Lucy - posted on 09/10/2015 ( no moms have responded yet )
Ok I truly need advice. I am the mother to a wonderful little boy. His father and I have been seperated and have lived in a seperate states but since my son is getting older, and after talks with his father, we moved back to the same city where his father resides. However, I immediately began to regret my decision to move back when the day I came back with our child, he did not honor the agreement that we made for him to watch him and his father disappeared for almost two weeks with no explanation. I was shocked, confused, and literally financially drained. I thought I would be able to depend on him but he showed his true colors and put his needs first. After that happened we talked about it, still no explanation, but he apologized and said it wouldn't happen again. I try to practice unconditional love and forgiveness, believe me I do, but there have also been other instances where his father chooses to put his needs first and does not realize that his decisions effect my household even though we are not in a relationship/live together. If we agree upon him watching our son and then he changes it up at the last minute I am literally SOL. Another issue that we have is communication. I feel that I over communicate with him and try to include him in the rearing of our child but my efforts are in vain. Prime example is when I paid for summer camp and then the first day that he was supposed to drop him off he didn't. I did not know where my child was! After calling and texting him multiple times he then told me that his mother was in town and would be watching him for a whole week. I honestly believe that information could have been shared with me before I paid for the camp and when he picked him up for the weekend. But I didn't harp on that situation. The following week, which is typically child support week, I am expecting the child support money when I usually get it. Now he decides to change the date I receive child support to the middle of the month, without even consulting me, and I didn't have enough money to pay for our childcare, because I had just relocated cross country and I needed the money to pay for shipping my car, food for the house, etc. But still there is nothing that I can do because he does things when he wants to do them without taking me into consideration. Then the final straw was when I spent over two weeks trying to find a decent Pre-k for our child and then literally the day after I added him to the pick up and drop off list, THE FATHER DID NOT TAKE HIM TO SCHOOL BECAUSE HE OVERSLEPT. Once again for a whole day I am assuming my kid is where he is supposed to be, school or camp, and his father did not take him. I am not sure what else I can possibly do but I feel like it was a mistake to move back to the city where his father lives, I have no family out here, and I am still struggling to make ends meet because his fathers decisions and lack of availability to even help me with our child puts all the burden on me. I am running on fumes from day to day, I barely have energy to complete my job, and I am with my child 7 days a week and his father now sees him for a few hours on the one day that he has off. We originally had an agreement that he was going to take him from Sun-Thursday and pick him up and take him to school but I cannot trust him to do that. So now I take him to school Mon-Friday, I have to pay extra money for sitters, afterschool care, and on weekends because his father does what he wants to do. In a perfect world I wish the agreement would have come to fruition but it hasn't now I am really doing this by myself. At this point I don't really talk to him. I have resentment towards him because I really feel like the dumbest person ever for believing that things would change and now I am living in a city without any help. Last but not least I am in a long distance relationship and my boyfriend, who is aware of my issues with my child's father, has asked me to move to his city. With him, and his family, I will have more help and no drama, and no stress. It seems like the best decision but I don't want to run from my problems. I need help and I don't know what to do, but I feel like me staying in the same city with my son's father is pointless. If you add up the hours and days that he sees his son, we might as well live in another state and I can fly my son out to him for breaks and holidays. His involvement in our son's life is minimal and I am honestly trying to figure out what I did to deserve all this, besides lay down besides the wrong person. At this point I am tired and all talked out. So the question is should I try to attempt to resolve this situation and suggest co-parenting counseling or should I just move to be with my boyfriend?