Childrens behaviour

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Dove - posted on 04/19/2017

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Unless he is disabled... 11 is way old enough to bathe himself properly. My son has been doing it all himself (w/ the exception of his hair for a few more years) since before he was five. If he doesn't wash himself properly and he still stinks... send him back in... or let him be the stinky kid at school. Most preteens stink a lot until they can figure out the right balance of using and remembering to use deodorant anyway.

I agree w/ Sarah... where DO you live?

By the way... having attitude adjustments is perfectly normal for preteens. They do tend to get sassy and push the boundaries more at this age. It's the process of where they are turning from little kids to teenagers and hormones can make them act like little monsters. You haven't failed them just because you are having trouble, but asking the same questions (like the spanking nonsense) even when you are given advice against it just makes it sound like this is all fake... unless there is a language barrier or comprehension issue (not meant as a slight... I actually DO have a cognitive disorder).

Ev - posted on 04/19/2017

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I was giving the same advice for the first 14 or so postings. It seems to get more and more dense.

Dove - posted on 04/19/2017

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11 and 9 are both way too old to spank and no housekeeper should be monitoring whether or not an 11 year takes a bath. You aren't gone enough of the day to make that anyone's job, but yours.

If they are disrespectful to the housekeeper and swear at the housekeeper and they do not do these things w/ you... maybe they can do some of the chores of the housekeeper. Kind of like a... treat her w/ respect or see what her life is really like... kind of thing. They can do her chores while she sits and watches them do them... OR they can treat her w/ respect and get themselves up and ready for school on time. If they do not either treat her w/ respect or do her chores... then you will have to implement additional consequences (like no TV, no going over to friend's, whatever means something) once you are home.

This is parenting... not rocket science... and your repeating of the same questions and comments over and over again even though you've been given sufficient advice and suggestions leads me to believe that either you are trolling or you are an extremely dense individual.

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Sarah - posted on 04/19/2017

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Where do you live? Your kids are only 9 and 11 so to simply decide maybe you have failed them is a cop out. You don't need to be home more; millions of women work more hours than you, don't have a housekeeper and manage to raise kids. At 11, you can tell your son what to do in the shower and he can do it himself. You do not need to watch, inspect or judge. So what if he isn't an expert? Unless he smells, I'd leave him to figure it out.

Mary - posted on 04/19/2017

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I took your advice to stay at home and look after my children perhaps I have failed them .

Lynn

Mary - posted on 04/19/2017

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I am going to spend more time at home and take care of James and Bernice . James does not shower himself proper .

Lynn

Sarah - posted on 04/19/2017

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He is 11, he can bathe himself. Why do you think he cannot, and if he won't let you help him why would he be comfortable with the housekeeper? I have 4 kids, and all were showering themselves alone around 7-8. If they already get punished for not obeying the housekeeper, why do they continue to be rude?

Mary - posted on 04/19/2017

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They already have chores to do when they are naughty . I am going to spend more time at home .

Lynn

Mary - posted on 04/19/2017

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I just wanted help to make my home happy they already have chores to do if they don't obey . I will make sure James is ready for school in a morning and see that he goes . He will not let me bath him anymore he need to be bath properly .

Lynn

Sarah - posted on 04/19/2017

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No, it is not ok for your housekeeper to spank them. If you are gone for 5 to 8 hours you can discipline your kids yourself. Spanking them at this age is pointless. Set the rules, expect the kids to obey and when they don't hand down consequences. Take away TV time, social activities, add chores, take away technology. When they swear, make them pay a fine. If they are rude to the house keeper, make them write a letter of apology. Maybe they treat her badly because they are modeling the way you treat her. Your 11 yo can get himself up for school, if not, then you need to stay home and send him to school on time. Why would the housekeeper even need to check if he bathed? If you are simply looking for someone to tell you it is ok to let an employee beat you kids, you are not going to get that answer here.

Mary - posted on 04/19/2017

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I am away from home 5 to 8 hours would it be right for my house keeper to spank them both . James is 11 and Bernice 9 I am Mary and my second name is Lynn .

Mary

Sarah - posted on 04/19/2017

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Both of those problems can and should be handled by you and the father of the kids. What discipline do you use except taking laptop and phone away (which obviously is not working)?
Rules are rules and when kids break the rules, then they should expect consequences If you are not home in the morning to see your kids get up and off to school, maybe you need to hire a nanny rather than expect your housekeeper to wake him up. How many hours a day are you away from home?
Some of this is not making sense. In another thread you posted: "To keep family in a loving Christian life spanking know from right and wrong", you keep signing off as Lynn, but your name on your profile is Mary and you only have one child listed in your profile.

Mary - posted on 04/19/2017

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James a problem of getting up for school will noy let house keeper make sure he has a bath and answers back to house keeper .
Bernice swears at house keeper her room not kept tidy .

