children living in another state

Katie - posted on 01/14/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




Im a mother of a 14 yr old son and daughter whom is 9.They have been living with their dads for 5 years in another state. i moved away because i needed a fresh start due to being a recovering addict. when i began on my road to hell i made the choice of having their fathers take care of them because i didnt want my children to grow up in that kind of environment . it was so hard to make that decision but it was for their wellbeing . because of financial reasons i don't have the means to make visits throughout the year. but i do get them for a month in the summer! i miss them like crazy!! i have built a stable life here in michigan but i am missing so much of their life!! my son seems so angry at times and i can hardly get a good convo with him over the phone which very well b because he is a hormonal teenager. i still have not told him why i left him in his fathers care and moved 8 hours away. when is it ok to b honest and tell him the truth? im so afraid of him hating me or have women issues when hes older. my daughter on the other hand is always bubbly when i talk to her on the phone. but also is 9 and needs me more than ever. moving home is always a option but im in fear of relapse. i have been in a great relationship with my boyfriend and he tells me he understands if i want to go back home because my kids come first. he also has a 5 year old son who lives with us . he brings so much joy to my life. im afraid my kids resent the fact that im raising him. im trying to sort all this out in my head but i feel relived i found this site. can somebody please help!!! i feel horribly guilty and im so angry with myself for leaving them. i would never try to get custody of them and have them move here. i could never do that to their fathers and them !!! i just really need some advice!!!


♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/14/2014




First, YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. You recognized your addiction, provided a safe environment for your children so that you could go to rehab, and you've succeeded to this point. Don't give up on that.

You do need to be honest with your kids. Your boy may be an emotional teenager right now, but he may also know why you left, and my have some residual anger over that. You need to be honest with him about the problem, and what you've done to overcome it. You will show him that you ARE a strong woman and that you made the best possible choices for him, and his sister at the time. It may take some counseling to get him to a point where he's not angry with you, but as he gets older, he will understand.

Your daughter needs the truth as well, if only as a "I did this, and it was not right, and I'm telling you so that you'll be able to make better choices than I did at that point". A teaching moment.

My husband of 25 years is a recovered meth addict. He was off it before we met (by about 3 months) and he's remained clean and sober for 26 years. Its not an easy fight, but you've come so far! Hubby uses his past addiction as a teaching tool. Not only for our kids, but for his students as well. Nothing hits home like a well liked instructor saying "hey, we all screw up at fix it"

But...if you feel a relapse would happen if you went back to living closer to the kids, you need to NOT do that. At least until you feel you are strong enough to handle that temptation. Would your current partner move with you?

And, finally, do the kids fathers support your sobriety? Are they willing to help you by perhaps meeting for visits at a halfway point?

Good luck with everything, my dear. You'll only keep moving onward and upward from here!

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