Childrens father getting out of jail in 4 months....

Crystal - posted on 01/09/2014 ( 14 moms have responded )

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The father of my 18month old and 7 year old daughters has been in jail for a few months now...gets out in a few more...recovering from a very bad drug problem, is getting the help he needs right now where he is at. I have been with him for 13 years, since we were 17...we have been through everything you can think of. He constantly writes me letters saying that this time he is going to do the right thing and be here for me and the kids, I just don't want to let him back in their lives if there is a possibility of him screwing up again... my 7 year old really really loves her daddy and see's nothing wrong with him in her eyes...and I want him to be here for my youngest as well...I don't really know what to do...

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Crystal - posted on 01/10/2014

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Ik Christina, he has relapsed several times before....so im hoping this time is the time...its like playing Russian roulette

Christina - posted on 01/10/2014

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Same situation...my sons father got out after doing 5 years... After 3 months he is back on everything. The best thing I did was tell him when he got out he had to prove to me and the world he's changed. I'm glad I didn't let him move back in because he hasn't changed. I'm not saying this always happens but I left it up to him. He. Chose drugs. Fact is over 90 percent addicts relapse.

Jodi - posted on 01/09/2014

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Leela, no-one has "thumped" anyone, I think you must be misreading blunt honesty for something different.

Crystal - posted on 01/09/2014

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I know !! I def. didn't think I would get a lot of responses I have lol...but yes , we have been writing back and forth and I have told him that I think it would be a good idea if when he got out, that he got a job and held it for a few months and see if he can support himself for a while before he jumps right back into my house .... Its just my oldest daughter cant WAIT for him to get home, so Im kind of torn...and I wont let him hurt her like he did by getting himself in trouble again...thanks

Leela - posted on 01/09/2014

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Wow Crystal, I'm sure you didn't think you'd get the response below. This site is supposed to be powered by respect not thumps. Anyway I think I commented on another thread u have. This is a good time to create a plan for when he's out of jail. My father is an alcoholic and I do know what it's like. They don't change unless they want to. So let him know that you need to see some concrete changes from him. He can still see the kids but you will be present until you see these improvements. Let him know that as much as possible you will support him but you have two kids who need you and it's up to him now. Take it slow, be open but also be prepared in case things don't work out. Check your child services dept for advice.

Crystal - posted on 01/09/2014

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im sure in certain circumstances......there are many different types of circumstances....and mine is different.

Jodi - posted on 01/09/2014

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"no judge in their right mind would grant custody full/or visiting rights to a heroin addict."

Hate to tell you, but yes they would......generally supervised, but yes, they do get visitation rights.

Actually, they sometimes get custody, depending on circumstances. I have a student who has an open child protection case (and I have personally also reported) who remains with her heroin addicted mother.

So I just wanted to put that out there.....

Crystal - posted on 01/09/2014

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I have supported him through rehab and recovery many times...and its more than not wanting him around because he is "stoned" ....a heroin addict is far worse that a pot head...I wish he would have just smoked weed, and not turned to the hard stuff.... its not any life style to have around, esp. around children....he has had my support from day 1...but its not all about me and him, we have children too that I, as a mother, have to make sure they are safe and secure with whatever is going on In our lives....

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/09/2014

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How about, rather than borrow trouble by worrying if he's going to get back into it, you support him through rehab and recovery? That takes a hell of alot more effort than simply walking away with the kids because you don't want to have him be around them if he's stoned.

Crystal - posted on 01/09/2014

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your right its not okay to keep children from their father, I agree 100%...I want nothing more than to have a "normal" family for our children because we both did not have that growing up....and if it came down to the whole court thing..which it only would if he was to get back into the heroin and think he would be seeing his kids because he wont! and no judge in their right mind would grant custody full/or visiting rights to a heroin addict...so I have nothing to worry about there...I don't want it to come down to that believe me, but there is always that possibility that it will...so I am just trying to make the right choice, that is all

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/09/2014

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Married a recovered meth addict, tyvm, so don't play the "you haven't been there" crap card.

Go ahead and don't give a shit what the courts say...and then we'll see you back crying because the kids got given to their father to raise because you didn't want to follow a court order.

You asked for advice on what to do. My advice is to not withhold the kids from their biological father. You post on an open, international internet forum, so you really can't say who's going to respond and who isn't. My reading comprehension is just fine, tyvm...I comprehend that you're contemplating not letting a biological parent be a part of their children's lives. That's not ok, and i'm not ever going to tell you that it is.

Crystal - posted on 01/09/2014

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Isnt there any one else that comments on this site lol? Let me first start off by saying I would NEVER keep my kids from their father, I don't think you have ever lived with a heroin addict before or been in my shoes so before you comment on someones post I would do a ltitle thinking first....and what I WANT is the best for my kids, and that's not an unstable person in their lives...I have given him over 1000 chances to get his shit right, and I don't give a flying #$#$#% what courts say, I have not even gotten to that point yet and I don't want to...the topic of this wasn't me withholding his rights to see his kids, it was whether or not to take the chance of him going back to drugs when he gets out and letting him back into my home with the kids right away....I see that you comment a lot on peoples posts, I would suggest to learn how to read first...thank you though for your comment

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/09/2014

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Just because he's been in jail doesn't mean that he's going to screw up the kids lives. They'll stand more chance of being screwed up if you withhold his rights to see his kids.

And, really, the courts won't even consider NOT allowing him to see his children, because they want to encourage the relationship, not bar it. What you WANT is not the point here. What is best for the children involved is.

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