Co-parenting and New Partners

[deleted account] ( 5 moms have responded )

I have a 7yr old boy. My ex and I do not have any kind of court order. I have worked around his work schedule since seperating 5 years ago. At first he worked in town and took our son every second weekend. Then he worked out of town and took him every third week Mon-sun and the Mon to Fri alternating those weeks. In December of 2014 he met his new partner. By March she moved into his home. In April of 2015 he asked if he could have our son every second week while he attended school for three months. I agreed. In that time he refused to pay me the verbally agreed on amount for child support resulting in my having to take him to Child support recalculation. There he was enforced to pay me a much larger amount. He was not happy. He also informed me at that time he has decided to keep our son permanently alternating weeks. That his girlfriend was pregnant and they where going to be a family now. I have since tried to get him to go to mediation to discuss this further. He did not go back to work until December 2015. His new partner has taken the role of driving our son to and from school. He works long hours. Our son goes to bed at 8pm. He arrives home at 7pm and is not there in mornings. I was able to finally get a mediation in february which resulted in zero cooperation of getting the parenting time back to every second weekend. They also live out of town, so they travel a lot to bring our son to school each day. As of this month April/May 2016 he has taken a job out of town. He has now not been home for the last two weeks of his parenting time. Our son has been with new partner. We get along fairly well. My only complaints are she once told me i did not have to stay for our son's swim lessons and that she was offended when I choose to stay. Also she consistently addresses him as My son in front of me and my family when picking up and dropping off. I am in the process of filing a parenting order in court. My question is...do I have a right to not allow our son to be at his dads when he is not home. He has a baby sister now as of March. Will I be jepordizing my case if I do.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

5 Comments

View replies by

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/10/2016

13,264

21

2015

“My ex and I do not have any kind of court order”~~Why not? This is not required, but recommended to protect ALL involved.

“In April of 2015 he asked if he could have our son every second week while he attended school for three months. I agreed.”~~So far it seems you’re getting along, but…

“In that time he refused to pay me the verbally agreed on amount for child support”~~And THERE’S the rub. Do you pay him support for the time that he has the child with him? If not, why should he pay support when the kid is with you? You don’t have court orders defining ANYONE’S responsibility here so…

“having to take him to Child support recalculation. There he was enforced to pay me a much larger amount. He was not happy. He also informed me at that time he has decided to keep our son permanently alternating weeks”~~Again, NO custody orders through a legal venue. He’s got just as much right to make different arrangements as you do, since no one actually has orders.

“That his girlfriend was pregnant and they where going to be a family now”~~Well, if this child is his child as well, then the child will be the half sibling to the already existing child that you and he conceived, so…yeah, they’re going to be a family.

As for the rest, he’s not doing anything illegal. He’s got the right to be a parent just the same as you do. He has the right to integrate his biological child into any relationship he is in. As long as that relationship is a steady one that doesn’t present any danger to the child, you have no say. You cannot dictate anything. You both need to bring your attorneys and have a judge determine who gets to do what in regards to this child.

Dove - posted on 05/10/2016

11,904

0

1350

This is why people are supposed to get court orders from the beginning... so EVERYONE knows what their rights and responsibilities are and there is no guess work involved.

Given that she lives w/ him and they have a child together... this may be something you are going to have to just let go of if your son is happy around her.

Ev - posted on 05/10/2016

7,952

7

918

I will also add that maybe you should have had this court ordered from the BEGINNING.

Michelle - posted on 05/10/2016

3,920

8

3246

Well you have 2 posts going and each touching on both subjects.
This one answers a few of the questions I asked in the other one.
I agree with Jodi though, custody and visitation aren't about YOU, it's about the CHILD. This something you should really ask your lawyer because we don't know what the judges are like in your area.

Jodi - posted on 05/10/2016

3,562

36

3907

Before I answer this, I am going to ask.....is your son happy with these arrangements and how is it negatively impacting him - you are going to have to explain to the judge how it was in the best interests of your son to stop the week about arrangements, and to be quite honest, if your son isn't bothered by it, then it's not about him, it's about you.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms