Co-Parenting with a mentally abusive ex?

Victoria - posted on 05/03/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )

3

0

2

So I am new to this website, I joined because I am trying to get through adjusting to parenting with my abusive ex boyfriend. I thought it would help tons to hear everyone's stories. I am 17 years old ( please no rude comments) I have a beautiful 7mo daughter Sophia. I work part time go to school and care for my daughter so it is alot to handle. My main struggle has been moving foward from her father. I have been in this depression ever since I first found out I was pregnant and he decided to just break up with me. He didnt talk to me for the entire 9 months and everytime I would try to speak to him he would end up telling me off or screaming at him to leave him alone that he dosent have to talk to me to be a father calling me every name in the book. I was devastated not knowing how to just stay strong when this guy I loved changed out of no where breaking my heart. When I finally went Into labor I pretty much put all of my feelings to the side and called him to have him come watch his daughter be born. After that he treated me like I was nothing his family also. He expected me to just give him all of the control of our daughter wanting say in everything. At 3 months old Sophia was going to his house on Wed and Sun his mom would have her and he would come for a hour on Mon. it took every part of me but i did it for her. Finally, He said no more to Mon because i stopped sleeping with him and finally realized I was a mess because we weren't a family but he was still using me for sex it broke me. One day he acted like he loved me the next he was screaming in my face for no reason it was insane and surely made me have multiple breakdowns to the point i was crying and shaking. I refused for my 5mo baby to go back and forth 3 times a week because he didnt want to come anymore to see her he wanted monday to take her also and i said no that he can have 2 days not3. it was unfair that she had to be away from me so much so little. Well not only did he react to that but his mom did too, messaging me every mean thing you could possibly think of.. I mean everything I was wreck.. It was like the moment i disagreed with something I got ripped apart in every way possible I was the worst mother in their eyes for not saying yes to everything they wanted. So here i am i took him to court because i couldnt deal with the abuse anymore and I stopped letting him take her after they acted like crazy people both calling me names screaming on the phone. I cannot come to terms with the situation I am so nervous now to have her go there even though I know whats right for my child and thats to have a relationship with her father but letting go of him has been almost impossible :( i keep teling myself i deserve so much more but it kills me. I wanted my family not to be looked at as some horrible mother when they take my baby who i was left alone to grow which no one cares about. I know this is very long thank you so much I just need any advice I can take at this point with being calm when she goes with him and letting go of such this sico hurtful man,

2 Comments

View replies by

Victoria - posted on 05/03/2016

3

0

2

I completely agree, He has wed and Fri morning which i agree with.. I am so nervous of how im going to react when he takes her. Its like all the people Sophia is around are disrespectful and don't respect me as her mother. I plan to just focus on becoming a RN and planing out a good life for me and my daughter its just emotionally getting over her dad has been so hard he used to be a great guy and then did a absolute 360 no one can believe the things he says to me its sick. That mother of his also acts like shes the mother and it drives me insane. Im not dealing with a normal family so it makes the situation 10x harder they are all abusive to each other in his house.

Raye - posted on 05/03/2016

3,761

0

21

Getting court orders for custody/visitation is the best thing. That tells each parent what rights they have legally toward that child, and lessens anyone's ability to manipulate the other. You do deserve better than that guy, but he is the father of your child, and your child does have a right to a relationship with him (unless the court decides otherwise). I know you want to shield your child from hurt from a bad father, but they will both learn and grow and hopefully become better people because of it. But she will need a strong mommy who keeps her best interests at heart. Take care of you. And take care of your child. The rest will sort itself out. If you need help, there's no shame in getting counseling.

Please keep in mind that any future relationship with any man will impact your child. Make good decisions, go slow, and make sure you and any new guy are on the same page with what you want for your family.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms