't stop doing whatever on the streetcar he won't get tv, or he won't get a treat (like a sugary treat, not like regular snacks). And I've had to do it a few times. I also now usually tell him where we're going, and have a map for him to look at, and a pad and pen. Sometimes I try to tell him what he'll get when we get there if he's good, like stickers, which he likes to put on the paper.

Weird stuff like that. So I try to prepare more. But that doesn't stop him from yelling at me sometimes, and I can't give him a time-away or whatever, and it's embarrassing, and I can say, that's a rude thing to say, you should say this instead, but he doesn't always listen, and generally other people are sitting right there, or dealing with some rude kid nattering away or screaming on the bus. Which I shouldn't be worried about but it just sucks.

Like I have to prepare every time I walk out the door, and go through all these routines and stuff.

Like I have a bedtime routine and if you don't go through every little thing every single day he won't go to sleep. So even when it's late and he's been acting crazy I have to do it, every single time. And even then sometimes he's all crazy.

I don't know, he's been being all crazy the last few weeks, and then yesterday he had a super great day, I had absolutely no issues with him at all. Well, one, but it was easily solved. But even that day was a lot of me preparing, and organizing and having incentives and reminders and routines and positive reinforcement and it's like for you to have a good day is so much work.

You know? And then you have this 4 year old yelling that he doesn't want to sit with you and YOU HURT MY FEELINGS because you told him not to push his head into you and you got him in trouble.

So as the responsible parent you have to issue a consequence or go through all this crap when on the inside we all know you're secretly thinking about what a rude thing to say to someone who is nothing but good to you. Which you aren't supposed to say because we're supposed to be super sweet and never think anything like that about a little kid but it's TRUE and we all know it.

People without kids see a mom crouching down and getting mad at a kid and think, what is that mom doing to her child? And other parents look at them and say what is that child doing to her mom? Or at least that's what I think...

Sorry this has turned more into venting than advice... I just get tired of constantly going through tons of work and then getting screamed at. I know I'm supposed to give him words and issue consequences but it's difficult when there are so many other things I'm trying to get him to keep control of and I can't keep him from talking or from saying something. And then in front of other people too, it's embarrassing to tell a kid to stop and have him not do it and then be reduced to reminding him of what he's going to get if he's good and what's going to happen if he isn't and he needs to stop that right NOW. 1...2... you better stop that right this second.

Or yell at him to come back to the office because he's ran down the hallway and now you're yelling 1 2 3 because if you chase him it's just going to encourage him and make him want to do it more.

Anyway, my kids good, but he's just so impulsive and such a handful and I keep reading different parenting techniques and all this stuff and it is effective it just sucks how difficult it can be just to have a normal day and one thing out of balance tilts the whole thing. I get a handle on one behavior and a new one pops up. I limit tv time and engage his mind and do all that fun educational stuff, as well as low-key time and reading books times and I do a lot of stuff for him and then I have to do stuff for myself and other people too.

So... parentings hard work and I'm sick of being yelled at all the time.

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