ChildSupport Questions/what will you do?

MONA - posted on 09/15/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )

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.My caseworker reviewed my ChildSupport. In North Carolina the law is to review ChildSupport every 3 years. My increase was $200 more. I decided to give him a chance and let the amount be 325.00 because we agreed on what he needs to do but he just lie too bad. I don't know if I made a mistake by not increasing it because he never kept a promise......I prayed about it but was do quickly to tell the case worker to let the payments stay at 325.00 from increasing to 554.00. What would you do?

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MONA - posted on 09/16/2012

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Thank you so so much. I'm going to see my caseworker tomorrow and tell her I change my mind and want to proceed with the review increase.....

Bobbie - posted on 09/16/2012

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Mona,

Just checked on responsibility of childcare cost for Non Custodial Parent (NCP) It is different from state to state. It can be added to the order from child support services as well but will be set according to the state you live in. He should be paying 50/50 of costs directly to provider of care. Your sister is a family provider of care and can therefor be signed up as the full time daycare provider of Jordin. A cost should be decided that you determine that you state you pay her for her services before you submit costs of daycare. In other words, you can't tell your case worker that you WANT to put her in day care, you have to say YOU HAVE HER IN DAY CARE and request to have the rules applied to him paying his share. IF IT CUTS DOWN ON YOUR TOTAL OF SUPPORT YOU DECIDE IF IT IS WORTH IT SINCE YOU WILL NEED CARE IN THE SUMMER WHEN SHE ISN'T IN SCHOOL AND ON NON SCHOOL DAYS. YOU ALSO WILL BE GETTING MORE MONEY FOR SUPPORT TO WHICH TO DRAW FROM :)

Bobbie - posted on 09/16/2012

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HERE IS AN EXCERPT FROM THE LEGAL INFORMATION ON NON CUSTODIAL PARENT (YOUR EX) REQUIREMENT TO COVER THE CHILD WITH HIS INSURANCE PLAN

(READ THE FOUR PARAGRAPHS BELOW)





Q1-4: Must a medical child support order be issued by a State court?

No. Any judgment, decree, or order that is issued by a court of competent jurisdiction or an administrative agency authorized to issue child support orders under State law (such as a State child support enforcement agency) that provides for medical support of a child is a medical child support order.





Q1-5: Who can be an alternate recipient?

Any child of a participant in a group health plan who is recognized under a medical child support order as having a right to enrollment under the plan with respect to such participant is an alternate recipient.







Q1-6: What information must a medical child support order contain to be a “qualified” order?

A medical child support order must contain the following information in order to be qualified:



The name and last known mailing address of the participant and each alternate recipient. The order may substitute the name and mailing address of a State or local official for the mailing address of any alternate recipient;



A reasonable description of the type of health coverage to be provided to each alternate recipient (or the manner in which such coverage is to be determined) ; and





Q1-7: What other requirements must a medical child support order meet in order to be a “qualified” order?

An order may not require a plan to provide any type or form of benefit, or any option, not otherwise provided under the plan, except to the extent necessary to meet the requirements of certain State laws described in Q1-8 below.

Bobbie - posted on 09/16/2012

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He is lying to you again about the insurance plan taking support total down. There is also no way a lawyer would tell him anything of the sort. It is LAW in all 50 states that if he has coverage at work he MUST place her on his insurance plan. It is not considered a contribution in his column of costs towards the owed support. HOWEVER, I am not sure if there was separation agreement that stipulated the custody, amount of support and amount of daycare. There can be an additional request made by you that you must now use daycare and that full cost FALLS INTO YOUR COLUMN OF NEEDS WHICH WOULD CHANGE THE AMOUNT OF SUPPORT YOU GET, IT WOULD GO UP!!!!!! . Okay, I think you are smelling the coffee now. I mean how many times will he lie to you? Endlessly right? He is in it for himself without thought or concern of what you do without.

Since your little one is getting off school at 2 pm if you were to request daycare vouchers from your case worker you would be able to put her in an after school daycare where she rode a bus to the daycare and was there until you picked up after you got some much needed sleep.

Also, find more friends to talk to, such as me :) And leave him out of your decisions. Sounds as if he acts like the support person in your life just to get the info from you. He is your ex for a reason, remember that when he acts all sweet and supportive :)

MONA - posted on 09/16/2012

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Thank You for the word of encouragement. I work at night and get off in the am. I pick my daughter up from my sister house and take her to school, which is Pre-K. The school she is attending doesn't have after school programs. My daughter goes from 8am-2pm. I pick her up and spend time with her until it's time for me to go to work. When he's working 3pm-11pm and 111pm-7am he's suppose to pick her up but he did it for a week and lied about his hours so he wouldn't have to get out of his bed at 1pm and get his daughter drop her off to me or spend time with her. He wants to rest Alday until 10pm and go to work. He only wants to spend time with her wen it's convient for him.... He only bother with her on Saturdays for a couple hours and bring her back.... I've been dealing with his lies and this situation going in 4 years and I'm tired. You are right "I should cut all constant conversation with him and not indulge in his pitty". I'm going to call the caseworker the first thing Monday morning or go by there. Also he told me his lawyer said if Jordin be put on his insurance I will get less ChildSupport for her but don't understand because she's on Medicade...

Bobbie - posted on 09/16/2012

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I will pray for you and your family as well. I will also pray that you grow a little stronger every day to know that you have within you the strength to do that is necessary without thoughts of suicide. The doesn't give us more than he knows we can handle. You sound like you have a very kind heart, that is a good thing. But when someone, such as your ex tries to fill your head with guilt or concern about his problems, just pray for them! No one deserves to be kicked in the teeth over and over again my friend. But at some point and time when we have been kicked hard and often we start to accept it and expect. No more, Find strength to make good choices every day. Stop operating your life on auto pilot making the same mistakes. We need to drive our own lives to get where we need to go.

Example: I use to eat out for lunch every day because I felt so down and it was my way of treating myself to a little happiness. Well, that is what I told myself. As the weight when on I felt worse and cared less. I stopped eating out when someone told me to consider the ridiculous amount of money spent. I realized that I also stopped for a coffee every morning. When put together along with a snack purchase or two I was spending $10 a day without realizing it! I started packing my lunch 4 days a week and still eating out on Fridays, but with friends/co workers to make it a real treat. I didn't buy a coffee every morning but purchased a pretty cup and super nice lunch box instead. Just that little change made me feel so good and I started doing looking at other choices I made on auto pilot every day that cost my emotional, physical, or financial health.

Be good to yourself, learn and grow every day, and be the complete woman you wish your daughter to grow to be. If you see yourself as a victim you will act like one and will be treated as one. Which is to say, those who view you as a victim, will dismiss you as weak, lazy or whinny, Prove to them all that you are none of these things, that you are a strong woman making good choices.

INCREASE ~ Don't only pray that it isn't too late. Make sure that it isn't. Speak to the caseworker immediately Monday morning by calling in and leaving her a msg very early. Then follow up with her at the next available time you can call. No excuses about not being able to use a phone at work or any other victim type of response. When you need to make something happen you make it happen. It will then build you confidence~!!!!! Go get what you and your daughter deserve from him.

#1ALSO ~ Address IN THIS INCREASE DISCUSSION with the case worker about insurance!!!!! Did you know that if he has insurance through his job HE MUST COVER YOUR DAUGHTER BY LAW WITH HIS INSURANCE? He must provide you with an insurance card to use for all her care. **If you know his place of business offers insurance that is all it takes. He can't turn down insurance for himself through his employer just to keep from paying the premiums and covering her.

#2~ Asking him to assist you in the daily schedule of your daughter only stresses you and your daughter both. Make other permanent arrangements for her. Call the school to see if they have after school / in school daycare. I believe all schools have this now. The cost should not be considered a reason to not enroll her. This will ensure she isn't left stranded, you aren't causing stress or issues with your boss for constant needs to leave early and he looses all power to upset your routine and upset your daughter.

#3~ Cut off constant conversations with him. You may be too close to him. It sure sounds like it since you would not take an increase though you have had the misfortune you outlined in your response. This sounds harsh I know but the reality is you put him above the needs of your own daughter. When she was sick and you needed stay home with her you two went with less due to your loss of income while I am sure his life just purred right along.

#4 ~ Move on with your life with dignity and respect for yourself. That money coming from him is to live a better life for your daughter. If he is paying his rightful amount towards her care then your income can go towards things for you. DON'T FEEL GUILTY, YOU ARE EARNING MONEY FOR THE THINGS YOU DESERVE. If you drive a nicer car, live better, and have more independence from him it isn't because he gives you more. It is because you are free to apply your hard earned money to living rather than it all going to try to raise her and survive.

MONA - posted on 09/16/2012

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Thank You for the support. When I'm out of work with my daughter bc she's sick and her asthma I don't get paid for it. There are times when my check is only 400.00 dollars. I couldn't afford to pay my rent I have to get loans for light bill, rent and clothes for me and my child. Shoes for my daughter bc she's constantly growing. I have spells that sometimes I want to commit suicide but I pray that negative feeling away and bc my daughter needs me and I need her. I had to move back in with my parents. My mom is the only one whose working and my daddy is on disability. He was diagnosis with cancer a couple years ago but got it removed and had major back surgery. Please pray for me and keep me in prayer....

MONA - posted on 09/16/2012

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Well he is making more money... Way too much and he kept complaining about his bills so I felt sorry for him and decided to just let it stay the same but I pray that's it's not too late to change my mind about the increase. His agreement was to pick our daughter up from school when he has to work 3pm-11pm shifts and 11pm-7am. She gets out 2pm everyday. He doesn't hold his end and Im tire of arguing with him about money and asking him to do favors such as picking our child up from school.

Bobbie - posted on 09/16/2012

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The law is set there to ensure that parents do not make errors in personal choices. You can not sign away your child's rights to support. I would step back and tell the case worker that she is to proceed with the amount the law requires he pays. Apparently he is giving you a sob story. A 200 increase shows that he is making a ton more money than he tells you about.

It's time to wake up and smell the coffee and let the system work for you and your children so they get what they deserve! It IS about them and their needs after all! Don't need the money to survive? That doesn't mean you can't put it in a saving for their college or start a great allowance for them to be able to pull from when they have those huge costing extras for school that you normally can't afford to give them.

Michelle - posted on 09/16/2012

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If he isn't upholding his end of the bargain I would have increased his support. Support only gets increases if they are making more money.

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