Clingy Baby

Alicia - posted on 04/12/2012 ( 45 moms have responded )

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I have a nine month old little boy who never lets me put him down unless we are at home. He wont allow anyone else to hold him or comfort him. Its really hard especially when you need 5 minutes of alone time. He will sleep all night but still by the time I have my other 2 children who are 2 and 10 down its late and I'm so tired I can't hold my eyes open. My husband works two jobs and doesn't get home until really late, so its generally just me taking care of the kids. I'm at my whits end everyone says he's just a bad baby but as long as we are home he is fine. I don't know what else to do my other two girls never acted like this.

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Medic - posted on 04/12/2012

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I understand that...but I believe it is one of those 'don't knock it till you try it' things. I also think its one thing you have to try out many different options before you find the one that works.

I feel my opinion is just as valid and allowed as anyone elses.

Medic - posted on 04/12/2012

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He is just a baby.... why don't you sling him? I think trying to force kids to accept independence before they are ready can lead to problems later. Kids that are reassured and feel safe and secure tend to be more confident, independent children. Just keep telling yourself the cheesy phrase "this too shall pass" because it will and you will hardly remember it.

Rachel - posted on 04/13/2012

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Ok, first of all, there is no such thing as a bad baby. It breaks my heart to hear people say such things. Babies need their mamas. What is the crime in that? I know how exhausting it can be because my 2 year old son is the exact same way. The more you fight it, the unhappier you will both be. He will get more independent as he gets older, but if you force it before he's ready it could affect his confidence later on in life. What worked best for me and my little clinger was a good carrier (like this: https://www.facebook.com/babyktan ). This way he got to be close to me and I got to have my hands free! You mentioned that your girls never acted this way. I have begun to think it is a mommy/son thing. Hold him close while you can and in doing so you will be doing the absolute best thing for him. I really feel for you, though. I know it can be so taxing. You may find some encouragement in this Dr. Sears book: http://www.amazon.com/The-Attachment-Par...

Sylvia - posted on 04/13/2012

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I had that baby :) He's not a bad baby, he's just himself -- some babies are what they call "high need", and it sounds like you have one of those. Of course, I only had the one, which made it easier, but honestly if it hadn't been for the baby sling I would have lost my mind. I know baby-wearing is not for everybody, but it's at least worth a try! The thing about babies is, they don't necessarily care if you're actually focusing on them, as long as they get to be close to you -- you can totally read a bedtime story to your older kids while nursing the baby :) (My sister became the champion of this when her youngest was a baby, because said youngest was a 28-week preemie and nursed ALL THE TIME. After a while middle kid, who was about 4, started announcing that her sister was hungry every time she wanted mummy to read her a story ;))

BTW, my high-need baby is now a very independent (but still snuggly!) almost-10-year-old who puts herself to bed, packs her own lunch, walks herself to and from school, and does her chores with only minimal reminding ;) There is hope!!

Anna - posted on 04/13/2012

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He's just a high needs baby, mine was too. A baby carrier will save your life. Baby will be happy and you'll be able to go about your business. Although high needs babies seem like a lot of work, if you respond to their high needs, you'll be greatly rewarded with a very loving, kind, and happy baby - almost no tantrums.

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Gillian - posted on 04/27/2012

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He's not bad,he just love to be in the comfort of your arms.As the saying goes "this too shall pass"lol.Enjoy your baby!

Christina - posted on 04/17/2012

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My son is 4 years old and has been like that since he was born. We had to pull him out of daycare for a year because it was so traumatic for him to be separated from me during the day. The daycare said he was crying off an on all day long. I wish I had some advice, but I don't. He has gotten a little better. He still hates daycare and doesn't want to even go see his dad (we are not currently together). My mom and his sisters are the only ones who are acceptable substitutes for me.
Sorry I can't help, but if it makes you feel any better, he isn't the only baby like that.

Gail - posted on 04/16/2012

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My son was super clingy all of the time, he also had cystic fibrosis. But when we went to the doctors he thought they were family and would go to them because he was used to going to them. Do you go out a lot or just a little bit? If you only go out a little bit then try going to one place every day for a little bit and see if it gets any better.

Courtney - posted on 04/16/2012

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both of my children are very very very clingy. my daughter cant go potty without me in the bathroom with her. and my son doesn't want anyone except me. in my eyes that's perfectly normal and how it should be...after all we did carry the child for 9months and birth the child they are bound to be clingy and attached to us (their mother).

you do not have a bad baby... he just wants his mommy! now if hes still acting this way at age 16 id be worried..

Markita - posted on 04/16/2012

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First of all he is not a bad boy, I can't believe people are telling you that. He may be hard to handle, but boys generally are harder in the beginning. All these snuggles and all this holding you're dong is strengthening your bond with him, do you really want him to think that loving you is a bad thing? He loves you and needs you, a lot. Get a front carrier and put him in that so you have your hands free. Embrace it because while he's a mama's boy now, but the time he's 9 he won't be.

Sherri - posted on 04/15/2012

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@Kelly LOL all my kids know, and 2 of my kids are now 15 & 13. Trust me knowing they were a good baby or a terrible baby has not hurt them in the least. They truly were either fairly good babies or horrible babies. Why is this going to hurt them it is fact. It certainly didn't mean I loved them any less because they had different personalities and they all knew that. In all actuality because my 2nd child was so needy and just wanted mommy even though he was the spawn of satan I was probably closest to him as a baby and toddler. He is now going on 14 is a great kid, rarely a problem and obviously grew out of being such a horrible baby to being quite an amazing young man. So why exactly should I be reported to CPS?? They actually think it is funny to hear the stories of their childhood.

Sheila - posted on 04/15/2012

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I am probably the oldest person posting. I have raised 3 children to adulthood. And I can agree with most of the women when they say all the children have different personalities. My oldest my the perfect baby,my middle was cranky, temperamental-well just a typical little girl. Now my oldest, who I breastfed was the stage 5 clinger. He didn't like people, he was very anti-social. He literally clung to my leg when I took in to Sunday School. When he was 2 I would have to sit in the car and have discussions about why he had to go to school and I had to go to work. I discovered that a baby carrier was my best bet. I was able to get other stuff done around the house when he he was going through the a "moment" and didn't want to be put down. I will tell you this he did grow out of it, he ended up being extremely independent. He travels the world by himself and lives by himself. So hang in there it is just a matter of time.

Shari - posted on 04/15/2012

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For the woman who had the audacity for calling you 'deranged' and said she should report you to CPS...I hope you recognize how absolutely uncalled for, judgmental and arrogant your comments were. Get a life sweetheart...we all have moments! (Unless of coure you're perfect????)

Alicia - I too had a very fussy baby. He had extreme separation anxiety (my first child did not...) It was frustrating at times...big time! Like you, ds wouldn't let my husband do anything! (Even though he's very good and involved father...) So, I did the slow-but-sure separation tactic with him. It was so bad that I couldn't lay him down for a nap and leave. So I sat in a chair RIGHT beside his crib while he fell asleep. Then, I moved to the corner of the room, to the door, just outside the door etc. It honestly worked. I also did this slow-but-sure system during the day. Putting him down and slwoly increasing the distance I would put between himself and me.

He did get past this stage...slowly, but it DID pass. My son was just a higher needs baby than my first child. They are all so different you have to just experiment with what works. I wish you all the luck! Hang in there!

Julia - posted on 04/15/2012

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I'm not sure if he has been like this since he was born, but at approximately the nine month age babies go through a normal developmental stage of seperation anxiety, even if you are a stay at home mom. It can lead to them even not wanting to sleep as they see it as time away from you. It is why you will see a few other posts about "mine was exactly the same at this age!" It is normal...but hard! Apparently it is them realising that you leave, and they are not sure if you will return. Games like peek-a-boo help them, as well as saying bye, leaving the room, and coming straight back with a big smile/clap hands, over and over again. Although it is really hard when you have 2 others! Stay strong xxx

Kellyney - posted on 04/15/2012

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You are a deranged woman, I feel like I am doing your children an injustice by not reporting you to cps... I mean I'm a mom of two little boys with our final addition on the way in 10 days and some days I think I am exhausted, drained and done..but I would never call my babies "truly bad" or satans spawn" you sound unbalanced and like an idiot. I hope your children don't hear you sweet nicknames, well the the evil, bad ones anyway...smh.

Cathe - posted on 04/14/2012

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I had a very "clingy" baby as well. He would not go to anyone else. I have 5 kids, heturned out to be the absolutely easiest child to raise. I have never told him to do homework or chores. very self motivated and a go getter...let him be who he is, which for right now a clingy baby...I remember those long nights alone when my kids were young as my hubby went to school at night after work..it will get easier..bless you!

Donna - posted on 04/14/2012

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This is also my second child!! She is still clingy & just turned 3. She has NEVER slept a whole night though!. She has recently been diagnosed with Pyrrole Disorder (her body doesn't absorb zinc & Vitamin B6) this affects behaviour, anxiety, the feel good hormones melatonin & seratonin in the brain, sleep, skin, allergies etc. My little girl had bad eczema & severe allergies to deal with. Her general health is improving as she gets older. I had to use baby carriers otherwise we would never have survived. If left alone she would get so distressed & scratch her eczema till it bled. I am so glad we were attentive to her & tried to meet her needs as much as possible because she had a reason why she was like that. All children have different personalities, some need more attention than others & some have medical reasons why they are like this. If your baby doesn't feel good its more reasuring to be with mum than on their own or with someone esle. I understand how difficult it is as I live with it everyday too! Some days/nights (mine is a 24/7 job!) I think I can't keep doing it, but you keep going because you're a mum & your little one needs you. My husband has taken our daughter to get groceries a few times for up to 2hrs & thats all the break I've had from her day or night in 3yrs. My daughter has prolong breastfed too as she is allergic to all other milks.I have special diet cooking (everything my daughter consumes & I have to be on her diet to feed her) & normal cooking as well to try & fit into my days. My daughter was worse around the 9 month mark as well, so developmentally I think its very normal. I'm not trying to diagnose your child but it may be something to keep in mind if things don't improve as your child gets older. Wishing you all the best.

Pamela - posted on 04/14/2012

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Who's in charge? The 9 month old or you? Perhaps you simply need to be FIRM and put him down to do whatever it is you need to do when you are away from home.

The alternative is to get a back pack and carry him on your back everywhere, which can be just as tiresome as carrying him, but at least your hands are free!

I have always encouraged my children to be independent. I did not have a "clinger" as you seem to have. Since he is fine at home it seems that this is a question of insecurity away from home. Get the back pack or choose to solve the problem by putting him down outside of his comfort zone (home) and helping him to learn to TRUST being free no matter where he is located.

Are you giving him something familiar to hold when you put him down outside of the home? A favorite toy, book....etc.? That might help as well.

Hope this is helpful!

Vereena - posted on 04/14/2012

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It sounds like your son has an intense case of strange danger. Have you had him evaluated by his pediatrician? Sometimes things like this can and often are signs of an underlying condition. And please do not let people tell you he is a "bad baby". I would not put up with that, I'd tell them straight out to stop saying that because your son - even at the age of 9 months - can understand what they are saying and it will eventually have a negative affect on him.

Wendy - posted on 04/14/2012

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I have 3 boys, all teenagers now, and all are very different. My middle son was one of those demanding/high-needs babies. He was a happy, good baby....just very demanding of my attention. As he approached age 1 he became increasingly anxious about being separated from me and even at home became upset if I would disappear out of his sight. I remember clearly how upset he would get if I even went into the restroom without him for 2 minutes....he would stand at the door crying until I reappeared, even if I was talking to him through the door to reassure him. LOL :o) Sadly, he would cry the whole time I was gone grocery shopping, even though he was with his Dad while I went grocery shopping! I'd leave him crying at the door and return and find him still crying for me at the front door. I would feel TERRIBLE. Needless to say I usually ended up taking both boys shopping with me. (And, he was the complete opposite of my first baby/son!)