Lynn

Sarah - posted on 04/19/2017

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So what is the problem, if she has cared for these kids for 5 years, why are they not being obedient now? What are some examples of their behavior? At 9 and 11 why on earth to they have phones and laptops of their own?

Mary - posted on 04/18/2017

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My housekeeper has been employed for over 5 years here she knows the routine of the house hold . James is 11 and Bernice 9 .

Lynn

Sarah - posted on 04/18/2017

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when you hired your housekeeper, childcare should have been discussed. While you can expect the children to obey house rules etc, discipline is the job of the parents. How old are the kids and how long has your housekeeper worked for your family?

Mary - posted on 04/18/2017

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They do have their phone's and laptops removed if required .

Susan
House keeper

Michelle - posted on 04/18/2017

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Ev has said it plenty of times.
You need to have consequences for them not following rules. Examples of consequences are: taking away technology, grounding them, making them do extra chores. Take away things that they like to do.
Spanking is not effective at this age, it's abuse. You need to earn their respect. You need to have house rules that have consequences if not followed. Then the person in charge needs to action the consequence. It's not that hard to follow.

Mary - posted on 04/17/2017

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tHEY ARE TO KEEP THEIR ROOMS TIDY AND BE READY FOR SCHOOOL ON TIME COME STRAIGHT HOME FROM SCHOOL . hELP TO SET TABLE ALSO TO HELP HOUSE KEEPER AT TIMES .

Lynn

Ev - posted on 04/17/2017

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I told you time and again to get some rules and consequences for those rules set up and be firm and consistent when putting them into affect. You know your kids. Use their favorite things and take it from them until they can learn to do what it is you want to see them do. Still without know what kind of issues you have I can not help you.

Mary - posted on 04/17/2017

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I will ask my house keeper to go to book shop for Dr. James Dobson books . I f member of this site can help me and my house keeper on discipline me children would like to hear from them .

Lynn

Ev - posted on 04/17/2017

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You have given a lot of information in any of your posts to get an idea what is going on with your kids. That was advice. Dr. James Dobson is a reliable authority on kids' behavior and how to handle it. I read his books and got some great insight for my daughter when she was little.

Ev - posted on 04/17/2017

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Ask around, someone may know where to go. You could also check your library for Dr. James Dobson and his books. He is a child psychologist with immense experience as a father and with children. He has written books on how to deal with different kinds of kids and things you can do with them. But it sounds like you may not have been disciplining them much at all when they were little to now.

Mary - posted on 04/17/2017

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No parenting classes I know of in this area that's the reason I joined this site .

Lynn ,

Mary - posted on 04/17/2017

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Dad has spank them on occasions I have notice with James getting older does not like his pants and underwear pulled down he's at that age where he has feelings . He complains stood in corner bare bum .

Lynn and Reg (husband)

Ev - posted on 04/17/2017

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If they are both older children, no spanking is not the answer. You need to set the rules up with dad and the consequences. I have no idea what your family is like. That is best advice anyone can give you.

Go take parenting classes.

Mary - posted on 04/17/2017

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I would like more advice on what to do to tach the children . Does spanking help like I do .

Lynn

Ev - posted on 04/17/2017

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You both should have been keeping them in line since the first day of life. Teaching them, showing them by example, and making them understand what is expected. You can not expect them to obey someone else if they do not obey you already.

Mary - posted on 04/17/2017

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I need help in discipline the children with my housekeeper . My husband is here he should give them more rules and takes more responsibly .

Lynn

Ev - posted on 04/17/2017

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You need more than spanking at this age. You need a good set of rules and consequences and then let the children know of those and their behavior will not be tolerated if it is against the rules and that the housekeeper has as much authority as you do...where is the father?

Mary - posted on 04/17/2017

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I had a chat with my housekeeper and she has my permission to spank the children when needed . I have given her instructions .

Lynn

Ev - posted on 04/17/2017

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I just gave you that advice on the second point I made:

Quoted from first post I made: Second, if you plan to allow your housekeeper/nanny do the same, she must be on the same page as you under your instructions of what is allowed in the discipline of your children.

Mary - posted on 04/17/2017

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I use to spank them bare bum and stood in corner before sent to their room .

Lynn

Mary - posted on 04/16/2017

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I already discipline children when needed but I am more busy now with my employment which provides for us all . James now 11 is a growing boy Bernice has started to develop . How is the best way for I and my house keeper to discipline my 2 children .

Ev - posted on 04/16/2017

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First, you have to be the one to discipline the kids. You have to set up rules and consequences for their actions and be consistent and firm with that. Second, if you plan to allow your housekeeper/nanny do the same, she must be on the same page as you under your instructions of what is allowed in the discipline of your children.

Mary - posted on 04/16/2017

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House keeper looks after my children while I look after my employment . Is it right for house keeper to discipline children and how does she do it .

Ev - posted on 04/16/2017

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Is yourhousekeeper also charged with direct care of your kids? is it part of her job functions?

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