Co-Sleeping: to do or not to do.

[deleted account] ( 236 moms have responded )

I am curious to see what people think of co-sleeping. What are the pros and cons? Do the pros out way the cons or vive versa?

If you do co-sleep with your child, when it is appropriate to start putting your child in their own bed?



I ask this because in my circle of friends, this is a very divided topic that comes up alot. I'm very curious what you guys might think.

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Sujatha - posted on 06/10/2009

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I guess this topic depends more on the culture we as parents were raised in. In many Asian countries co-sleeping is the norm. Again, attachment-parenting is the only thing style there. I would think pros are in the area of increased security for the baby, more bonding even during sleep time, possibility of always having an eye on the baby ( even when moms are sleeping i think they are super alert than others), the sheer joy moms get sleeping, cuddling next to the baby. It increases two-fold when the baby becomes old enough to hug back(around 5-6 months)

Cons : The regular arguments sited are : possibility of suffocating the baby and increased dependence.

I don't know about the suffocation part of it because I'm always in the alert mode and have never rolled over the baby. I guess somewhere in the sub-conscious moms while sleeping next to their babies always are careful enough to not put the baby in danger.

Dependence: I guess a big part again depends on the society we come from. Co-sleeping does not always translate to dependence. When the kids are ready to have their own bed, trust me they ask for it. I have almost an entire country to vouch for that! :)

Minnie - posted on 06/10/2009

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I think that co-sleeping is normal, natural, and the way to sleep with your infant. It has been the default sleeping method throughout human history. The biology of breastfeeding and of the neurologically underdeveloped human infant has necessitated it. All other mammals sleep with their infants.



Co-sleeping is perfectly safe when the mother is healthy and not on drugs and she is breastfeeding. It's not the same when the mother is formula feeding.

Bed-sharing regulates the infants sleep patterns, breathing patterns, temperature, metabolism, teaches him good sleep habits, facilitates breastfeeding and adequate maternal sleep.



Infant has spent the last almost 10 months enclosed in the warm confines of the womb- as human infants are born neurologically underdeveloped (because of our bipedal nature) gestation actually continues ex-utero for at least nine months- the conditions should continue that mimic those of the womb.



Infants that sleep apart from their mothers actually have more of the deep sleep cycles and spend more time in them- a condition that increases the risk of SIDS.



http://www.epjournal.net/filestore/ep051...

[deleted account]

I didn't plan on bed-sharing (thought I did buy an Arms Reach Co-sleeper), but once my son was born I found we both slept a lot better when he was in the bed. So that's what we've done, for nearly 9 months now. I think that getting him to go to sleep on his own has been a bit more difficult that it would have been if he'd done it from day one, but it hasn't been a problem really. He sleeps in a crib at his daycare and also sleeps alone for part of the night at home. Since I work full-time, I think that extra time with him is wonderful.

Tamara - posted on 06/10/2009

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I am an vocal proponent of cosleeping in all its forms from bed sharing to room sharing. Of course as with as any parenting practice, there are right and wrong ways to do it. Never bed share if you are obese, over-tired, under the influence of drugs, alcohol, or medication, a smoker, or have an unsafe sleeping environment.

If you go over to the Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory at the University of Notre Dame, you will see several studies that not only advocate cosleeping in its various forms but show that it is beneficial to mother and child, reduces SIDS, and facilitates the breastfeeding relationship. http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/articles...

Dana - posted on 06/10/2009

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my daughter slept with us alot when she was little. we really didnt have much trouble getting her into her own bed. my son never would sleep with us, he always slept better in his own bed. I think it depends on the child honestly!

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[deleted account]

I am seeing quite a lot of opinions against co-sleeping. I LOVE co-sleeping. My older daughter slept through the night from her first night. My husband was afraid of rolling over on her, but he never did. He just slept on the couch if he drank too much. We started the process of moving her into her own bedroom at 18 months. She still climbs in with us sometimes in the early morning, but she mostly loves her own bed. She is 4. Her little sister started moving into her own bed at 6 months because she prefers her own space, but she usually joins us at around 1am. She is 2. In 4+ years of co-sleeping, we have never regretted or had a problem with co-sleepin.

Rikki N - posted on 03/23/2012

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My daughter was extremely ill from about 1 mo. old to present..(almost 2) Because of her illness for some reason I felt a "need" to have her as close to me as possible.. She was diagnosed at about 6 mo. with sleep apnea.. Every time she had an "episode" I would wake up. It almost creeped me out how a mothers intuition can be so strong. I believe that co-sleeping was comforting to both of us.. She falls asleep in my bed now but I will later transfer her to her own toddler bed upon falling asleep, where she sleeps fine and is now beginning to lay down in her bed independently with no issues at bed time. It may depend on the child, however, I loved co-sleeping but she is a bed hog and shes just too big now...

Sarah - posted on 02/11/2012

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I have co-slept with all 3 of my kids. They could also sleep in the cot if we wanted them to, but none of them would happily go to sleep on their own so would fall asleep with a cuddle downstairs of in bed with me. My 2 older kids broke the routine on their own when they had a 'big' bed and now have a proper bedtime routine. My 2 year old still co sleeps for 4 of 7 nights but has just got his big bed and is learning what its all about.