As he got older things didn't change though. At church I ended up having to go to Nursery with him every Sunday or he'd cry the entire time (18mo's to 3yrs) despite several attempts/strategies to get him to be comfortable without me. When he was 4 I got him into a preschool program and ended up being a regular volunteer in order for him to go. Even then he would constantly question me about whether I would really go and STAY with him.... afraid I would sneak out when he wasn't looking. That little boy watched me like a HAWK! He never seemed to be able to relax and just have fun. :o( It truly was heartbreaking.



Then the fun really began in elementary school. There were many days, almost all, that I had to take him to school while he was crying, pry his little hands off the headrests and literally carry him into the school fighting me the whole way. I would leave him there crying for me, and then I'd cry the whole way home!! He was a big boy for his age too, so it didn't take long before I had to call for assistance from the principal to help me get my son out of the car and inside the school. There were times we'd get him inside and he'd bolt outside. I have vivid memories of sitting in the principal's office watching my son on surveillance camera's outside the building to keep an eye on him and to know where we/they should go to go "catch" him. :o/ Fortunately he was too scared to go far!



I believe it was about 2nd grade when I took him to see a therapist. The therapist couldn't make any progress with him because he would hide under my chair, in a corner, or wherever he could avoid interaction with the therapist. He wouldn't respond to her at ALL even after several appointments, and with me IN the room the whole time the first several appointments too. She then referred us to a psychiatrist for an official diagnosis. My son was finally diagnosed as having Social Anxiety Disorder and was put on Zoloft and scheduled for regular therapy with a therapist again. THREE WEEKS LATER (after starting on Zoloft) my son was getting ready for school on his own, going to school willingly, and getting out of the car by himself, waiving goodbye to me and saying "I love you, Mommy", and RUNNING into the school BY HIMSELF!! The transformation was amaaaaaaazing!! And quick!!



As he's grown it's been a constant struggle though. His medication has to be constantly monitored to adjust for his growth and he's struggled with school and his anxiety even up until today, despite therapy and medication, but NEVER as bad as it was when he was little. He's doing pretty well though considering everything and is still a happy, funny, very GOOD ( :o) even at 17!) child.



Never lose hope and always look for answers and help! Your baby is not "bad". When/if you realize it's not just a "phase", seek professional help asap. It will help you and your baby avoid a lot of stress, tears, anxiety, and for you, guilt, if you take action sooner than later. Good luck!

Karen - posted on 04/14/2012

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My son went through a clingy stretch about the same age. He just needed to get used to being out. Every different social situation was different on how I let my son know that I wasn't going to leave him forever in a "strange place." Sometimes it was reassurance that I was not far away. In the instance of the day care at the local recreation center where I take class, it was getting him distracted with a toy and "sneaking" out. After a few times, he got used to it, realized that it was fun, now he tells me "Bye-bye Mommy, see you later" when I leave. Maybe your older kids can be a buffer? "look, see, your sister is here, Mommy will be right back." My son still has apprehensions about new people and places, but just enough that I know he won't just go running off in a new place.

Teresa - posted on 04/14/2012

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I would say he will out grow it he is still young and he is most comfortable at home since you are his primary care giver its normal. If you want someone else to give you a break maybe your 10 year old might be able to help out at home more taking and keeping him occupied so you get some alone time but in the same house.

Alisha - posted on 04/14/2012

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Well I don't know how helpful this is but all 3 of mine as babies were clingy! I have a 10 year old daughter, who is now very independant and loves it (she stopped being clingy by age 4) and I have a 4 year old son who is still clingy to me during the day and daddy at night.......and he did the whole "needing someone in the bathroom with him till just recently, so that will go away :) )and then I have a 21 month old son, now he is still clingy but I have to tend to my other kids too and my house work needs to get done and we all need to eat so he gets used to the fact that he doesn't get held all the time at home......as for going anywhere, ya he likes to be held but I just use the "I will race you!" Or at the time before he was walking, I would say "too bad, mommy needs her space too....just play with the toys" and always bring toys with me and snacks and kept him right next to me! My 21 month old is still clingy but he's getting better and yours will too! Just hang tight and it will get better!



