Co-bedding with a teenager? CPS?

[deleted account] ( 11 moms have responded )

I have a friend (not me!) that had her only son taken away from her by CPS when he was about 7. The estranged father had left his wife because she was a serious hoarder and a hypochondriac. He was awarded custody of their son.

In the meantime, every 3 months or so, my friend gets to have her son over for a day or two. Because she "missed" her son so bad, and lives in a 1 bedroom apartment, her son sleeps with her. The visits are now few and far between because she hasn't cleaned/taking strong meds, that she hasn't seen in 8 months. Her son is now a 13 yr teenager (very big too!) and was able to visit last weekend. She tells me that her son is VERY into sexual discussions (looking at porn as well.) Because my friend feels that she has lost her childhood with him, she treats him like he is still a little boy. She "cuddles" with him in bed, and has told me that sometimes she isn't clothed.

Should I contact CPS? Is co-bedding normal with teenagers of he opposite sex?


Amy - posted on 03/08/2012




Do you have contact with the father would you be able to find him? If you can I would start by reaching out to him so he can get the ball rolling on supervised visitation only! If you have no way of finding him then yes call CPS. I know a girl 12 or 13 who won't leave her parents bed but they're is none of that other stuff going on, that's not normal!

Dove - posted on 05/09/2012




Hugging your teenager? Most likely not a problem.

Co-sleeping with your teenager? Not necessarily a problem.

Your teenager seeing you naked? Not necessarily a problem.

Putting all 3 of those thing together though? HUGE problem and CPS needs to be notified immediately.

Jaime - posted on 03/08/2012




It's likely that she's already in very close contact with child services based on what you've said of her penchant for hoarding and also taking strong medications. And if the father is also aware of these things, then I'm certain he also has a close eye on the goings-on at her home. If she is just sharing a bed with her teenage son, it really doesn't raise any red flags for me, but her being naked and having sexual discussions with him and indulging his interests in pornography are situations that I find unsettling. A call to the child's father is probably the best place to start, and perhaps leaving it with him to make the judgment call on CPS.

September - posted on 03/08/2012




I'm sorry but that does not sound like normal behavior at all. Yes, I would contact CPS.

Elizabeth - posted on 03/08/2012




WOW...I cannot tell you just how disgusted I am. Is it possible to UNread something?

CPS NOW! sicko ..that's what she is


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Brittney - posted on 05/09/2012




I sleep with my daughter in the same bed all of the time. I am also female so maybe some would see that as not as strange, but I would NEVER sleep with or cuddle my daughter naked even though she is just 2 and a half. Nakedness is not something shameful in my home. She has seen me and asked questions and I answer her matter of factly about her body and mine. I have boundaries. I also want to teach her boundaries so that she can protect herself. Call CPS your "friend" is sick.

[deleted account]

I cuddle with my 15 year old when he wants a hug. There's nothing remotely sexual about our behavior nor does it even occur to me. Your friend though sounds like she has a few screws loose and that's disturbing.

[deleted account]

CPS was involved many years ago. Once they removed the boy, and gave custody to the father, they closed the case.

It has actually been the father that has not allowed his son to stay with his mom because he was afraid that CPS would find out and take him away. For years, my friend has been "reporting" the state (or lack thereof) of her home directly to the father. He only recently allowed my friend to take their son for the weekend, after an agency came in and cleaned up her home to safe and healthy standards.

The son tells his Dad that he is sleeping on the couch, but my friend describes how they cuddle together in bed and "talk." She has told me they have had discussions about the right way to wear a condom (demonstration) and how "awesome" female breasts are.I am afraid that if I talk to the dad, my friend will know it was me that told. She is agoraphobic but we talk on the phone often.

The whole thing just creeps me out and seems very wrong to me, but as I said I don't really understand the whole "family bed" issue either, and maybe this is "ok" in some cultures.......

Brittney - posted on 03/08/2012




It sounds pretty serious, I would call CPS. I slept with my parents until I was almost 14 years old, but it didn't go into that stuff....

[deleted account]

Yes, Elizabeth, I have felt the same way. Makes me ILL! I have tried talking to her about the inappropriateness of this situation, and she keeps telling me that "next time" he will sleep on the sleeper-sofa.

I did "attachment parenting" except for the co-bedding with my daughter. So I have NO EXPERIENCE with co-bedding. I wanted to get some answers from others to see if I am just over-reacting, or is this in any way "normal?" I wish I could "unhear" what she has told me--sick! Looks like I need to make the call to CPS.

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