Simply, it doesnt do any harm, and a bedtime routine sorts itself out when the time is right. They grow up far too quickly nowadays so enjoy the cuddles while you can.

Lynn - posted on 01/24/2012

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No way! once you start letting them in your bed, they never want to sleep in their own rooms

Sandy - posted on 07/21/2009

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I have always let my kids sleep with me. I am all for co-sleeping. They won't do it forever. They don't stay little for long. I say enjoy while you can, Because they grow up way too fast. My kids are now 23,17, and 13, and they no longer get in bed with me. Although, my 13 yr. old girl will still do it every now and then. And I think it's sweet. And once in a blue moon my seventeen yr. old when he wants to talk about something will come get in my bed to talk. I think it makes them feel safe.

Brandi - posted on 07/19/2009

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I am scared to actually sleep in the bed with my baby. A woman in my area did that with her youngest son during naps and at 6mos he died of sids after being trapped under a pillow at the top of her bed. But I do believe in a form of co sleeping. My 1st daughter started off in her own room. And it was frustrating. My youngest has a bassinet that hooks right up to the bed and the side of it even comes down. I love it. She is breast fed and it is sooo awesome. Now that she sleeps thru the night fairly regular (she is almost 4mon) we are trying to transition her to her crib. She is getting to big for her bassinet.. and moves around alot. I feel the crib is safest at this point. But i did really enjoy co sleeping.. and i wish i could have done it with my first.

Amy - posted on 07/18/2009

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I would have loved to, my husband is a heavy sleeper and a flopper, so I didn't feel it was safe with our circumstances. Once he got older, and my husband and I were on separate shifts, I would bring my munchkin in bed to nurse for his breakfast.

Again, you have to make the judgment for yourself as to whether or not it's safe for your family.

Amanda - posted on 07/18/2009

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we did it with my oldest daughter when she was first born, and she is two now and still sleeps in our room! we decided not to do it with our youngest who is a year now and have no problems with her sleeping in her own room....

Firebird - posted on 07/18/2009

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I don't think the pros outweigh the cons or vice versa. Every child is different, some women co-sleep with all of their babies and have had no separation difficulties, other children who co-sleep might not be able to sleep on their own until they are 10. It really all depends on what you are most comfortable with. My daughter never slept with me. If you do chose to co-sleep I would say there is never an "inappropriate" time to have your child sleeping on their own. They'll have to do eventually, right? =) You just have to do what you feel is best for your family. Some people do have trouble sleeping with kids in bed with them so you might want to keep that in mind! =) Good luck!

Kathy - posted on 07/18/2009

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I've co slept with my 2 year old since birth and it's been a very special experience. Granted we haven't slept as well as I'd like but I figure I had her when I was 42 and I have had a lot of cumulative sleep in my life...lol. The safety issue is less of a factor than you might imagine. There's very good info out there on it. The main risk is if you are obese, drinking or on drugs. The firmness of the bed and the bedding is also a factor, as is someone sleeping with an infant they aren't the mother of. If you want a lot of info go to tribe.net and check out the attachment parenting tribe.

Kristen - posted on 07/16/2009

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My husband and I started out holding her to go to sleep, put her in her bassinet and when she woke up then we would cosleep. I couldn't stay awake long enough for her to finish nursing. At about 4 months we started feeding her cereal before bed, and then she would sleep until 5 or 6 in the morning. Now (at 14 months) she sleeps from 8:30 at night until 7:30 in the morning, I nurse her and then she goes back to bed until 8:30 or 9am. We just gradually transfered her to sleeping on her own. She switched over pretty easy. I loved the co sleeping and I would do it again in a heartbeat. It is just a good idea to make sure you get SOME sleep without the baby. She has a fairly rigid bedtime routine (food, bath, story, bed with blanket binky and doll.) That has fixed any problems we had settling her in at night.

Jennifer - posted on 07/16/2009

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My son slept in an Amby bed next to mine but not with me except on occasion and now he doesn't even prefer for someone to put him to sleep. I lay him down with a blanket and a pacifier and leave the room and he goes to sleep on his own. Now when I break him of the pacifier its going to be hard. I dont know if my sons independence is genetic or if allowing him to do things on his own helped. I know of a lot of kids who slept with their parents for 2-5 years and they are very attached and it comes across as insecurity. My son also never "made strange". He never cried when someone else picked him up. Hes happy to be with everyone. Also, it can strain on a marriage to have children in the bed with you for that long even though it is so sweet when your baby is sleeping next to you.

Joanna - posted on 07/16/2009

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It is all about the child. Some children will take to co-sleeping others will prefer to settle themselves. My son is now 13 months and has never settled to sleep whilst being cuddled and has always settled himself. My friends son likes to be cuddled to sleep. Every child is different.