-Alisha

Terrie - posted on 04/14/2012

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My son was like this and it turned out that he had Autism. However, that is usually not the case. My sister had a child like this also but she was determined to break him of it. Tough love on a 9 month old is very hard and you don't exactly have to use tough love like you would with an older child. You can do this gradually. Start small. When you are out and about with a friend and you need a break. You need the friend to be willing to help by the way. Ask the friend to take your baby for fifteen minutes while you take a breather. You may be at their house so you step in another room with your cell phone and play a game or just text a friend and tell them how hard it is to listen to your child in the next room crying. When the minutes have laps come promptly back in, thank your friend and praise your baby for staying with them crying or not and shower with kisses and hugs. Believe me this is what I did. Eventually I was able to live my child for the fifteen minutes and then it became longer and longer. After that it went from leaving my baby with the friend to putting my baby on the floor in the room and my friend not picking them up. We also worked on me being in the same room and my son staying on the floor for so long at a time and we lengthen the minutes until finely he didn't mind being on the floor at all. Now, did I come up with this on my own, no someone who had an Autistic child told me about this. At the time I did not know my son was Autistic and didn't believe for a secound he was. But I was desparate for a bit of time alone and I had a willing friend. This worked. I am not saying your child is Autistic and would not begin to. I am saying that this will probably work for any child. My child just happened to be Autistic.

Gousia - posted on 04/14/2012

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They are all the same- there can be stranger anxiety issues- he clings coz he needs u-just a few months more dear.
Enjoy it till it lasts- he will soon be up n about n u will miss this - silly but true!

Jaci - posted on 04/14/2012

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I wear my baby a lot. He's 9 months and we have very similar issues. I prefer the moby wrap and my sister uses a sling. (The boys were born the same day). I have days when I am exhausted and just want to cry because he is so "high needs". My daughter was so independent so this is quite a switch for me. Good luck and try and fit some time in for you. I know its hard

Linda - posted on 04/14/2012

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Enjoy it!!! He will be crawling or walking soon and never hardly want held. They grow sooooo fast, this too shall pass

Reality - posted on 04/14/2012

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There are no bad babies geez people! Put the baby down in a carrier or pack n play - some place safe for them at that age - LET THEM CRY if they need to - eventually they will get over it and so will you! No one wants to deal with the stress either way but once you both learn - you both will be happier and healthier in the long run. Also it's ok if the baby cries when someone else holds them once again they will get over it.

Carol - posted on 04/13/2012

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Out of my four children, only one was clingy like your son. My older son cried if I was out of his sight until he was nearly two. He was just a sensitive little guy. I had one brother like this too. It seems strange now because he's 30 years old, broad-shouldered and has a dark beard. I did not feel able to leave him to cry, because he seemed genuinely afraid, although this was tough when I gave birth to his brother when he was only 18 months old. I had a home birth and a friend kept him downstairs while I was upstairs having the baby. I could hear him crying downstairs the whole time, fortunately a short labor. Once the baby arrived and was situated, my clingy boy snuggled up to me, sucking his thumb, and was satisfied. Yes, it was inconvenient to meet his security needs, but I'm not sorry. It wasn't really such a long time and he grew up to be secure and responsible.

Crystal - posted on 04/13/2012

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I hate to say this, but sometimes tough love is the best thing you can do for your kids. He's old enough now that a little bit of a temper tanturm (and you not caving) won't hurt him to much. (I'm NOT saying let him get to the point of struggling to breathe or ignoring him completely!) However, there comes a point that every kid has to learn that they can't be the center of your attention 100% of the time or have Mommy hold them in public.



Going off what your saying, it sounds like you enforce this idea when your at home otherwise he would do it all the time. So, don't let what other's are thinking about his little temper tanturm get to you. (I'm assuming a lot here, but I know I had that issue about worrying about other's opinions with my first born when she would make a scene. Then finally I realized I was only teaching her that in public Mommy's an easier target. So, I nipped it in the bud and showed her that I wasn't doing anything I was ashamed of at home so being out in the public wasn't going to stop me. I had to do the same thing with my boys and I imagine I'll have to do the same with my daughter.)

Bryndís - posted on 04/13/2012

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He is just at that age :) Don't worry. I remember my boys beeing like that from about 6 months until they were about 18 months :) He's not a bad baby, he just needs his mom :)

Susan - posted on 04/13/2012

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I nannied and took care of other people's children for fifteen years before I had three of my own. Here is what I've learned, babies are not bad, but they ARE much smarter than we give them credit for. They know what gets them what they want, and they will use those things. Your son isn't bad. He just knows what he wants, and expects you to give it to him. He prefers you because he is familiar with you. It is developmentally normal for him to realize that, and try to keep in his comfort zone. And as has been mentioned by April, it is developmentally normal for him to develop separation anxiety at this age. The absolute best thing you can do for him, when you are giving him into the care of another is to give him a kiss, a smile and a quick, "Mommy loves you! I'll be right back!" and walk away. Don't drag it out, and don't give him a sad sympathetic voice. At this age, they gain their confidence from you. If you sound sad, worried and sympathetic, then he will assume that he has reason to BE sad and worried.



I would suggest leaving him with a trusted friend or family member to help him understand that others can also provide him what he needs. Start with short periods of time, say 30 minutes, and then extend the time to a little longer. This person should be someone who will give him friendly reassurance that all is okay, "Mommy will be back soon. Check out these cool blocks I've stacked!" and not someone who will hold him the whole time your are gone, and say things like, "Oh, I'm so sorry buddy! I know your are miserable! Oh you poor dear! It is awful, I know!" Build it up to an hour, and then maybe a couple of hours. It will help him learn about life and will give you a break that it sounds like you greatly need.



Also, remember that a few tears are alright. When you are I are upset over something life throws our way, we would sigh or yell, or even cuss. When we do those things, it doesn't change the outcome usually. It is just a way for us to vent our frustration before we try to deal with the problem at hand. At nine months old, he hasn't learned to yell or cuss or even throw a fit, so he cries. It is healthy for him to learn that things will not always go the way he wants, but that he will be okay in the end. My youngest is four now, but I still remember how hard it was to hear her cry. I think there is this part of us that, as mommies, is built to respond to the sound. It still gets me when I hear a baby cry, even when it is not their own, so I can imagine how hard it is to let him cry for even a little while. Just know that if you tough it out for long enough that he can learn confidence in himself (and those around him), you will have a MUCH easier time in the long run. Don't give up. It does get better.

Tabitha - posted on 04/13/2012

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I'm sure I'm about to be everyone's bff(sarcastically) when I say this.... It will NOT, I repeat...will NOT hurt your baby to cry a little whether it be at home, at the store or at a friend's house. You can't carry him around all day, how will you get anything done? You can't stay home all the time. Also, it sounds like you don't get any kind of break from your children, you need a break!!! It would probably be a good idea if you can have someone come in a couple times a week so that you can get away and have some time for yourself. Is it possible for your husband to cut back his hours a few nights per week so he can help with bedtime and get you into bed at a decent hour?



Just because he's a little crabby doesn't mean he's a "bad baby", he's just a little harder than your other kids. But I really think that if you could get some help and more sleep, his crabbiness won't be as big as a problem as you see it now.

Bonnie - posted on 04/13/2012

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It's probably the start of separation anxiety, it's normal. And some babies just only want their mothers in general.

Danielle - posted on 04/13/2012

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It sounds like your baby is exactly like mine!!! I could never put her down in the beginning, even at home. Going to the washroom was a chore, and heaven forbid I should need a shower, lol. Even now I am typing while she is nursing on a pillow and she is trying to thwart my attempts to answer you by reaching behind for the keyboard, kicking her leg up and at my face, etc. ;) She seems to need ALL of my attention ALL of the time. It gets extremely wearing and even though she sleeps good I sometimes feel like all there is in the world is me and baby.

I am thinking of starting a group on here for "high needs" babies. I need the support as I am sure you do too. It feels like nobody understands what this is like because everywhere you go (seemingly) there are well behaved babies who can play on their own and let others hold them. :( Unfortunately it is these same people who give well meaning advice (let her cry it out) that just doesn't help and leaves you feeling worse than before. I am not trying to depress you, I am just hoping you will take some comfort in knowing that others are going through the same thing.

Let me know what you think. oh, and there is a wonderful website that will help so much with your experience:
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/fussy-b...

Dove - posted on 04/13/2012

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So did I Sherri.... Granted they were older than 2, but younger than 10. I'm STILL dealing w/ a 'clingy baby' and he's 4. It is possible to make it work.

User - posted on 04/13/2012

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Aww! He's definitely not a "bad" baby. Every child is born with different personalities. I have 4 children of my own and a step son. Ages are 6, 8, 10, 13 and 14. Of my 4, they were all different right from the moment they were born. I don't think anyone should tell you that your baby is bad. :-(

As far as him not "letting" you put him down when you're not at home.... first, I'm sure you've read that he is right at the age when separation anxiety kicks in. At home, he probably feels confident that when you put him down, you're coming back and he's comfortable in his own environment. Does he get upset at, say, the home of one of your friends? Do you have a friend or family member who isn't bothered by a baby crying? Maybe, if you can go to a place that's quiet (for both him and you) and try very, very small increments of him either hanging out in a playpen or on the floor near you and show him that being out of your arms for even 2 or 3 minutes isn't the end of the world. My 14 year old was very similar when he was about 8 months old. At home, no problem. Out of the house (even at my father's house or my sister's house), he didn't like being put down. But I would set him down for a few minutes, stay in the same room, but talk to my sister (or dad) and after those few minutes, crouch down to my son's level and talk to him quietly to reassure him that I was right there. He had the same problem with going to sleep in his crib. So I would put him to bed, say goodnight, close the door and let him cry for 5 minutes. After 5 minutes, I would go in, lay him back down, give him a little rub on the back and leave again... only this time, for 10 minutes. I think that I had read about that technique in What to Expect The First Year. Basically, you're teaching them that they can trust you to come back when they need you, which is very important. As newborns, they need you immediately. As they grow, they do need to learn that it isn't the end of the world if you're not holding them.

Whatever method you choose to try, give it a fair shot (because all of the advice here is good!!) so you know for sure whether it's going to work for you or not. I think that, regardless, it'll take some adjusting for both your son and you. If you try something and it doesn't work, move on to something different. All kids are different and what works for one probably won't work for another. :-)

Sherri - posted on 04/12/2012

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Nobody said it wasn't Medic. You just said it as duh why wouldn't you do this, I was just trying to show you a reason that it doesn't work for everyone is all.

Sherri - posted on 04/12/2012

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Some people Medic such as myself think babywearing is horrible. I could never and will never be a babywearer. It is awkward and uncomfortable, the few times I have done it I clocked his head off the wall, dumped stuff on them. UGH!! I positively hate it.



@Dove the problem is she has two other children to care for as well.

Dove - posted on 04/12/2012

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He's not a bad baby! He's a NORMAL baby. Hold him when you can and put him down when you have to. If he's fine at home.... I don't really understand the problem.



Of course, I am the mom who's 4 year old won't even take himself potty at home w/out someone else in the room w/ him.... ;)

Sherri - posted on 04/12/2012

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Katherine trust me you can have a bad baby. My baby is 8wks old and he is a terrible baby. My first was a great baby, second was the spawn of satan, 3rd was my perfect baby, and my 4th is truly a bad baby.

Katherine - posted on 04/12/2012

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How can he be a bad baby? He's only 9 months! They are clingy at this age. What about a carrier?

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