Christmas with the In Law

Jennifer - posted on 12/18/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have a delima I really need help with. I have 3 kids (2 from a previous marriage) ever since my youngest was born (2011) my mother in law has asked to come over on Christmas morning to see his reaction to santa leaving presents. I understood an agreed the first 2 years but this year her boyfriend's daughter is going to be in town. She is asking to still come over on Christmas morning, I feel odd letting them with his daughter but she insists the girl only wants to see my youngest son, nevermind the rest of us or my older two boys (which is another discussion in itself).
The boyfriend is actually a fiance and has been in the picture for a very long time but his daughter has only met me 3 times. I offered to let my mom in law bring her gifts to the house too so I wouldn't feel as ackward about the situation, she kind of laughed at me and said they would not be brining their gifts to my house to open but would open them when they got home. My husband doesn't care if they are there but I just feel like it should be my family. We will also be at their house on Christmas Eve and then my family will be over to my house on Christmas afternoon so it's not like we won't see them.

Help! What should I do? and I have told my husband but it really doesn't seem to bother him and he just ignores me thinking I will get over it.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/18/2013

13,264

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2015

well, here's the thing. It's not YOUR fault that your mother gets less time with the child than his mother does. She makes the choice to be around, and your mother, for whatever reason, does not. It doesn't make your mom bad, just different from his mom. And it doesn't mean YOU need to feel guilty because she's not there as often.

And you also have to understand that, while we'd like everyone to treat all of our children equally, that doesn't always happen. Your two elder children are not her biological grandkids, and there's no law that says she's got to treat them the same. Yes, it would be NICE if she did, but you can't force her to do so. I'd hope that their biological grandparents spend time with them, though!

So, just send everyone a note this year, telling them that you're "revamping" Christmas for your family, so that you can spend time with everyone. Have his family on Christmas eve, your immediate family (no grandparents) on Christmas morning, and your folks either for Christmas dinner, or the day after. Don't go into a lot of detail, just something like "The Smiths are starting a new family tradition. Please respect our wishes by helping us get this started"

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/18/2013

13,264

21

2015

If you don't like it, you don't like it, but you need to grow a spine and put your foot down. You should have done so if you wanted Christmas morning to be your immediate family, from the get go.

That's what I"m pointing out here. You've already "sucked it up", hoping that eventually she'd stop wanting to be there. That hasn't happened.

Sounds like you and your husband need to sit down and communicate with each other and your families about this, and the sooner the better, my dear...you only have a week left.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/18/2013

13,264

21

2015

So....???

I guess I don't see what's wrong here. Your mother in law wants to see her grandson on Christmas morning, you've already set a 'tradition' of sorts by having her over on Christmas morning since the birth of the kid...and now, because she's going to be including her blended family in the event you don't want them? Is that what you're saying?

If you want Christmas morning, to be just your immediate family, (you, hubby, kids) then you need to voice that now, and be ready with explanations of why you wish the sudden change, and ready to deal with hurt feelings and misunderstandings.

To be quite honest, I'm reading this as you don't wish to have the blended family participate in your Christmas morning, which makes not a lot of sense if you've already let MIL participate for years.

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