[deleted account]

I never intended to co-sleep with my son,we had a bassinet all ready for him when he came home. My son had to be formula fed and it turned out he had problems with the formula he was sent home with. A week after he arrived home, he was in his bassinet when I heard a coughing sound and when I got up to look, my son spewed formula out of his mouth and nose. He also had signs of reflux (although doctors kept telling me it was colic). He would have these really painful episodes where he would scream for as long as two hours and the only way he could find comfort was on his stomach. Being frightened to put him in his bassinet on his stomach during the night, I started placing him in bed with us so I could keep an eye on him. We had a king sized bed, so there was sufficient room. My husband didn't mind and felt more comfortable also. So my son remained in our bed until he was 4 months old. When I felt he could safely lift his head while he slept on his stomach, I transferred him to his bassinet. He didn't use his crib until he was six months.

Renee - posted on 07/15/2009

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I started co-sleeping with my lil man when he was 2-3 months old. I breastfeed him in bed during the night because i found in exhausting getting up & down. We'd both fall back asleep & when i woke up i'd put him back in his cot (i'm getting a bit lazy with putting him back at the mo) He still sleeps in his cot no worries. I was against it in the beginning but you gotta do what works for you. I find it easier coz we both get some sleep.

Lori - posted on 07/15/2009

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We used a "co-sleeper" bed with our little one. He did just great! It fit between us in our bed, but gave him his own little bed as well. There was no chance of us rolling over on him. (It had mesh sides and a nightlight at the top - making diaper changes in the middle of the night a lot easier.) We then transitioned him very easily into his own bed when he outgrew it!

Melanie - posted on 07/15/2009

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i truly beleive in co-sleeping i had my 1st son in bed with me for 2 1/2 years til we slowly started putting him in his own bed it's a long prosess tho so be prepared he is now 3 1/2 and some night wakes up and crawls into bed with us and i now have my 2nd son sleeping with us i would never do it any other way especially if breastfeeding i have never gotten up at night just stay laying together nurse laying down and nobody gets inturpted i would definitely recomend it :)

Jax - posted on 07/15/2009

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I don't think there's one answer for everyone. We're all individuals and should do whatever feels right and appropriate. So many times we listen to the "experts" and five years (or months) down the road they're saying the exact opposite, after the damage is done. Just go with your gut...and heart. Even if you make a mistake, I think it's still better than going against your instincts only to find out that what someone else told you to do was wrong.

Reena - posted on 07/15/2009

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I had to have an emergency C section with my boy and although he slept in his moses basket for the first 2 weeks in our room - i found it difficult to keep bending over and picking him up - after 2 weeks i put him in the cot and he has slept in there ever since - to be honest he out grow the moses basket and didnt like sleeping on the sofa.

I heard of parents who had their kids sleep with them and they were 2 and i didnt want this i believe that my bedroom is for me and my hubby however saying that there are times when im just so tired in the morning that i will bring Kiran into my bed ( we have a king size bed so we have lots of space) but other than that he sleps in his room. I dont tend to fuss to much im just easy going with him - and to be honest he will sleep anywhere - we went to south korea for a holiday and he happily slept on the hotel room floor he will sleep on the double bed in my mums house when i stay - it all depends on the mum. But most importantly you do whats right. Ive learnt that if your not sure just try and if it works it works if it doesnt then try something else no big issues.

Chelseaszidik - posted on 07/14/2009

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Quoting Melissa:

oh saw laci's post mine had to sleep in my hospital bed to i was in hospital for a week she did not sleep apart from a few second at a time all night and wanted constant feeding (i stupidly listened to nurses and BF for 2 weeks ) so anyway they told me you'll just have to keep her in bed with you


What do you mean by "I stupidly listened to nurses and BF for 2 weeks"?

Sharon - posted on 07/14/2009

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Safer is best. I'm against it. I kept my babies in a bassinet or "side sleep" bassinet right next to my bed though.



Accidents happen. When I was pregnant with my first baby it was such a shock I decided to get therapy to handle the flood of emotions. I showed up for a visit to find my therapist in tears and on a phone with police. One of her clients smothered her child with her breast while sleeping. She thought it was her husbands arm. Yes they aren't supposed to give details but since I was stopping therapy and since I heard most of the conversation over a faulty phone - she cleared up a few details for me. She personally was a co-sleep believer and had done it herself with her 2 children.



But if you do co-sleep - you move the child when you need your own space. And don't change your mind. Just do it and stick to it. Don't make a big deal out of it (as in "oh how awful and scary) put a positive spin on it. "yay! You're a big girl now!"



Good luck!

Brenda - posted on 07/14/2009

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do whatever works for you!!! read up on pinky mckay and Dr. Sears for tactics on getting bub out of your bed when you're ready. we started co-sleeping when bub was 6 months old because he wasn't sleeping thru and crying it out isn't for our family, so once we started co-cleeping we get much better sleep - it works for us.

Amanda - posted on 07/14/2009

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I co-slept my son and he didn't go to his own bed until he was over two. I don't recommend it only because it was hard to break and I got less sleep for quite some time. My husband refused to let me bring our second child to her bed and i am SOOO glad he did because my second one slept better and so did I. I know it's hard especially with the first to put them in their own room, but I promise you it is worth it in the long run

Minnie - posted on 06/30/2009

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Quoting Lee-anne:



Quoting Rachel:




Quoting Lee-Anne:





Quoting Rachel:






Quoting Rena:

I have always believed that co-sleeping just confuses issues for children. Except for very rare occassions I never brought our daughter into bed with us. Unless you want your children in your bed until they are old enough to drive, you are going to at some point change their habit of sleeping with you, which after several months or years can be very difficult for the child... whereas, if you never start that habit they don't know anything besides sleeping in their own bed. I have often felt that co-sleeping arose from lazy parenting... I spent a few nights out of bed more than in it if my daughter was having a restless night, but I have always believed the short term pain is worth the long term gain. Good luck!











I agree with you Rena. I also often felt that co-sleeping arose from lazy parenting. I had all 3 of my kids sleep in their own cot in my room until they were about 2 months old and if they woke up i would take them into the loungeroom to feed them so that they did'nt want to get into bed with me and my hubby, and i also lost count of how many nights i spent asleep on the couch with my kids because they had wind or something else would be unsettling them and they wanted me to hold them. I have had a lot of my friends ask me how i get all of my kids to stay in their own beds and not come into mine and i tell them it comes from me being more stubborn then they were and not giving in to them wanting to get into my bed and i never allowed them to sleep in my bed when they were baby's. Now don't get me wrong we have one day a week were our kids come into our bed and that is on a sunday morning when my hubby and i take that time as a family day to laze around with each other and just have fun with our kids. If any of my kids woke up in the middle of the night for whatever reason i would go into their room and help them settle themselves down and wait with them until they fell asleep again then i would go back to my room and go back to sleep. I get sick of hearing that people have stronger bonds with their kids because they sleep with their child, i however have an extremely strong bond with all 3 of my kids and thats not because i allowed them to sleep in my bed but because i have always been there to cuddle,feed and help my children without doing it for them. I have 3 very independant children who know if they need me i'll be there but who also know that they don't need me for everything because they can do it on their own and mummy gives me lots and lots of praise because i did it on my own.












I don't have a problem with the parents who choose to sleep with their kids i just always new it was something that i did'nt want to do as i had seen first hand with my friends kids and my nieces and nephews that it only caused problems for their parents and i did not want that in my house so i never allowed it to happen and i never allowed myself to give in and do it no matter how tired i was and how tempting it was because i had no intention of having a 10 yr old still sleeping in my bed like my sister had with all 6 of hers. I value my bed and my alone time with my hubby because it's the one thing that my hubby and i get to have all to oursleves. 
















I dont know how co sleeping is looked at as lazy parenting, whether you put them in their beds when their infants or you put them in their beds when their older you still have to go through the waking up and settling part, I just found I couldnt let my baby cry and leave them by themselves, wereas when their older you can explain that they are a big boy/girl now and they have their own beds, I ve co slept with all 3 of my bubs and there is no way they will be 10 sleeping in my bed. My 2 boys were 2 1/2 when they went into their own beds with little fuss, and my 1 yr old girl is still in with us. I think its personal choice and depends on the baby, mums that says their bubs slept in cots etc. with little or no fuss are so lucky, I just couldnt do it as my bubs screamed in their cots, and then I found its such a beautiful and bonding experience to share my bed with my bubs, no regrets.












Ok i will explain now why i felt co-sleeping was being a lazy parent. It can be looked at lazy parenting because your not actualy getting up and being active with your kids and me personaly i dont like to be lazy i would prefer to get up and go and get my child and sit somewhere and feed them just to make sure that i am awake and able to control a situation if it arrives. I was also taught that when the baby feeds it also needed to be changed and how can you do that while your lying in bed with the baby hanging of your bood and if you get up to change the baby then y is it so hard to go and sit in the loungeroom and feed them?????(THIS IS JUST MY OPINION THO) It is safer i feel beause there is no chance that you will roll over or your partner will roll over on the baby and that could suffocate the baby, i mean i'm one of the mums who would'nt allow anything in the cot with my babys because of suffocation not even a teddy bear. My friend who co-sleeps with her kids is now starting to regret the fact that she co-slept  because she has no alone time with her hubby because they always have at least one of their kids in the bed with them and none of them will go to sleep without mum beside them and they are 8,5 & 3 and i think you can imagine how hard it is for her to get the kids to sleep as they all go to bed around the same time and they all have their own rooms and she has to spend half hour in each of their rooms until they go to sleep because they will not sleep without her beside them. From watching her with her kids they have all become well mannered and well behaved but the fact still remains that her marriage is failing because for the last 8 yrs on and off they have'nt had a marital bed because the kids have been in it  and when he has had a chance to sleep in the bed with his wife he has to share it with at least one of the kids if not all of them and how is that good for a marriage???????? I don't believe that the hubby/daddy should have to sleep in another bed because it's his marital right to sleep in the same bed as his wife. I feel that it is important for the mum and the dad to get the quality alone time together as it is important for the children to have happy loving parents not frustrated parents. I can understand however why parents choose to sleep with their children i just don't agree with it. I have also been acussed of being a lazy parent because i will put my kids in front of the tv just so i can get my housework done, so hey i have my lazy ways as well i was not calling anyone lazy i was just saying that i feel that it's being lazy and i did'nt agree with it. I have seen my sister's and 3 of my friends marriages fail because of co-sleeping with their children and this was something that i never wanted for me and my hubby so we decided that it was not the way we wanted to do things and we have'nt, i'm not saying that everybody who co-sleeps with their kids will have a failed marriage so noone needs to come at me for my opinion it's just what i have witnessed with my sister and my friends, so i choose not to co-sleep with my kids. As i said earlier i can understand y people choose to co-sleep and i dont think it's wrong for everyone it was just not right for me and  my family.









Ok fair enough that co-sleeping isnt for everyone, but my marriage is fine, there are many other places besides the bed to spend time with hubby and theyre only babys for a very short time. Also about the laying in bed with bub on the boob is not the case either, I couldnt breastfeed my 3rd so I still got up to get the bottle and did a nappy change too.






Lol, night time is FOR being lazy!  You're supposed to be lying around in bed, and not "getting up, being active" with children.  Lay baby in bed with you, baby sees you sleep, baby understands tha the bed is for sleep and that we sleep when it's night time, baby needs to eat, you nurse baby, but everyone remains drowsy and stays lying down.  That teaches good sleep habits.

Erica - posted on 06/30/2009

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There is some research that states children that co-sleep are happier, more independent adults. They believe that pushing independence too soon backfires and causes more dependency. I did not plan on co-sleeping, but after days without sleeping I accidentally fell asleep while nursing and slept the best I had in days. So we began co-sleeping. There are rules you have to follow though to make sure it is safe. No smoking, no loose bedding, no couch, no other children, can not be overweight, no drinking, there are more I can't remember them all.

Lee-anne - posted on 06/30/2009

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Quoting Rachel:



Quoting Lee-Anne:




Quoting Rachel:





Quoting Rena:

I have always believed that co-sleeping just confuses issues for children. Except for very rare occassions I never brought our daughter into bed with us. Unless you want your children in your bed until they are old enough to drive, you are going to at some point change their habit of sleeping with you, which after several months or years can be very difficult for the child... whereas, if you never start that habit they don't know anything besides sleeping in their own bed. I have often felt that co-sleeping arose from lazy parenting... I spent a few nights out of bed more than in it if my daughter was having a restless night, but I have always believed the short term pain is worth the long term gain. Good luck!









I agree with you Rena. I also often felt that co-sleeping arose from lazy parenting. I had all 3 of my kids sleep in their own cot in my room until they were about 2 months old and if they woke up i would take them into the loungeroom to feed them so that they did'nt want to get into bed with me and my hubby, and i also lost count of how many nights i spent asleep on the couch with my kids because they had wind or something else would be unsettling them and they wanted me to hold them. I have had a lot of my friends ask me how i get all of my kids to stay in their own beds and not come into mine and i tell them it comes from me being more stubborn then they were and not giving in to them wanting to get into my bed and i never allowed them to sleep in my bed when they were baby's. Now don't get me wrong we have one day a week were our kids come into our bed and that is on a sunday morning when my hubby and i take that time as a family day to laze around with each other and just have fun with our kids. If any of my kids woke up in the middle of the night for whatever reason i would go into their room and help them settle themselves down and wait with them until they fell asleep again then i would go back to my room and go back to sleep. I get sick of hearing that people have stronger bonds with their kids because they sleep with their child, i however have an extremely strong bond with all 3 of my kids and thats not because i allowed them to sleep in my bed but because i have always been there to cuddle,feed and help my children without doing it for them. I have 3 very independant children who know if they need me i'll be there but who also know that they don't need me for everything because they can do it on their own and mummy gives me lots and lots of praise because i did it on my own.










I don't have a problem with the parents who choose to sleep with their kids i just always new it was something that i did'nt want to do as i had seen first hand with my friends kids and my nieces and nephews that it only caused problems for their parents and i did not want that in my house so i never allowed it to happen and i never allowed myself to give in and do it no matter how tired i was and how tempting it was because i had no intention of having a 10 yr old still sleeping in my bed like my sister had with all 6 of hers. I value my bed and my alone time with my hubby because it's the one thing that my hubby and i get to have all to oursleves. 













I dont know how co sleeping is looked at as lazy parenting, whether you put them in their beds when their infants or you put them in their beds when their older you still have to go through the waking up and settling part, I just found I couldnt let my baby cry and leave them by themselves, wereas when their older you can explain that they are a big boy/girl now and they have their own beds, I ve co slept with all 3 of my bubs and there is no way they will be 10 sleeping in my bed. My 2 boys were 2 1/2 when they went into their own beds with little fuss, and my 1 yr old girl is still in with us. I think its personal choice and depends on the baby, mums that says their bubs slept in cots etc. with little or no fuss are so lucky, I just couldnt do it as my bubs screamed in their cots, and then I found its such a beautiful and bonding experience to share my bed with my bubs, no regrets.









Ok i will explain now why i felt co-sleeping was being a lazy parent. It can be looked at lazy parenting because your not actualy getting up and being active with your kids and me personaly i dont like to be lazy i would prefer to get up and go and get my child and sit somewhere and feed them just to make sure that i am awake and able to control a situation if it arrives. I was also taught that when the baby feeds it also needed to be changed and how can you do that while your lying in bed with the baby hanging of your bood and if you get up to change the baby then y is it so hard to go and sit in the loungeroom and feed them?????(THIS IS JUST MY OPINION THO) It is safer i feel beause there is no chance that you will roll over or your partner will roll over on the baby and that could suffocate the baby, i mean i'm one of the mums who would'nt allow anything in the cot with my babys because of suffocation not even a teddy bear. My friend who co-sleeps with her kids is now starting to regret the fact that she co-slept  because she has no alone time with her hubby because they always have at least one of their kids in the bed with them and none of them will go to sleep without mum beside them and they are 8,5 & 3 and i think you can imagine how hard it is for her to get the kids to sleep as they all go to bed around the same time and they all have their own rooms and she has to spend half hour in each of their rooms until they go to sleep because they will not sleep without her beside them. From watching her with her kids they have all become well mannered and well behaved but the fact still remains that her marriage is failing because for the last 8 yrs on and off they have'nt had a marital bed because the kids have been in it  and when he has had a chance to sleep in the bed with his wife he has to share it with at least one of the kids if not all of them and how is that good for a marriage???????? I don't believe that the hubby/daddy should have to sleep in another bed because it's his marital right to sleep in the same bed as his wife. I feel that it is important for the mum and the dad to get the quality alone time together as it is important for the children to have happy loving parents not frustrated parents. I can understand however why parents choose to sleep with their children i just don't agree with it. I have also been acussed of being a lazy parent because i will put my kids in front of the tv just so i can get my housework done, so hey i have my lazy ways as well i was not calling anyone lazy i was just saying that i feel that it's being lazy and i did'nt agree with it. I have seen my sister's and 3 of my friends marriages fail because of co-sleeping with their children and this was something that i never wanted for me and my hubby so we decided that it was not the way we wanted to do things and we have'nt, i'm not saying that everybody who co-sleeps with their kids will have a failed marriage so noone needs to come at me for my opinion it's just what i have witnessed with my sister and my friends, so i choose not to co-sleep with my kids. As i said earlier i can understand y people choose to co-sleep and i dont think it's wrong for everyone it was just not right for me and  my family.





Ok fair enough that co-sleeping isnt for everyone, but my marriage is fine, there are many other places besides the bed to spend time with hubby and theyre only babys for a very short time. Also about the laying in bed with bub on the boob is not the case either, I couldnt breastfeed my 3rd so I still got up to get the bottle and did a nappy change too.

Eva - posted on 06/25/2009

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This is for Faith - I think your worry because perhaps concern for his frailty may be, or may have been the source. At seven new habits for going to sleep need to be established. Your post reflects a certain amount of ambivalence and your fears are now his. Children do need their own space and so do you. And space doesn't have to be literal, it can be mental. When my older two daughters got their own room - I read to them there, said prayers and napped with them - Gradually they didn't want me to stay. We made the dark comfortable and not scary.

Eva - posted on 06/25/2009

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Quoting Katie:

Co-Sleeping: to do or not to do.

I am curious to see what people think of co-sleeping. What are the pros and cons? Do the pros out way the cons or vive versa?
If you do co-sleep with your child, when it is appropriate to start putting your child in their own bed?

I ask this because in my circle of friends, this is a very divided topic that comes up alot. I'm very curious what you guys might think.



From Eva: When we lived in Japan I saw many families sleep together - It was not harmful in any way.  If anything it reinforced family in a loving way.  A child doesn't know until a behavior is labelled as bad or ugly, nasty.  When it feels wrong to you, then it is wrong. When I moved back to the states with my two daughters and it was traumatic - it helped them, age 2 and 1 to know I was right there. When their father joined us and we moved to a larger apartment, the older girls got their own room - we had another daughter and she slept next to me so she could nurse.  We had three bedrooms then. The transition went fine - if there was a bad dream we were flexible.





 

Faith - posted on 06/18/2009

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I have three children. My two oldest slept in their own beds as soon as they were home from the hospital. My youngest was a preemie, born at 27 weeks. When he was able to come home from the hospital, I slept in the same room and eventually slept in the same bed at about two years old. Now he is seven and still is sleeping with me. As much as I like the security of having him in the same room as me, it has created insecurity with him. He is afraid of the dark and refuses to sleep in his own room. I believe children need their own space and it helps create independence. Well, maybe next year he will sleep in his own room.....

Tamara - posted on 06/18/2009

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Quoting kat:

i am confused by one thing. although i understand why co-sleeping can be awesome and help everyone get a good nights sleep- to all these big co-sleeping families i would like to know how you have any intimacy in your relationship with your boyfriend/husband? for most parents, espescially when you are both busy working, studying, and doing all the other endless work that needs to be done to keep a household going, dont you need those last few hours in the evening to yourselves and isn't it nice to have your own bed at the end of the day?!!?! i realize you can have sex elsewhere, but it sounds like this co-sleeping thing requires you to actually put the baby to bed when you go to bed. this would limit alone time to .. what.. weekends? have i got this all wrong?


Oh no.  I put my LO to bed before DH and I conk out for the night so we can have alone time.  Its just something where you have to find a way to make it work with your husband/boyfriend.

Kat - posted on 06/18/2009

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Quoting Gabrielle:

We would occasionally co-sleep when our children were babies, after that we would let them put a pillow with a blanket on the floor beside our bed. That kept them in their own beds most of the time. Every once in a while if they watched a scary movie or had anxiety we might wake up in the morning with a child on each side of the bed on the floor with a pillow and a blanket. By the time they were in high school they had out grown that.



I think this is really funny and exactly how I remember growing up. we didn't usually sleep with mum and dad and we always knew they had their own room. but every now and then when we had a bad dream or something we would sneak in there and they would let us sleep in their room at the end of the bed or on a mattress or something. I can't understand people who think co-sleeping brings you closer to your children. I had a very strong bond with both my parents and knew they were always there when I needed them. but i also enjoyed my own room and bed.

Kat - posted on 06/18/2009

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i am confused by one thing. although i understand why co-sleeping can be awesome and help everyone get a good nights sleep- to all these big co-sleeping families i would like to know how you have any intimacy in your relationship with your boyfriend/husband? for most parents, espescially when you are both busy working, studying, and doing all the other endless work that needs to be done to keep a household going, dont you need those last few hours in the evening to yourselves and isn't it nice to have your own bed at the end of the day?!!?! i realize you can have sex elsewhere, but it sounds like this co-sleeping thing requires you to actually put the baby to bed when you go to bed. this would limit alone time to .. what.. weekends? have i got this all wrong?

[deleted account]

My daughter will be two next month. We used co-sleeping until she was 18 months. We all slept better, especially once my husband realized that the danger of rolling over on her was minimal to none -unless one of us had been drinking, in which case that person slept in the guest bed. We moved her into her own bed and room when the co-sleeping interfered with everyone's rest. We did this by buying her a "big girl bed" that she helped pick out, then putting her there for her naps until it became normal for her. Now, she sleeps in there until 4 or 5 am, then walks into our room and sleeps with us for a couple of hours.

Co-sleeping is definitely one of those things that does not work for everyone, but it worked beautifully for us.

[deleted account]

My daughter will be two next month. We used co-sleeping until she was 18 months. We all slept better, especially once my husband realized that the danger of rolling over on her was minimal to none -unless one of us had been drinking, in which case that person slept in the guest bed. We moved her into her own bed and room when the co-sleeping interfered with everyone's rest. We did this by buying her a "big girl bed" that she helped pick out, then putting her there for her naps until it became normal for her. Now, she sleeps in there until 4 or 5 am, then walks into our room and sleeps with us for a couple of hours.

Co-sleeping is definitely one of those things that does not work for everyone, but it worked beautifully for us.

Jennifer - posted on 06/17/2009

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We didn't co sleep with my first and with my second we did and had the TOUGHEST time moving her out into her own bed. By 10 months I had it... I had not slept through the night for 10 months! I would recommend 3 months tops.

Dina - posted on 06/17/2009

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My daughter is 4 and she sleep in her own bed for the first part of the night but invaritably she comes into our bed about midnite every night. Both of our children were adopted between 6-11 months and co sleeping makes the most sense in terms of attachment issues. We too have a kingsize bed and 2 kids and 2 paents make it a little difficult but well worth the time and effort when it comes to bonding

Lynne - posted on 06/17/2009

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Don't do it! I let my know 10 year old sleep with me for 6 years. She is still so co-dependent on me. My 7 year old who always slept in her bed is so much more independent. It is taking a lot of work to get my older daughter to do things on her own. I strongly urge you to not do it.

Marketa - posted on 06/17/2009

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I have 6 months old boy and he sometime slept or is sleeping with us, but not whole night. It is true, that he sleeps better with us than in his own bed, but I do not want him to get used to it, because sometimes kids want to sleep with parents later - like until school age (6 years) and it is not easy to unteach this. So I only take him to our bed, when he cries a lot and we cannot calm him down.

Sarah - posted on 06/17/2009

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it all depends on how you feel. with my baby will be sleeping in our room in her own craddle but beside the bed and that will make me feel better

Sara - posted on 06/17/2009

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In my experience, everyone gets a better night's sleep when little ones sleep at least in the same room as the parents. My two oldest kids each slept in my bed or in a small bed next to it until about age 3 or 4. That's when they felt comfortable sleeping in their own room. It doesn't have to be everyone in the same bed either. With my newest baby, she and I share a bed and my husband sleeps in another bed.

Tricia - posted on 06/17/2009

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Quoting April:

My daughter has slept in my bed ever since I got divorced (2 years ago). She is three now. I bought her a bed and she never slept in it. She has seperation anxiety and is my shadow. I don't regret it at all. Personally, I enjoy watching her sleep and listening to her talk in her sleep.



When my husband and I separated, my kids (who had been sleeping in their own beds) went back into mine...guess they had anxiety. I'll put them back in their own eventually but I don't want to rush them into it.

Teresa - posted on 06/17/2009

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I read alot of fear in the post You have to decided what is best for your family. All 3 of my kids slept with us and the bonding is important. There is lots of info out there on the family bed we did not carry it that far because the bed was to small but at about a year when they quit nursing is when i helped them make the transition to there own bed with no problem. Coming out of the womb and not having that warmness next to them can cause alot of sleepless nights also, that is why i choose to have mine next to me and we all got way more sleep. It was just natural for me though and you have to do what is natural to you also.

Anne - posted on 06/17/2009

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For me, this is no "pro" to do co-sleeping even if you breastfeed... From day 1, my children were in their bedrooms... It is a nightmare to have your child in your bedroom, either in your bed or in his bed... you don't sleep...

Kristin - posted on 06/16/2009

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I think co-sleeping can be a good choice for some families and not so good for others. I don't think an infant should sleep with his or her parents if either parent smokes, drinks, is overweight or takes prescription medication (especially the kind that says "do not operate heavy machinery" on the label), or if their is another child sleeping in the bed already. However, I think for many families, co-sleeping is the only way to get any sleep. I learned this the hard way with my son. I endured nine months of less than five hours of sleep a night, not wanting to put him in bed with me for fear I would roll on him and suffocate him. Meanwhile I tried every sleep method known to man with no success. One night I was so out of my mind with no sleep that I took him crying from his crib and tucked him in bed with me and he promptly fell asleep. And then I did the exact same thing every night after that. The idea that a child will never sleep in their own bed if you let them sleep with you is silly. Try telling a nine month old that "this is mommy's bed and that is your bed, and mommy and daddy need some alone time so we need you to sleep in your bed". Doesn't work. However, and 18 month old is perfectly capable of understanding, so start explaining it then. Give them their own space next to your bed, then gradually move them farther away. Eventually they will graduate to their own room, just as my son did at two years old. There were a few nights of crying, but at least I knew he understood and he was ok. I know this is a really long post, but one more thing: you will not roll on your baby! If you are a normal, healthy, drug-free adult, you will not roll on your baby. How many times a night do you spontaneously roll right off the bed? Why aren't adults all over the world rolling out of their beds each night? Because subconsciously we know there is an edge and we know where it is. Tell your brain their is an infant sleeping next to you and I bet you won't forget it when you fall asleep. Final note: co-sleeping can be wonderful but may not be the best choice for everyone. Above all, families should feel free to sleep any which way they choose that works best for the health and happiness of the whole family, regardless of what the "experts" may say. Caring parents know best.

Tanya - posted on 06/16/2009

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Hi, I co-slept with my son for 5 months. If you're 100% confident that you will not role on him or he won't fall out of bed then I say do it. It's an incredible bonding experience and I have no regrets. Just know this though...when it comes time to put them in their own bed...it'll be very difficult for the both of you. I recommend trying the Ferber method...he has a very helpful book out to help transition them to beds of their own and everyone I know who's tried it (including me) swears by it...it really does work. Just know that eventually, they will need to be in their own bed to build their confidence and trust that they're ok if you're not with them every second. Trust yourself for when that time comes.

Krista - posted on 06/16/2009

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I think that co-sleeping probably does have a lot of benefits, but it's not for us. My son has slept in his crip since his first night at home. There were a couple of mornings when he was very young and would wake up early and we would bring him to bed with us to try to get a few extra hours of sleep, but he quit falling back asleep after a while, so that ended when he was a month or two old. I also knew I wouldn't be able to handle having toddlers (or older!) who refused to sleep in their own beds, so I didn't want to start a habit that would eventually drive me crazy. It seems a lot of moms are pro co-sleeping...I wonder how many dads are too, or whether they need to be talked into it?

Kristen - posted on 06/16/2009

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I had my daughter in the bed with me until about 6 months old or so and that was the point at which I stopped breastfeeding and she wanted more space (kept pushing her feet in my side). I didn't worry too much about what other people said, I liked the closeness and she has not had an separation anxiety at daycare or anything. I pretty much have let her set her own pace, I never forced a bedtime, she just fell into her own routine. Do what's comfortable for you and baby, having her in bed with me in the beginning made those midnight frequent feedings a lot easier.

Marisa - posted on 06/16/2009

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my son slept with me..and he died of SIDS, but i think if u get the angelcare moniter, and put the baby on that, on ur bed, its fine.

Gabrielle - posted on 06/16/2009

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We would occasionally co-sleep when our children were babies, after that we would let them put a pillow with a blanket on the floor beside our bed. That kept them in their own beds most of the time. Every once in a while if they watched a scary movie or had anxiety we might wake up in the morning with a child on each side of the bed on the floor with a pillow and a blanket. By the time they were in high school they had out grown that.

Patricia - posted on 06/16/2009

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the way i see it, they are only small once, my son slept with us until my daughter was born, he was five, and now he refuses to sleep in my bed even when the weather is bad, once he started sleeping in his own bed that was it, he loves it, my daughter now sleeps in the bed with us, when she was an infant she usually slept in a co-sleeper and sometimes we would both fall asleep in the bed while i was nursing her, i don't regret it, they get too big to fast and then they don't want you to kiss them much less sleep in the same bed with you, i had more separation anxiety than my son, i figure to each his own

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